|Reviews for Midnight's Gift: Oneshot|
| PenelopePotter chapter 1 . 6/19/2008
You are able to capture the exact emotion that one should feel in certain situations, for that I respect you, but in the fact that you write with so much emotion it seems you have experienced such things I pity you.
That sounded so cheesy, and I only half actually think that. You can figure out which half.
| Mother-Moon chapter 1 . 8/28/2007
I have to agree with Lady_DreamWriter. This was a wonderful, emotion packed piece of work I've read in a while. It made me sad, it make me feel what the main character was feeling and everything else in between. That's something I really enjoy. Lady's already pointed out the places I was going to comment on so I'm just going to stick with my same saying. Good work little lady, you've earned my praise again. :D
| Lady DreamWriter chapter 1 . 8/28/2007
I love the imagery in this piece. You are very good at subtlety and making the reader read between the lines at what is being said. I also enjoyed how you make this otherwise perfect character into a real human being who was emotionally backed into a corner and let her fight or flight reflex take over, but afterwards couldn’t handle what she had done even though it was justifiable self-defense.
You also brought home that the actions of this night will permanently change the life of their child, not only because he is now an orphan, but because of what he may have witnessed living in that kind of environment. It is quite possible that their son will be scared for the rest of his life because of the abusive relationship between his mother and his father.
Personally, killing might be a sin, but in this case I think it was justified. No one should have to live their life in an abusive relationship like that.
A few minor mistakes:
‘all he could do for the young women was done’
Correction: ‘all he could do for the young woman had already been done’
‘didn't deserve to dye killed although he should have never taken the devil's poison’
It should be: ‘didn't deserve to die or be killed, although he should have never taken the devil's poison’
All in all, you did a wonderful job with this story.
Member of Reviewers_Found
| jj37362 chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
I loved how you wrote this. The visual imagery was very strong and had just the right effect. I also liked how you never actually said that she killed her husband but we all knew that was what she did. The typos took away from the quality of the writing though. Nothing big. A good read through is all it needs.
| The Ferrett chapter 1 . 8/19/2007
Very powerful delivery. It's was obvious and yet when it ended it was still packing a punch. Good job. ::))
| Mad for Figs chapter 1 . 5/21/2007
Again, a very late review from me. (Apologies.)
Anyway, yet another powerful one-shot from you though the basic theme is the same. I want to say right now your one-shots are very unique; and I absolutely love them.
However, you do seem to have this problem with obvious typos. There are plenty that can be fixed in a matter of seconds; be sure to just re-read what you wrote. Second, a few of your sentences seem kind of awkward; words in the wrong spot and unnecessary commas present or not enough commas.
Overall it was quite good; but the mechanics need a bit of tweaking. But for real? Excellent job. :D
| angels and effects chapter 1 . 5/14/2007
Very succinct one-shot, but it brings the point across just as well too. The paragraphs might be a little chunky and hard to read (especially when it's 11 PM and your eyes are tired), but the shortness of the entire story makes it easier on the eye. Psyche is a pretty interesting name... the first para kind of made me think about the Parable of the Good Samaritian, which I guess is rather appropriate in the Christmas context. Did you get Psyche's husband's last name from the band Seether? Haha, it's just that I love that band and all. :)
Anyway, it's quite sad how Mark's going to end up knowing he's an orphan as a Christmas present. There's nothing worse than that, I think. I was a little confused over what Psyche did till the end, because like the priest said, she seemed to have the perfect life. So her husband got rough with her - then shouldn't it be the husband to confess, not her? But wow, you stunned me with the ending. She killed him - of course. While I don't really see the need for Psyche to kill John even though he 'abused' her periodically (self-defence?), I can understand to an extent. Just that... well, there's Mark, and I would think she'd have thought about their child before killing him and ultimately, herself. But I suppose she couldn't take it anymore - it might be good to add something to further elaborate on that.
Just a few grammar mistakes and typos (like 'Ever from behind the velvet cloth' should be 'Even from...'), but it's good! Take note of the placing of commas, and there's a little irregularity with the capitalising of words. Like in one paragraph, it goes '"No, I'm not father."' and then further into the para, it's '"H-He hit me Father and I have the scars to show for it."' There's a little problem with ending off the dialogue too. Like:
"No father I did not." She replied quietly
"No, Father, I did not," she replied quietly
It's not spoiling too much of the story, of course, but still good to know it! :)
So yup, it was certainly one of the more interesting one-shots I've read so far. Keep it up!
| C.F. Anne chapter 1 . 5/13/2007
wow, that was...depressing, but in a good way. It's so sad with people in that kind of situation. This story was beautifully written, and I can tell you put a lot of work in it.
| Mosaic Stains chapter 1 . 5/10/2007
Well.. That's the first thought that came to mind. It's funny that when everyone else thought her life was perfect, it wasn't. That's usually the case in life. It kind of made me think of V.C. Andrews' stories in where they were rich and beautiful, but not happy.
My father used to say happiness is relative. I've come to learn it is. ANd in her case it definitely was.
Anyway, I felt sorry for Psyche. Not in the sense that she was being abused, but because everyone believed her life to be perfect and wonderful when it wasn't. For how she felt as though she couldn't trust anyone because of her husband's known credit of goodness.
I also felt sorry that she felt the only way to escape him and herself was death and suicide.
As it's known, the one who hides behind a deep mask of goodness, could be the worst criminal in the world.
Well, the way you wrote it was nice also, the descriptions and grammar. Especially, the descriptions. There are three things about a story which always grab me, good characterization, exploring descriptions, and a nice plot. If not a nice plot, a nice story, which this was.
| President chapter 1 . 5/9/2007
Whoa! Good story. Great actually! I love Psyche's character and her life! I love the twist! She was so sad and all, but why was she said? I love how intriguing you made it.
I wonder why this one shot's got no reviews. Hmm perhaps you could have made it better if the paragraphs were separated in a way such that it would not be too hard for one's eyes to follow.
Like, you could have the speech parts separated from the upper portion of the paragraph. E.g.
She clutched her leather, snakeskin purse one last time before speaking.
"Father I am here to repent." She whispered, her voice as beautiful as a dove. The Priest did not move nor speak back. In that moment he read Psyche like an open book and beckoned her to follow.
Well anyway, that's my review. I'm making this a favorite.
-Avius from Reviewers Found:P