|Reviews for A vampire's Rose|
| Krystal Watters chapter 2 . 10/3/2009
Be sure to put a distinct transition btwn point of views. Three * is the traditional way.(I lost you when you switched to Maya's house).
There are a couple of times when I think you use a phrase the wrong way. For example, Kain says to maya "my last meal got away" when it was really the case that he let his last meal go. and then again when Rose says "he saved you". That's again not the case. He hasn't saved either rose or maya, he just chickened out. His killing intent is still there, and he'll kill again, so maya should definitely turn him in.
What makes Rose so trusting of this guy? he nearly killed both her and her friend and hasn't shown any signs of being a "good" vampire.
What makes the town so special that the police would be aware of vampires that they create a special division, and yet the regular people (like rose) seem to have no clue?
Also, how did maya manage to follow Kain, when he could get into Rose's house without her noticing?
I realize that you haven't updated this story in a while, so you've probably abandoned it. Nevertheless, thinking about the "why"s that motivate certain aspects of your story are important in any when your story is located in a fairly realistic setting you need to give an explanation for all of the out-of-the-ordinary circumstances that come up.
| Krystal Watters chapter 1 . 10/3/2009
It's a very odd point of view, and I'm not sure why you're using it, since a regular third person POV would work just as well. (Better perhaps).
There are a few things that I want to note, but not critique, since you haven't explained your version of the vampire mythos yet. Specifically: shape shifting, walking around in the daylight, entering people's houses without permission,and the vampire's use of the word "born".
And I would like to know why he's toying with her...
| bloody fangs 4 chapter 2 . 10/2/2009
write moor i need something to read i know you writeing other storys but it cant gust end like that
| xoxoSweetFallenAngelxoxo chapter 2 . 1/6/2008
I really liked you're story. It was good. There were a few errors hear and there but it was great!
| xbluxmoonx chapter 1 . 5/16/2007
pretty good story. the whole perspective with the "you" is throwing me off slightly, but it's still very different and new. i hope it leads somewhere and the narrator is someone important, because it wouldn't really make any sense, yknow? anyho, i still like it so i'm adding it to my C2, yeah?
| amanda288 chapter 1 . 3/21/2007
Hey! I really liked this story. I hope you keep on writing. I can't wait to see what happens.
| Limited Edition chapter 1 . 1/14/2007
Clearly inspired by Anne Rice. Overdone story. The only twist is the perspective, which actually is completely insuitable for the story. The grammar is also off at the dialogues. The name Kain is taboo for vampire stories. But the descriptions are nice...? Good luck!