|Reviews for Captain Skyler|
| Basic-bookworm chapter 27 . 11/16/2011
1) Favorite character (and why if you have why). Um... I all-most of them... they're... good... sort of... What I mean to say is I like that they have different specific traits. Some author's can't make separate character's properly, leaving them to all be very similar.
Though you also have a tendency to make all of the character's... likeable, one of the best parts of a story is the not-particularly-nice good main character.
2) Favorite joke/pun (and why if you have a why). Um... I think I liked the walking water one as well, though I do adore the chapter title's, they're cleverly named.
3) Favorite scene/chapter (and why if you have a why). I liked... /blush/ um... /looks at feet/ the uh... mind meld scene... because I thought it was very well written... umm... not like THAT it's just... the descriptions... damn I'm writing myself further into the hole aren't I?
4) Biggest problem/point of confusion. Uh... I don't understand what that character which name started with a 'The' had another word than ended with a 'Project' was. (if you answer my question than my thing on this site's the same, I just can't be bothered loging in)
5) Least favorite scene/chapter (and why if you have a why). Um... I don't... know...
6) This is where you sing my praises. I am just amazed at the universe you created here, with a history and a complicated present, with a whole government that I assume you just made up. If this were a published book, it's the sort of thing that just BEG'S for fan fiction to be wrote about it.
7) And then you get to screech insults. I think it ended too quickly. Though it was very long, I think it still had a few loose ends. I also think that you're completely psycho/cruel to have created this wonderful universe with so much to explore and only wrote one book-length text for it.
I'm not sure that last bit was insulting enough.
| PrinceClaire chapter 27 . 10/30/2011
Whew... it's finally time to do the review. I stumbled across this story yesterday during one of my daily slash/yaoi/gay fiction hunts and was up until 3am, at which point my eyes were screaming at me to stop staring at tiny computer text and get the hell to bed, completely enthralled with your writing.
1) Favorite character: Starting off with a toughie, I see! Well you had me hooked in the first chapter with Tyler/Ace. I always enjoy a story with children in it, especially if another character takes on a parental or big brother/sister role with them (I like to think Eph wouldn't mind being seen as a big brother but Chase might scoff :P). Also, the Hero brothers, Aaron and Erick. There were only a couple mentions of them and the only scene I can really recall at the moment is the recording of them on the MUGshow in chapter 15, so I'm not sure I can really call them favorite characters, but something about them definitely made me curious. And Myth. His odd mixture of maturity, playfulness, hope, and caution made him seem more 'fleshed out' than other side characters and I personally think humility is overrated. This section should have been titled: "Please explain, in excruciating detail, your reasons for liking each and every side character."
2) Favorite joke/pun: I snickered at the bit about Eph hanging the moon but not the stars. And the 'whore-er stories' reminds me of a running joke with my friends involving a risque Halloween costume and the word horrible.
3) Favorite scene/chapter: I liked the scenes involving Chase and Eph's minds because I enjoy the idea of the mind being a location where all thoughts, memories, dreams and feelings are stored and that each person's mind location is unique. Also, the chapter where Ace was reading his history lesson, because lore is like porn for me. Well, almost.
4) Biggest problem/point of confusion: IT'S OVER D: ...ahem. Actually my biggest 'problem' is also one of the reasons I loved your story so much. Your side characters and worlds have tales and pasts beyond the chapters of this story and that's what made them so real and captivating to me and other readers. However, it also makes me insanely curious about them. For example: Just what/who is the Elrad Project? What's the story behind the Hero brothers? Whatever became of Chase's anger and what was the thing that Eph saw the moment before it disappeared in chapter 7? What other things can Beta's do and what laws are there in place (if any) restricting these abilities from being used on others? What's the deal with orchids? There are about a hundred others but in order to ever be satisfied I'm afraid I would have to chain you to a desk and have you write until we're both old and grey.
5) Least favorite scene/chapter: I can't think of any. No, really! I can easily say I enjoy the chapters with Chase and Eph together, preferably being smartasses, but there wasn't really anything I can think of that I didn't like. And scenes with Fraiser made me roll my eyes, but only because I get unreasonably protective of main characters when I feel like another character is trying to mess with their relationship. He did redeem himself in the last couple scenes he was in and I appreciated that he wasn't just another spoiled rich youth who was willing to accept his father's views and allow others to pay for his lifestyle, but was willing to stand up for what he believed to be right and cast aside that lifestyle, if needed.
