|Reviews for Dark Fiber|
| sylvia's syndrome chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
This review is entirely constructive criticism and suggestions. If you don’t want that kind of review, don’t read any further.
I really liked the last stanza of this poem. But in all honesty, that’s all I liked. The rest of this piece didn’t feel like a poem to me. It felt like you copy and pasted a product description and rearranged it into stanzas. I understand what you were going for, a high-contrast image of technology versus human contact. Lots of technical jargon and then something human, something emotional. You achieved this, but I think you could have done it better if you had described the common, technical features in a poetic, more striking way. For example, I think it would have been more interesting if you made the pieces of technology almost human. You could have said something like “high resolution photographic memory” instead of “high resolution camera.” I think that would have made your message more striking and the poem a more entertaining read. But all of this is just what I think. I’m not saying you need to or should do any of this. Keep writing!