Reviews for On the True Nature of People
martyfalafel chapter 4 . 1/28/2008
~That Boy and Trouble~

First off, I like the personification. I’ve never seen(read) it done quite like this before, and it was an interesting idea. The lines

One night out late/with Wild Abandon/but instead he got stood up/

sound kind of awkward, like they were forced. They might need to be reworded. And one last thing; when you talk about Wrong and Right, did you reverse them intentionally? I ask because normally, it’s phrased right and wrong. Oh well, it's not important; it works better your way regardless. I did love how the poem begins, though I’m still not sold on the part about Wild Abandon. All in all, good(but not your best) work.


The best thing about this poem,(or so I think) is the idea it expresses. I did find a few things that I thought didn’t fit/make sense:

“he was never meant to be.”

- Doesn’t quite fit in with the previous line, “ A shell of a legend”. Maybe if you changed “he” to “that”?

“only blood, skin, and bones”

- It felt like this line threw off the rhythm. It might flow better if you removed “only”

“Now he’s all bleed out”

- Bleed would probably sound better as bled. I thought this one might have been a typo, but I figured I’d mention it anyways.

"is the ghost of his dreams/that he once long forgot."

-I don’t know why, but “he once long forgot” just doesn’t make sense to me, not when read with the previous line.

I love the lines “hand me down hero” and “once ago man”. In fact, either would make a great title for the poem. But, you know, just a thought. Oh, and out of the two, I preferred “Forgot” to “That Boy and Trouble”, but would gladly read(and review) both of them over and over.
martyfalafel chapter 2 . 1/27/2008
*I'm going to review two at a time*

~Coal Woman~

Is this a metaphor for self-destruction?

That‘s the point I got from it. By the end, I both dislike and pity her. Regardless, I love the fourth and last lines; they make me think of someone falling apart from the inside-out, and collapsing from the strain. But anyways, I’m not sure about the line

“no lover ever dared to try”

You know when you’re putting together a puzzle, and you find a piece that looks similar to the one you need, but it isn’t a perfect fit? And when you put the piece where it doesn’t belong, it’s awkward and has to be forced in? Yeah, that’s how I feel about that line.

Sorry about the funky analogy, but I don’t know how else to explain it. It feels like the wrong puzzle piece. But, other then that, I enjoyed reading(and reviewing) this.

~Nothing Smile~

I had to read this out loud a few times to get the full affect. The rhythm is one of the best parts about it, with the actual verse being a close second. The only thing I don’t like about it is the line

“Well really it was nothing,”

It feels like another wrong puzzle piece to me. Besides that, out of the two poems I’ve read so far, I like this one much better. Favorite lines are

“that sweet-empty grin”

“The best kind of nothing/I never did have”

“to the divine-vacant smile/with no nothings to spare”

Or, better yet, almost all of them.
Guttersnipe chapter 8 . 5/6/2007
Bravo. Beautiful, and sad.
Guttersnipe chapter 6 . 5/6/2007
I love the use and positioning of words in this. It flows beautifully and sensuously. One of my favorites.
Guttersnipe chapter 5 . 5/6/2007
Aw, this is cute. Teenage feelings at their best. ]
chuff chapter 7 . 1/20/2007
Your poetry is outstanding, I truly love it.

My favorite of this set is definitely Nothing Smile, with Forgot a close second.

Your wordplay and style, utter truthfulness and obvious talent are remarkable.

I enjoyed reading every poem of yours that I've read.


You have been Fauthored.
Continuation chapter 7 . 1/16/2007
Once again, I adore your word play. All the little "that once ago man"s and your "he once long forgot"s. Genius!

The idea, of course, is indeed "on the nature of people," something I'm constantly being impressed and over-impressed with. If you keep this up, I MAY have to give you five gold stars :D Keep 'em coming!
Lucid Nonsense chapter 4 . 1/15/2007
These are all interesting, nice collection. This is my favorite, the wordplay is very clever.
Continuation chapter 6 . 1/8/2007
Haha, I've seen those notes before. Most people don't go through the effort of putting a yes/no choice though.

I like the scratched out and written again part, very well done. "Crimson sigh" hey? Eenteresting. Anyways, keep these ones coming, I really like them.
Denmark chapter 6 . 1/7/2007
Oh, these are so wonderful! This last one was very cute - my sister actually gave someone one of those notes once. :)

I really liked "Word Thief" as well.

Werder Bremen chapter 1 . 12/18/2006
Simply exquisite
MariusL chapter 1 . 12/17/2006
Coal Woman is great, it really paints a picture.
Continuation chapter 4 . 12/15/2006
Personification is my favourite type of "ification" :D This was expertly done and I was really impressed once I got that the things that were capitalized were names of people. Good job!
Continuation chapter 3 . 12/15/2006
O, clever. But does a thief really "waste" what they steal? Haha, something to think about.
Continuation chapter 2 . 12/15/2006
This is COOL. There have been poems like this before and they've always blown my mind at how cofusingly simple they are. Keep it up!
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