6) This is where you sing my praises: It's been many a moon since I enjoyed a story that was as rich in both romance and plot as this one is. Then to find out that you write slashed fairy tales! Gay versions of cliched love stories with enough sweetness to rot my teeth and guaranteed (well... mostly) happy endings? YES PLEASE! You are truly the Queen to my Prince and I gladly take an oath of fealty to your crown. I also made an account here just to write this review. I usually leave them with just my name, but this will make it easier for when I need to reread this story, just in case your profile disappears from my favorites folder for some reason.
7) And then you get to screech insults. Or anything else constructive (or not) that you might want to add: There was the occasional incorrect word use, misspelling, and grammar mistakes, but it certainly wasn't enough to detract from the story and after reading countless stories online I count my blessings if an author sees vowels are mandatory components of a word, instead of optional. I did feel that the last couple chapters were a bit rushed. Starting from when the group goes to the farm to speak to slaves from off-world, everything seemed to move quickly towards to end with no obstacles or plot turns and the trial, and subsequent triumph over the IPA, were entirely skipped over. I understand that those events would be slow after the rescue of Ace and a tidy sum up might seem a good way to avoid taking the risk of becoming dry or boring (not that I think you could have!) but it did seem like there was something missing.
Well! That must be the longest review I've written in quite some time, if not ever! But you truly earned it and I hope to leave many more reviews (maybe not as long) in the future as I dive into your other stories (Fairy tales, here I come!). After the required stalking attempts once I finished this story and decided I absolutely needed to read more of your work, I discovered you were rewriting this story. I did skim a chapter and could easily tell your writing has only improved. My curiosity is practically humming but, forgive me, I'm going to have to resist. If a 'WIP' story catches my eye I will occasionally read it, but I try to avoid them and, even knowing the story this time, I'm reluctant to start the rewritten version without knowing if/when it might be finished. I'm sorry!
I look forward to many more enjoyable hours curled up in fuzzy blankets with your wonderful stories. That is, after I finally get some sleep. It's 9am and I've yet to sleep, a fact that shows in the number of commas in this review (the sleepier I get, the more I use them, even when I shouldn't!).
...umm... maybe one more story.
| Naomi chapter 27 . 8/29/2011
Actually your guide helps quite a bit.
My favorite character... I'd have to say... either Chase or Tyler. Tyler is a real cutie! :)
I loved how he named the ship Shoe. I would never have thought of that. Adorable. And the crew members as toes? xD Hilarious!
There's a couple of things I didn't understand... Walnut Station turned into Almond Station I believe.
And... how did they know the location of Cataconica?
This was an engrossing read but... (and this is where I combine praise with criticism) there's some grammatical/spelling errors here and there... Also sometimes "loose" is used when "lose" should be.
But! This is a well-written sci-fi slash, which can be difficult to do. I loved how you came up with new ideas like beeabee, MUGs, etc... and... ahaha, did Firefly inspire you with the whole "terraforming"? 3
| Eggage chapter 27 . 7/21/2011
um, well, I've re-read this half a dozen times now, and I thought it was time to let you know just how much I love reading this. The only thing I didn't like about it was the fact that I didn't find out about it sooner.
Thanks for taking the time to write this story, it's brought me hours of enjoyment. :)
| Kat-of-Clyde chapter 27 . 7/15/2011
1) Favorite character: Horny. Or the bear. Both, actually.
2) Favorite joke/pun: Walking water, probably.
3) Favorite scene/chapter: Chase flipping the stuffed animals in their compromising position.
4) Biggest problem/point of confusion: Whatever happened to Chase's anger? Did the fact that it shrunk symbolize that it had become managable, and he was now mostly in control? Also, I want to know more about their families. Although I think I might have to read some of your other stories to do that.
5) Tyler reading the history book. I'm with Tyler. It might be informative and nice to know... but I'd prefer the characters to give me the cliffsnotes. ;)
6) Here's some earplugs. Trust me, put them in. *Waits until you've done so before beginning to sing.*
7) For the record, I'm bad about including descriptions myself... so I'm not going to screech at that, because if you develop your characters well (which you've done for your main characters,) what they look like is rather redundant. Really enjoyed the story.
| SilverSymbol chapter 27 . 7/3/2011
Ok, so my favorite chars. Are the Black and White Heros. Cause they're cute!
My fav joke AND scene is when they switch MUGs on tv.
My biggest problem is that you didn't finish the story. Those two don't have their story yet, you never tied up the mind Block loose end (he still has it and Chase still doesn't know the secret), and Tyler should get his story as well. So I see 2 sequels in your future. Pleeeeaaaasssseeee write them!
