|Reviews for Mystery|
| lymli chapter 1 . 7/4/2008
wow, it's as if suddenly you dicovered what love's and you don't care anymore.
the thing about mistery and love is good, it's a question everybody makes.
| scarlet stars chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
Oh, this is great! I r-e-a-l-l-y like this one :) Short and simple, but great! Like the previous reviewer said, everyone has a realization like that at some time or another. The only things I would change is the title and the first line. Oh, the second line too. If you had already solved the mystery, like the past tense seems to make the reader think, you would have already pieced together the evidence..
First line- This is a bit simple for the rest of the poem and was kinda...dull I guess. Maybe more interesting word choice would help...
But, I really liked it. You did an awesome job!
| GothicSpook chapter 1 . 11/16/2007
A very sad and short piece. I think again everyone has that realisation at some point in their lives. Well done!
| Ultimate Schuyler chapter 1 . 1/16/2007
Ooh, nice ending.
| A Face Worth Remembering chapter 1 . 12/20/2006
Wow. Somehow, that's not quite where I was expecting it to go... but I like it!
| breezy nostrils chapter 1 . 11/29/2006
tragedic...but in a good way lol
| multiples of six chapter 1 . 11/28/2006
Ooh,.. I like it a lot. There's a lot of emotion in it considering its length..
| Hidden Lies chapter 1 . 11/26/2006
Very interesting, not your best I agree, but it is a good read... (sorry I am not very helpful at the moment)
| Written chapter 1 . 11/26/2006
sounds short and broken, but it works with this piece. beautifully done! I really love the last line and just. cool. Yeah, no one said I was a good reviewer, sorry :)
in any case, I wasn't quite expecting the last line but then it put the poem together and that's just cool.
| someday-i-will chapter 1 . 11/26/2006
I quite like this. It's short but I think you get the message across well and the last line is very powerful.
| KonekOniko chapter 1 . 11/25/2006
Yes, this is a little flat, but it concludes nicely. I'm not quite too sure what it's lacking, but it isn't too bad.
Until next time!
| dancingintherain chapter 1 . 11/25/2006
so bittersweet, but i know how it feels to realize this- i think you captured it perfectly
| Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 11/24/2006
It came as revelation,—
Though problems need solution,
Time eats up evolution,
Ends up as revolution;
& little bits accumulating slow,
that a few months ago were yellow hues,
& now are formed a carpet brown on earth,
that we admit is future earth for Spring;
It went as devolution,—
Through all of your intrusion,
& Times of dire exclusion,—
Now know what's Heart's inclusion.
p.s. I can't seem to get FP to answer e-mails and their help website isn't responding either. Alerts and e-mail have been down for several days.
| charedice chapter 1 . 11/20/2006
i actually quite like this. you should probably look at the enjambment though; it's usually used to make the poem flow less, seeming more broken (as I'm sure you know). The way you've used it though, seems to make "all the evidence that’s been /
gathering dust on my shelf" into the focus of the 'bad' in the poem. it might work nicely to seperate the 'you' and 'I' into two lines; it's symbolic, you know? since you can't really end-stop the 3rd or 4th lines, I'd be thinking "all the evidence that’s been \ gathering dust on my shelf. you \ and i were never meant to be." (I've added some puntuation in there; kinda just me being me-ish, you know.) Anyways, apart from that very minor point that took so very long to convey, i quite like it. :)