Reviews for The Bane of Rendsberg Part III
Narq chapter 11 . 5/22/2009
Poor Lucifer. I really felt for him in this chapter. One could argue how could Sil be so cruel but then it is just a mother's instinct to protect her child. A very very good chapter here on strong contrasting themes.

P.S. Now that I've finished this story, could you point me to another of your marvellous stories? :)
Narq chapter 10 . 5/22/2009
I really liked the way you did this whole chapter. It wasn't too intense, but it showed that Olivier wasn't bad - at least the baby wasn't afraid of him and that really means a lot to him from what I feel.

Great chapter!
Narq chapter 9 . 5/22/2009
Hah! Loved the part with William tickling Johann. It was very detailed and very very well done. You are very talented in this area of neat describing and I envy you for that.
Narq chapter 8 . 5/22/2009
Aw.. it was a warm scene at the end, quite scarce in your stories, isn't it? Nice one.

I really enjoyed this chapter, it provided a lot of insight of Lucifer's humanity as a whole and of course Josef's character. Though harsh, you do your characters justice, which is very good.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 11 . 3/13/2009
Yup. Sil needs to be slapped. A good five or six times would do her some good. Yeah. Well, I wonder what will happen then...Things are just starting to heat up. The part with Hans was so sad. Poor Hans. Poor Lucifer. Why can't they just be friends again? Oh well. Excellent story, I loved it all. Nice job.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 10 . 3/13/2009
I hate Sil. That girl needs to be slapped. Seriously. I hate people who can't accept others. It's so dumb! Ugh! Well, what's Luci gonna do with Xavier? Eat 'im? Run away with him? o.O It's a mystery! I bet Alteng will be mad, he always is. And what about Hans? What will he say? Intrigue!

VelvetyCheerio chapter 9 . 3/13/2009
Aah, everytime I read this, I don't see them in like, I don't know, Hobbit size? They're not small and short when I read this! O: They're tall and regal looking. I dunno, I'm weird like that. Anyway, Alteng is a real bully. I hate him for hating Luci...Meanie.

No problems with this chapter, good work. :)

VelvetyCheerio chapter 8 . 3/13/2009
Yay! Luci could be uncursed? Though, that would take the fun out of the story, so, maybe not? Ah, good ol' Alteng, being his high and mighty self. He really should get the stick out of his butt and just accpet facts. Luci is da bestest vampire ever! :3 I love Lucifer! I hope he gets to meet with Hans again! They were such a perfect team.

Okay, so there was one huge paragraph in here that I actually managed to read through, but man if it wasn't painful.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 7 . 3/13/2009
LUCI! He hath returned! *squeal* Aww, and Johann still loves him! Yay! The world is right side up again! I loved it!

However, there was one paragraph in here, that was so fantasmially long, that, I will not lie, I just skipped right over it. You have some real writing skills, but you need to watch your paragraph length. That's your main problem.

Aside from that, it was a fantastic chapter. So happy right now! :D Hooray for happy endings?

VelvetyCheerio chapter 6 . 3/13/2009
Waah! Most interesting chapter, I have to say. The ending was a real cliffhanger, how could that figure be? Ahahahaha! Olivier was so funny just waking up. I love how he starts asking questions about Michael and then he's just like, "why am I naked?" I was cracking up! XD Too much hilariousness. The snowball fight was cute, aha, I bet it was William who stuck the snow down his pants. XD Good good, very exciting.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 5 . 3/13/2009
Well, how...interesting? It was actually sort of creepy, how he came back to life like that. Aah, what's the good of it, though? What if Alteng gets some sort of curse on his head? Wait...I don't care about him. He drove Lucifer away. Nevermind. I hope he gets sent to the underworld or worse!

The paragraphs were once again a bit oversized, making reading a chore, but I suppose it was worth it in the end.

Nice chapter. Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 4 . 3/13/2009
Haha, William and Johann are so mean to Alteng. XD I thought it was funny though. Well, I guess they're on another great adventure. I don't know though. Should they really be messing with the circle of life and death like this? It could prove fatal. Intriguing.

Nothing I found wrong with this chapter. Good work. :)

VelvetyCheerio chapter 3 . 3/13/2009
Well, well. The ship was pretty cool. Aww, cute dog! Haha, Josef is super smart, and he has a funny way of thinking, always standing straight and scratching his head. Ah, the quirks.

I think the only problem with this chapter were the huge paragraphs. Esp. the one at the beginning. o.O

Other than that, I liked it. Very interesting. I wonder how Olivier will fare in Tonnin. Hm.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 2 . 3/13/2009
Hello again! Sorry I haven't been around a lot, it's difficult. I promise to review all the chapters of this story today, though. :)

Well, what a chapter. I like Josef, he is exceptionally cheerful! :D A little childish for his age though. I guess that comes from having no fear, eh?

There was one thing I noticed: "but he was blinder to it than the ghost was to it." You used "it" twice and this becomes redundant.

Otherwise, it was an interesting chapter, I liked it. Velvet.
Narq chapter 7 . 3/13/2009
Poor Lucifer. I think you certianly know your characters very very well. I enjoyed letting go and watching you do all the work for me. Some writers in fictionpress a slack and they don't have good grammer or they have heaps of dialogue with no description... what I'm trying to say is that I get tired reading stories like that becuase the writer is asking the reader to do the work. You don't. You let the reader relax and actually 'read'. Good work!

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