I loved the story. In fact I love your stories. :D I'm a huge fan a fairytales twisted in weird ways. Ajnin is the BOMB!
You're eyes are like two gemstones glistening in the moonlight. You're hair is as soft as a baby bunny's first breath. Your lips... Whatever you are very humble. I wouldn't want to embarrass you any more.
| Kitsu Kurasei chapter 27 . 6/8/2011
Yes, it's 2011 and someone is reviewing Captain Skyler for the first time. Not the first read, though.
1) Favorite character (and why if you have why).
You know, I don't understand why Elrad's still being kept a secret. Or did you give up the game later? I can't find anything from this 'verse in your story list, but I'm gonna raid the archive anyway, so don't tell me if this plot point didn't get dropped. Anyway, for me it's Eph, probably. Or the rebel leaders - really, the Betas seem too callous to empathize with at all many times. I guess when you're so literally high and mighty it's a little easier to fuck with people and make them look dumb for not being mind readers. It seems to just be too far, though. Not to mention that it makes being rebellious and politics-raging smack of hypocrisy.
2) Favorite joke/pun (and why if you have a why).
It was either walking water or hanging the moon but not Star. Regan has no bloody taste. Of course, a lot of your stuff made me laugh out loud, and is thus fav worthy. Even on the bus, and under my breath at work, when I would open a dozen chapters at home so they'd get me through the day. Yay laptop.
3) Favorite scene/chapter (and why if you have a why).
It's hard to think chapter-wise when I've rushed through a completed book twice over. Hmm. For a scene I'd say... I really liked the Miteroscape from chapter 20. By the tens on, you show a general jump in talent, but in places like here in particular you show strength in an area you've already lamented in your own Q&A: your side characters. They're endearing and memorable - I remembered all about them as soon as that damn scene started. Amiable and laid-back with a rational temper, and getting along well together in a way that shows history - history beyond Chase's piece of the story pie. Also it had some good puns, though I don't understand why the joke about Eph's kissing trumped the pun about Star and counted as a success to bask in. It was okay, but not so well worded as say, walking water. Or the dust bunny hunting. Incidentally, this isn't a scene but mentioning wording makes me want to speak here anyway - I love the added cleverness of chicken FEATHERS and dust bunny MEAT - it shows a good grasp of humour as the unexpected, even this many years back. You could have said chicken and dust bunnies, and the joke would have WORKED, but it wouldn't stick so well.
4) Biggest problem/point of confusion. Before I get to this, I want to preface it using my favourite analogy in a long time - the one where Eph said being able to mind-read his targets made espionage a game that he hadn't bothered to master, but held all of the cheat codes to. For the beginning to the late-mid parts of the story, everything feels this way. You gave us these incredibly powerful characters, people who didn't hesitate to use that power, and then coupled that with authority and pitted them against an enemy that couldn't conceivably fight them. Sure, there probably was a way, but the perception of this is lost when you see the heroes romping past obstacles or barreling through, suffering nothing but minor inconveniences. They're tougher, smarter, and they have better luck. If this story was meant to have any sort of dramatic tension, that would bother me. I would have demanded that you made the enhatamine a real threat, instead of just a risk that gets glossed over in one paragraph. I would have been insulted by the smuggler's inability to remember that he was fighting a Beta, and shouldn't use stupid surprises. Ace's ability to hide their info would have been handled with more gravity and gratitude to the heavens, and the fight scene with the duke would have at LEAST gotten someone on the good side hurt. Yet, I hate melodrama - angst pisses me off, and insurmountable odds where they don't make sense do even more so. Anyway, you expounded on enough stuff and made enough funny that the story didn't need to ride on tension or doubt - it just kept chugging along on the high of hilarity. Even a little rushing was okay. Until the late 20's. Tiffany's gay freakout was contrived, and her attitude too overboard to be taken seriously - especially on the lies. The fact that they got her out with no problem almost stung - the group should have at least had to DO something. No, pretending to be celibate wasn't suffering enough, especially when you still slept together in a soundproof room. Even more so than this was the epilogue. I think - and I daresay I thought this the first time - that the trial stuff should have gotten a chapter, and then we'd have another chapter as the epilogue, to get closer looks at our happy family of toes *shot* and savour our enemy's defeat. I feel like I got shuffled out of the main plot too soon, and it cuts off my feeling of closure. Then again, the lack of closure makes me want to read your other things to feel better and get a grip, so I suppose it meets your ends.
5) Least favorite scene/chapter (and why if you have a why).
