|Reviews for Forever?|
| lymli chapter 1 . 1/16/2009
it's sexy... and I understand the last part.
| GothicSpook chapter 1 . 11/16/2007
I like it. Goes from the flirting to the kiss to the bed.
| AlboChick chapter 1 . 2/2/2007
those were some strong written words..i LOVED it. my favorite. and then the ending just brought the reader right out of that fantasy of love and "bam" reality.
| A Face Worth Remembering chapter 1 . 12/20/2006
Wow. Its well written, at least in the sense that it's very understandable, and in turn, relatable.
| Aneliz Rei chapter 1 . 12/11/2006
I do like this one. The first stanza is, in my opinion, stronger than the second. The only thing about the first is that it seems a bit clipped - off by one syllable, maybe. You could add "own" to the end of the first stanza...alternately, you could change the last two lines in S1 to "and touching my lips/to his". But that's just a thought.
The second has a bit of a rough rhythm, and seems like it was not sufficiently developed to close the poem. An example of something which seems, to me, smoother (note I am not suggesting that you replace your second stanze with this that I've just popped up with in 30 seconds, I'm just trying to give you an idea of a rhythm that I percieve to be smoother):
Jump to nights
turned to one
two lives made
and all to end
with dirty lust
you tear my heart
and leave my arms
But I still really like the idea (though perhaps with a different title), and the first stanza, especially. I've always enjoyed your writing.
| multiples of six chapter 1 . 11/28/2006
Ouch. ( I like this; I'm quite fond of poems with plots. The one thing that confuses me is the sixth line, "across your face" - shouldn't it be "his face"? Oh well, lovely poem in any case!
| dancingintherain chapter 1 . 11/25/2006
this is different- but i really like it
| basnirka amaterka chapter 1 . 11/21/2006
Very good. I appreciate the verical format (feels like falling) as well as the word choice. Some expressions are almost brutal which serves the purpose well. It seems we've been through something similar recently which makes it easy for me to relate, even though still with a chill of pain. In your profile you apologise for writing depressive lately - but isn't that a natural thing...? Check some of my latest stuff if you want to see that separations are never easy, for anyone. With respect, b a
| Hidden Lies chapter 1 . 11/13/2006
I like this one. Passionate and simple.
| someday-i-will chapter 1 . 11/12/2006
The style is interesting and I like how you ended this.
| Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 11/12/2006
I started things by thinking words didn't live,
A life apart from that we want to give;
She stopped them from their endless blooming phase,
And put them in a vase for heart's delight;
I started things by thinking that a touch,
Was just a gesture from one friend to friend;
She stopped them from their random fluttering,
And put them into kisses,—wine and myrrh;
I started things by thinking life was short,
With all its trials and tribulations filled;
She stopped them with her love of everything,
And filled my life with joys I'd never dream;
I started things by thinking in a dream,
A vagary that floated endlessly;
She stopped them with a happy laugh so bright,
That no ill-tempered brooding could proceed;
I ended things by thinking she would leave,
A fear irrational, yet hidden deep;
She started Love with hands clinging to mine,
A calming feeling only death can part.
| free-to-dream15 chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
Lil different style wise but i liked it!
| the-foresight chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
I liked that, you built it to a great climax I think. So a bit like sex then :)
| Elliptical Shapes chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
Nice imagery, interestingly obtuse the way you wrote this.