Reviews for Once A Slave II: Magewise
SJ chapter 30 . 8/26/2007
This is such a wonderful story - I love the universe you've created, it weaves together very nicely and presents a rich landscape as a backdrop. The only suggestions I have are to give more of a resolution to your story if Ch.30 is indeed the end. It just feels like there's not a lot of resolve between Lark and Naeven. They're making progress but I don't feel like I've reached a conclusion when I finish (and maybe this is what you're reaching for, but it leaves a lot of strings). That, and sometimes the scenes between the two are repetitive. And it does work with Lark's history of abuse, but it runs the equal risk of repeating the same scene.

Those are small criticisms, though, to an overall great story. I stayed up ridiculously late so I could finish! Fantastic job.
i-see-faeries chapter 30 . 8/9/2007
Aw, this was cute. The first few chapters coincided with the last few chapters of Once Upon A Slave, but at th same time, it contradicted it. It was confusing and I couldn't remember what's what. And that pissed me off. But once you get past that, it's every bit as good as the first part. And there's a definate chage in characters here. Naeven becomes a lot less intimidating, and Lark becomes a lot bolder. And I think the whole 'seme-uke' thing is obvious now. Can't wait to read the next part. Great job. Still loving this.
zoule chapter 2 . 7/15/2007
I hope you don't mind...but I nominated this story for the SKOW awards. I was going to nominate part I as well, but figured since there were only 2 chapters so far, it'd be a moot point
gothicHobbit08 chapter 3 . 7/3/2007
Poor Khas! I like cried, I swear! but actually, I sorta liked it when there was no word for castle, I don't remember what they were calling it, but it was cute and something along the lines of a pile of rocks... or something and but the way they said it was absolutely adorable. So yeah, I like Kholdra speak, especially when there's no word for castle XD
xbloodxmagnoliax chapter 30 . 7/2/2007
i love it i love it i love it i love it i love it x100 kay now that thats done ;) i think you should make a sequal or just a little epilogue (sry if im bossy) anywho great job and keep on writing you have alot of talent!

magnolia
fairywm chapter 1 . 6/25/2007
HEY

Great stories the whole of Once a Slave...bummer that you did all that editing... got me confused there for a min... well not bummer for teh editing just bummer that we didn't get to see it. so where can i find the new, updated and i am assuming copywrited versions. cause if the ones you have posted are this good i would love to see the improved one.

Will you be selling them online, cause that is how I get most of my reading pleasures?
Silveni chapter 30 . 6/24/2007
OK, one note:

murder killing

murderER killer

I'm feeling grammatically pissy tonight.

Lucifer the vampire horse? Sweet. And I'm a tad grateful that you didn't spell vampire vampyre because that annoys me for some reason.

Ending: Aw.

Somewhat unfulfilling because I'm a romantic softie, and I do love love, but from your note I got the idea that wasn't the final end? Either way I still love it. Your characters aren't boring, which is refreshing and nice. They are a little tortured, but that's not really a problem, just ups the cool factor on the story sometimes.
Mademoiselle Rouge chapter 30 . 6/20/2007
W-What the !

THIS is the end ! Okay, I can live with an open ending, but open endings usually leave a feeling of closure. And here...well while reading the last lines, I was absolutely sure they'd be another chapter. Or something.

Ah well, never mind, it's your ending, after all.

Anyway, I read both "books" in two days - or nights - and I really, really like it. The first few chapters were absolutely great, I felt in one of these Miyasaki movies like Princess Mononoke, Howl's moving castle, Chihiro, etc (that is probably the best compliment I can make to someone ;p). I love the atmosphere - this whole new environment, Naeven's cool yet attractive attitude, I love Schaff as talking animal, the door to the other world, Qito's many arms, how the magic works and so on.

I abviously adored the whole relationship between the mage & his slave. I thought it was really well developped, and that nothing was never too sudden or incredible. This part : perfect :) However, as the evolution of their relationship is so well described and thought through, I find the ending a tad brutal. Ok, their mutual love is implied, but...dah I can't put a word on it, but it's really fustrating. I guess it's coz this story deserves another entire book to completely understand the characters and what they'll do with their lives - Lark is going to be set free, and has his own place to live in if he wants, Naeven is a selfish bastard and is so annoyingly mysterious and not possible to understand. And God, I love this story, and I don't want it to end !