Like I ranted up there - the epilogue feels mishandled. Especially since it has another endearing meeting with the rebel leaders - I love them! I hate to dislike any chapter that lets them talk. The ending half of the chap was good, really - it was the first that screwed with me.
6) This is where you sing my praises.
I've read this twice now. This is one of the stories that dragged me back to fictionpress, along with one called Mount Robillard (do believe you fav'd that once upon a time, eh?) and another called First Person Perspective. (Another oldie - heh, and I never even SAW fictionpress before two years ago). No, I didn't stumble upon them again - it was just that the moment I was free of college, had time to so much as THINK, I wanted to see this again. I spent weeks digging for it after work, fond memories haunting me in hours away from the 'net. I knew how much I loved it before. Also, I felt like a dick for probably not reviewing last time. I know having someone dregde up even your old, unpracticed works again and again is compliment enough, so I'll say naught a word more.
7) And then you get to screech insults.
The last time I checked in, Butterly Watch was updated recently. I was excited for where it would go, and took the risk to read it when it was incomplete (I HATE doing that. I don't trust other authors to finish anything anymore than I do myself). Why is it like, one of your ONLY incompletes? Blargh. Minor inconvenience, though, and I do LOVE how proliferant you've been. Off to re-read some stuff, FINALLY devour others. Night
| NormaJean Beausoleil chapter 27 . 6/8/2011
oh qui, what a marvelous story! what great characters! what witty writing! bravo!
i do wish you added a paragraph (or, you know, 1/2 a chapter tying up the loose ends of the white-coat/black-coat tension/storyline. what was the block on eph's mind? is he still reporting to the white coats? what's the deal with that creepy elgar?
anyway, great job! loved it!
| NormaJean Beausoleil chapter 21 . 6/8/2011
i love these characters more and more as i read this story. it's really wonderful. great job!
| artmagus chapter 27 . 3/15/2011
very good story! i liked the characters very much and it was well written so over all it was very pleasant!
| Blue Screen of Death chapter 26 . 2/27/2011
You get two reviews! Yay!
In my other one (posted on last chapter) I, like a moron, left out probably the COOLEST part of your story - how you described the Beta's minds, how they stored their thoughts, and experiences, and emotions (yay for the angry anger fire spirit thing!) and how every body experiences their mind differently, and some are even SCARED by it (poor sweet boy has hell in his head o.0). If we are being honest, I love seeing this kind of thing in stories (Dreamcatcher (for the library mind) and Inception for...well, everything for example...) because I totally have my own little setting for everything in there.
I really liked how Eph's brain was just a knot, because he kept picking up stuff that his mind was never quite sure if it was its own, or adopted, and if it should be let go, or kept...I'd imaging getting that all in email form and deleting spam was probably a lot simpler and less scary than trying to untangle a labyrinthine knot bigger than the self (though I suppose it being in your mind you could always make yourself bigger than it).
You did not include it in the story, but I couldn't help thinking that all people, Beta or normal, had the same sort of thing, maybe just less pronounced in normals, and I tried to imagine what each of your character's settings might be, (for I am geek).
I could probably blather on and on about this for a while, but I'm sure you get the gist of my praise, and have better things to do. I just could not review and make no mention of this.
Thanks again for writing this story - be sure I will pass it along to my friends.
| Blue Screen of Death chapter 27 . 2/27/2011
1) Tyler "Ace" N'Bartin: Ever since reading FAKE well written children have been my favorites (I struggled, really, really, hard and long to make that sound less creepy, by the by) because they are so adorable and innocent yet not, and they are so perceptive its freaking scary. Tyler is especially awesome for getting the tattoo of the aces and naming the chickens. It also seems to me that he and Chase are the two who changed the most over the course of the story. (Btw, just because I said he's my favorite here doesn't mean I don't adore the rest of your characters to pieces)
2) I can't take the -pun-ishment. XD
3) Oddly enough and completely unexpected, I like Tiffany's chapter/pieces, ESPECIALLY the later ones, where she is just entranced by the fish. Here, among all this gadgetry, and I'm getting so impressed that they have SPACE SHIPS, whatever the hell MUGs are, and CHICKENS - here, is a woman who has been raised in like a puritanical setting, taken to be a slave, pregnant not likely by choice...entranced by fish. All that other stuff to, but she comes back to the FISH. And I just think it was really well written, her coming around to help.
