Reviews for The College Years
HLFleming chapter 7 . 1/11/2007
I'm impressed that you're still going strong. Usually I find that young adult friendship and romance stories either start to wrap up at around this point, or start to lose momentum and die out. In the future you might try adding more dialogue tags. It gets a little bit confusing keeping track of who's talking when you read line after line of dialogue with no indication of who's speaking. Other than that, I have no criticism for this chapter. Keep writing, you're doing good.
HLFleming chapter 6 . 12/21/2006
Interesting developments. The shorter internet conversations are definately easier to follow, and it helps now that I'm familiar with the characters. One other thing about the chatroom dialogue though; very few people who I know talk with that good of grammar on the internet. In emails and on AIM, online games, and chatrooms most of the people I talk to forget about punctuation except for exclamations and questions, and everyone uses abbreviations and initializations, like "u" for "you," and "lol" for "laughing out loud" when they find something funny . . . but you probably know that already. I can't believe I'm actually saying this because a lot of that stuff drives me crazy but I think your conversations might be better if your characters take a few grammatical liberties in the chat rooms. Not too many; the way you have it set up is very clear and easy to understand, and I like that, even if it's not the way I usually see people typing on the net. I think that clarity is more important than 1337ness or whatever people refer to it as. You just might consider adding a few emotes, or smiley faces, or have one character who's fond of using common abbreviations. But again, your clarity in the internet dialogue is good and this story has gotten pretty interesting.
HLFleming chapter 2 . 12/14/2006
Seems like a good start. The conversation your characters had over the internet was a little hard to follow. It was a really interesting way to portray their communication, but because I didn't know who they were before hand it was a little bit hard to keep track of which one was which. I like the idea of it a lot, but if you use that technique in the future, you might want to either make the conversation shorter or have a chapter like this one introduce your characters before you show their chat log. I'm interested in seeing where this story goes.