|Reviews for Hit Your Head, Sail the Sea|
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 7/15/2008
i liked number ten
| MacFluffers chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
First off...I just need to say that a previous reviewer is an idiot. Those were definitely haiku...
Anyway, back on topic...those were pretty nice. For someone like me, who normally goes numb at the thought of a rhyming haiku, themes 2, 5, and 8 were really nice.
The large gap between rhymes in theme 7, however, is too large by two or three syllables for it to work well. I thought it was awkward.
Theme 2 had an interesting scheme. You used an unorthodox 4-line format, and had an ABCB rhyme scheme, making it even more odd. However, you made it work (and you had a perfect syllable count), so I can't say it's bad.
I don't feel that theme 10 had properly lengthened lines. It would have made more sense as a two-line haiku. Still, you had 17 syllables, therefore it's a matter of how it's read, so it might just be me.
I know this advice is probably pretty stupid, since you wrote this a year ago, and you've probably improved by now. :P Oh well. I hope you don't mind.
| R.Rosby chapter 1 . 1/14/2007
9, 10 and 4 were my favourites. Check out my bio, I've got a new poem up!
| bagle-worm chapter 1 . 12/1/2006
Those aren't haikus.