4) I know this is really hard to do, and I'm sorry for bringing it up - random descriptions of things everybody alive knows, but we don't because hey, lets be honest, the best we got is a space station with single digit occupancy. You managed really really well getting a few short blurbs in there, but I do feel like they stick out a little because they do not really further the scene or the story just serve to inform us.
5) My least favorite scene was in all honesty the sex meld scene - NOT - because you wrote it poorly or any junk like that. I prefer how you went about it in general, actually. It just seemed to me like it was their first time (physically at least, AND with the super awesome mind bond thing) and that it should have been somewhere special, somewhere where they DID have that recuperation time, and not with a ship full of people and a lovesick hidebound pregnant woman demanding that the Captain release Eph from his evil, evil, clutches. So I suppose it is not actually the scene itself, only where it happened to land along the story timeline.
6) *Bows down to the queen* All hail Qui-ween! Long live the Qui-ween! (Being humble is for those who lack the ability to be extraordinary )
7) I, amazingly, do not have a novel to write here. That's gotta be a first. I think anything that I can add here you are perfectly well aware of yourself, and I don't know about you, but criticism from random people always puts me on edge (ESPECIALLY when I am well aware of the so called fault).
All in all, this was a fantastic story to read, and I sincerely enjoyed the worlds and learning about Betas and I laughed that CARDS over seemingly all of our games, survived (somehow I thought Sorry! would span the test of time XD) Allow me to thank you on behalf of late readers like myself for pulling through and finishing this story, even when the going got tough (we need more like you). :)
| Tears Of A Wolf chapter 27 . 1/24/2011
1) Orchid... He was just...awesome.
2) Horny. I'm just immature like that.
3) The one with the alley, that was cute.
4) I get the feeling that you left the whole 'secret' thing kinda stranded after awhile.
5) All scenes with that Fray guy.
6) OMG!1! U R SO TTLY AWSOME THAT I LIEK
| Sonne Lore chapter 27 . 1/17/2011
Oh my sweet ever loving Jesus on a thrice damned pogo stick! I actually found this story quite by accident and after a brief argument with my inner pessimist, who firmly believes that no author on this site has yet to produce a decent story, I clicked the link - insert appropriate victory dance here. I think I squee'd so much my neighbours are afraid of me. I am absolutely in love with this story, you literally broke my heart when it ended (please tell me theres a sequel?) and I should, rightfully so, demand fictorial recompense. So, enough gushing. Your governmental model is quite singular, and it's history appropriately rife with terror and upset as only an inter-stellar fiction can be. Your idea's of 'Old Earth' did remind me of the 'Earth That Was' legend from Firefly though, and I must say it was an interesting paralell. The Beta's as policemen, so to speak, and their Jedi-likeness was amusing and well thought out, it's execution a tad confusing at times though unequivocally genius. The addition of unique bits of technology, planetary history, culture and the sheer amount of detail makes this fic an utterly captivating read. I am surprised to say that I have absolutely nothing bad to say about your story and generally I am a horridly evil critic. Congratulations, and please, for the love of all things slashy and epic, write a sequel. If you already have, mountains of cookies to you.
| ryoryo chapter 27 . 1/4/2011
1) Favorite character: Toss-up between Chase and Eph. Probably a cop out since they are, after all, the two main chars. I also liked Orchid because he was sort of mysterious at the beginning.
2) Favorite joke/pun: ... kind of the "if you're in front of my face you have to be prepared to get tongue", but really just the fact that he licked the paper to begin with. But this may be because of it was so recent.
3) Favorite scene/chapter: I sort of liked where Eph explains to Morin how he found all of the booby-traps, etc, in his bear.
4) Biggest problem/point of confusion: The Elrad project seemed sort of a throw-away mystery, both as to what it was and to what it might have to do with the ship-technology. Also, the split between Black and White Coats isn't very convincingly explained. In fact, until Eph started angsting over it, I wasn't entirely sure if it was a big rift or just two separate branches of the same thing.
5) Least favorite scene/chapter:
6) This is where you sing my praises: Generally, this was a really fun fic to read. I enjoyed the character interaction, and I liked that Chase figured out that Eph was a White Coat on his own.
7) And then you get to screech insults: The main thing that detracted for me was something that I see in a lot of online fic, and is more a technical thing. Basically, there are several pairs of words that people seem to have completely confused. The ones that I noticed in particular in your fic:
defiantly used instead of definitely.
loose used instead of lose.
choose used instead of chose.
breath used instead of breathe.
too used instead of to.
and then there's the confusion of lie and lay, in particular the past tenses. You used them correctly in some places and not in others.
Cleaning these up would have helped the fic to flow better for me.