PLEASE UPDATE! I relly like this story and most of the other stories that you write. please post up the next chapter as soon as you can.

hey, how dyou get to jail without a trial? she doesnt even have a lawyer.. shes not even proven guilty ! wheres the evidence? anyways, good stuff i hope she dies and ethan beats himself up over it and whats left of her family sue the prison!

Interesting turn of events. I was surprised when you said it was a week later-I thought we would pick up right after the last chapter. I thought it was funny that Ethan's mother (whom I had thought was a sweet little homemaker was a defense attorney/judge) slaps him silly; it's about time :D. Otherwise, well-written and I wonder where this is going. I wonder what you meant when you said Billie had 'sex'; what is the definition of this 'sex'?

Anyway, great chapter (too bad it wasn't longer :D) and please update soon.

loving you story, funny thing is my name is Stephanie too! and i use the Buh Bai term too!(to many times) lol, hope you update soon.

haha, that was nice.

i like lola. ;D

billie joel & carol... something.

cool.. i look forward to the next chapter.

this is a good story, looking forward to your next update

I absolutely love this story and cannot wait to read more. It seems like it has all the components to a best-seller...

Love,

Kelsey

I don't have any constructive criticism for you but I just wanted to tell you that I really like this story. Very gritty. Poor Billie. I can't wait for the next installment.

I have to say, i love almost every one of your stories, and this one is sure no exception. can't wait for the next chapter!

wow, a very nice start to the story...I cab't wait to read the next chapter!

im interested to see where this goes. it's a bit confusing thus far as to how one could be mistaken for a mass murderer by being in a parking lot, but i'm sure you'll explain it all later on! .. keep up the good work

You have a very colorful and intense style. I think it would make a great black and white, independent comic book, if you could get an artist.

There are a few things I wonder about though.

You have an explosion of a golf cart that kills 30 people. When Billie sees it, you just tell us that the men on the golf cart are dead. You don't describe the other people dying. It is a big, dramatic moment. You could describe a building support getting knocked over, crushing a young family. You could describe the screams of the survivors. Later, when I learned that 30 people died, I had to go back and read it again. It is like learning about an off stage battle in a Shakespeare play. That is something you want ON STAGE. It is your big, disaster movie moment. Think Lethal Weapon.

Twice you switch points of view in the middle of a scene. In the store at the beginning, you were writing from Billie Joel's point of view, but then interjected thoughts from the store guy who let her keep the shirt. You did this again in Chapter Two in the first four paragraphs. You switched from telling us Billie's thoughts to telling us Ethan's thoughts. I find that a bit confusing. If you could stick to one POV per scene, it would help. Part of a good story is getting into the mind of the main character, but the jumping from mind to mind doesn't let that happen as easily.

Now I am just waiting to see what happens when they start to question her, to build the case for her prosecution. I look forward to the rest of the story. Keep it up!