What was a bit annoying is that you changed the first two books and as it's quite hard to remember what happened when (cos so much stuff happens all the time), getting back in the third part of the story is not so easy.

Anyway, this is one of my favorite stories of all times :) I could blab on what I love (Naeven ! LOL) and how amazing all of your characters are, but that would take forever and bore you to death. Ooh. And I nearly forgot Naeven's changing hair. THAT was awesome. God, you are *so* creative. I'm jealous.

Ok, before I get competely carried away, I'll stop with a bear hug and a huge thanks !

If one day an idea for these characters pop into your head : write it down, and make us read it !

Akai ringo

(ps: I hope everything was understandable, coz i'm French, and if I read English w/o any problem, I can be clumbsy when I write...)
Alchemage chapter 1 . 6/15/2007
I FINALLY finished all three books, yay for me. I spent the last two hours getting through the the last 45 percent of it, and boy was it worth it. I feel so bad for Lord Irra's daughter-she was so young, and then that awful S-Bad just went and stabbed her through the heart? Arg, I wanted to stab HIM and see how he liked it!

Just reading this story was an adventure. My emotions went up and down and up and down, depending on what Lark was doing. I literally wanted to yell at my computer screen, "Lark, don't go in there! Don't you know what he's doing with Syd!" or "Lark, go with the Green Mage! Don't you remember what Sactaren was doing with Syd?"

There were times when I wanted to strangle Sacky and have Lark dance with all the other characters. Lark and Calae...Lark and Kivixl...Lark and Lucifer!

"Gods, Lark, dance with Lucifer! Don't you remember what Sactaren was doing with Syd?"

It's a good thing I read this story alone in my room, where no one can hear my screams, or look at me funny when I start poking at my computer screen.

Stupid Lark. *pokepoke* Stupid, nicey nice lark. *pokepoke* Sactaren doesn't really want you! Steal Rayne! Let Calae help you escape! *pokepokepokepokestab*

I wish I had more to say. This feels like one of my shortest reviews, but if I think of something else I can always just visit the forums. Wootage.
Rajini chapter 30 . 6/15/2007
Hi,

I read both stories in a week, I was addicted and I couldn't stop reading. I really stayed up late, just so I could read another chapter.

I loved the story and the charaters were well written. I loved that it was written trough Lark's eyes and with his thoughts. That way you don't know the thoughts of other characters wich makes it more interresting.

And what I think about the end? Well I don't know...I have the feeling that it hasn't ended yet and that they're will come more chapters or another sequel. Why? I don't know either. It just seems a litle unfinished.

But nevertheless, I loved your story! And I'll be keeping an eye on you, in the hope for future stories! Don't ever stop writing.

I would really like to buy the book, but I'm from Belgium wich is a small country. Not all the books get published here. But if it ever does, I would buy it imidiatly!

Love

Rajini
SaraMaxine chapter 30 . 6/8/2007
Okay, once again I review.

It should tell you something that I finished this the day after Once a Slave.

It should tell you to keep writing!

While there are a few minor spelling errors, over 30 chapters I could still probably count them on my fingers.

Once again, I would buy the books in a heartbeat.

Once again, as long as you pulled a sequel out of some dark little corner of your mind rather quickly, the ending is exceptional and leaves the masses drooling for more.

All in all, a major success.

The characters develop at a very realistic speed in my opinion and the emotions are well thought out and portrayed.

And although I occasionally wish to throttle you for all the times they ALMOST go all the way, and then stop, it's a healthy dose of emotional suspense.

Ending it with Lark admitting his love (finally) but leaving Naeven's answer obvious (I would hope. Please, no unpleasant surprises...) but unspoken leaves a nice starting point for book three; or four I guess, if you split up the first two.

