Reviews for vampire
auburn-haired-sadist-XD chapter 1 . 5/12/2009
I'm really enjoying this story so far. I'd like to point out, though, that you never addressed Lane Michaels dead body. I doubt that a dead body in the hallway would go unnoticed, and I also doubt that she'd just leave it there and go home without at least thinkig, "I need to get away from here before somebody sees me." Other than that, though, it was awesome, and I'm really hoping that you'll continue! :-D
tinkerbell-92 chapter 1 . 1/14/2008
this is really good

i cant wait for another chappy
d666lisa chapter 1 . 10/2/2007
A beautiful piece of writing. Simple and yet at the same time, complex.
PseudoHanyou chapter 1 . 6/24/2007
Ok, where do I begin?

There were a few grammatical errors, but I will not bother to point them out. Re-read it and ask yourself what sounds wrong.

Secondly, there was far too much description based soley on color in the first paragraph.

Thirdly, I can tell by most of the content that you are young. i.e. "I got out of bed and dragged on a pair of raggedy jeans, a black hoodie and my vans." This was a DEAD giveaway that you are young. It is important, in my opinion, not to let your age reflect your writing.

This is not to say that you cannot put your main character in high school. I am just suggesting that you watch your descriptions a little more.

I am hoping you will continue this story and am looking forward to reading the outcome of this "encounter"
aussiegrl5070 chapter 1 . 5/22/2007
This isn't bad. The story has adventure and drama and has me wanting more. Is this vampire bad/evil or is he after her for entirely different reasons? Are you doing to continue?
little fox demon chapter 1 . 4/15/2007
oh wow sounds good i hope u continue with it
King Uncle Kenny The 13th chapter 1 . 3/16/2007
I really love the idea of it... Although your transitions are kind of going fast... Don't take it teh wrong way...I love your story... The imagery is fanastic, but you are moving to quickly. Take your time... All in All I hope you continue... I wish to read more...
Lily M chapter 1 . 12/9/2006
An interesting start. It flows nicely, but you need to start a new paragraph whenever there's dialogue, and it's a little short.
StarDust1880 chapter 1 . 12/9/2006
cool story, very descriptive and surreal. that's the best part of the story i like, plus that's a good sign when one of the reviewers are saying that they can feel what the characters are feeling.