|Reviews for Step Up?|
| LyricsArePoetry chapter 1 . 3/7/2008
I hope she dumps Melanie! She's mean!
Brilliant story though!
| December 24th chapter 1 . 12/27/2006
Melanie sounds really bad! Frankly I enjoy disliking her.
) It seems pretty obvious to me that Natasha is the new friend candidate & hopefully Kariah will stand up for herself soon. I could really relate to this story so thanks for writing something like this.)
| SassyLil'Thunderstorm chapter 1 . 12/8/2006
Are the lines showing where you combined chapters? If so, you may want to sit down and find a way to expand them so that you dont have to jump around in the story. That was a problem I had with the chapter, loved it but (maybe b/c its been a long day and its like midnight) my brain kept having to switch and It kind of knocked me out of the 'groove' of reading the chapter. If avoiding a 'jump' is inevitable, you can do 3 centered asteriks(sp?)like they do in books to show the transition. But like I said before, love the story. Its unique. I thought Kariah seemed unrealistic at first, but not at all. Its cool when characters make you want to like them and smack them at the same time. Keep it up and keep trying to expand. You could re-do the chapter(delete the ch, not the story so you can keep your reviews). I've re-written my story so much b/c as I go I look back and go...what in the world? And try to make it better as I learn. Happy writing!
| Trailside from Neopets chapter 2 . 11/27/2006
Well, the first thing I notice is the editing issues. It's better for your review-quality to proofread before you post, because people always see that first. Run-on sentences, you're instead of your. That kind of thing. Secondly, slang is a big no when writing a real story. "Dissing" is slang. The only other mechanical thing is the, well, length. It's very...VERY short. For a story. I don't know whether or not you're going for a novel or for a short story. A short story wouldn't have chapters, and a novel would be MUCH longer. Think each chapter around 3,0 words. This is barely scraping 150 words.
Nextly, (is that a word?) Kariah seems a bit unrealistic to me. Melanie is completely taking advantage of her in the most blatantly obvious way, and she doesn't do anything. It seems as if Kariah could just latch on to Natasha and abandon Melanie. That's what anyone half-way normal would do. Here's what I do with characters: give them a sketchy personality, all of them, and then picture the scene you want to take place. Then just let your characters act it out. That's how your create realistic characters, because they do in your head and on paper what normal humans do.
Overall, needs work. But again, I don't know what you plan to do with this. Good luck in all your writings!
| Black Anjewl Wings chapter 1 . 11/26/2006
hey the story is great and you should continue on it._
| Pryor chapter 1 . 11/26/2006
I say go for it!It's a very good story idea, and I like where it's going!
| Ruby Candy chapter 1 . 11/26/2006
This reminds me a little of a book I read years ago called The Tulip Touch :) Fond memories!
You need to work on your grammar, but otherwise that wasn't altogether bad. Keep working on it!