If you keep writing, I'll keep reading and see what I can get for you as far as a cult following goes, because trust me, it won't just be a fan base.

huggles from the land of strait-jackets

Maxine
Lost-Desolation chapter 30 . 6/7/2007
*sigh* the end? no fair

Well, as you've heard before, this story is absolutly beautiful. It almost makes me cry that I've read it, because I know I'll never find anything else quite like it. I'm not really one for fantasy or anything like that but this story is special. It's easy for me to read (a very good thing), I don't get bored with all the "vampires" and "mages". It's so well written, it already sounds so much like a book(like I've literally just returned from the store with it).

I look at other reviews and feel bad because I just can't offer constructive critcism, I'm terrible at expressing things like that. There's nothing about this story that I don't love. Naeven is perhaps one of my favorite characters of all time.

Once a Slave has been truly amazing. If(when?) it ever becomes a book I'll be sure to buy two copies just in case. And keep them in seprate parts of the house. One in a sealed box for safety. -_-' oh-kay...

Anyway, Thank you and good luck. Your often silent reader, Des.
Flame Rhiannon chapter 30 . 6/6/2007
It's the best ending you could have written to this story. I really really love this series. If it ever comes out in book form (in belgium too, that's where I live) I won't hesitate to buy it. You've more than surpassed my hopes of finding a good story, again. I hope you'll continue writing on this series, I am sure my soul will starve without it.

Greets with respect,

Flame
Drazuki chapter 30 . 6/4/2007
Ack! is out to get me, I swear.

It's been what? Three weeks since you updated and I haven't reviewed! I feel like a terrible fan.

But, I have fifteen minutes until the end of the period, on the "last" day of high school, so I'll try to write something coherent.

I've followed this story, as you well know, since last year and I'm hopelessly addicted. If there were action figures, I'd buy them. If there was a platinum edition compliation complete with author's notes and character sketches in a fancy metal box, I'd buy it.

Okay, now for something constructive. The ending was more like the ending of a normal chapter than the ending of the whole book. And there are those nagging questions like what the thing in the other world was that made the bizarre footprint and a few other questions. I can see why you did it, it's just not as tied off as I'd hope. I still like it...stupid Naeven, falling asleep like that. But that seems in his character for some reason. Dunno why...I'm sorry I can be more critical and helpful, I just really like this story too much.

Naeven...well, I've always liked him and he seems to have a lot of mood swings. I like it when you write extremes of him, like when he's really HUMAN or really like an INCUBUS. Like kneeling on his own hair, which I will forever laugh at.

I'm going on another ambassador trip this summer, much like last summer, but I hope that you'll post the next story. I'll horde them and won't read them until I'm on the plane to Europe, so I have something to do. Seriously. If you end up putting the new story up after I leave, I'll be sure to check my e-mail on any available public internet cafe. I remember reading one of your chapters while at the Sydney Airport, standing up at an internet booth, batting away people trying to look over my shoulder. Good times.

Anyway, I'll always be a devoted fan.
Hele chapter 30 . 6/2/2007
To continue from the last review; I can see what you mean about needing to face fears; perhaps the glue thing would work, but I'm unconvinced about Sactaren being tied up: I think that doing something against either of their wills is unlikely to be successful.

Something that has been niggling me is Schaff saying in the last book that Lark would regret punching Lord Drumar; this has yet to be fulfilled. Perhaps it will be in the next one, so I can't say anything more about it.

I think that my main problem with the books is that it's difficult to say what they're about, or where they're going. Perhaps it's the relationship between Lark and Sactarin, or Lark's personal development; if that's the case, then it's difficult to see what you could be building towards as the final culmination of the series: sex, perhaps? I confess that I would be disappointed if that were the case.

I find it difficult to see where you are going with characters such as the intensely irritating Tam. What's the point of her? Similarly, are you ever going to develop the fact that Lark has been selling things to Rayne without Sactaren's permission? These episodes feel somewhat gratuitous and irritating.

My main problem here is the apparent lack of an overarching plot. The climax of book 3, the episode with the viper, doesn't seem to reach back very far into the series.

That said, I have enjoyed the series so far. The fact that I have read all three books shows this. I enjoy your writing style. I find it easier to criticise than to praise, but I doubt that you need my encouragement to keep writing and working on this.
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