|Reviews for Tanka|
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 1/31/2008
I don't like how this is formatted.. I think each one should have its own chapter because I cant see a thread between them all.. that said Im reviewing them all like they were separate...
1. The last two lines definitely make you think.. nice job
2. interesting how you say immortality, but then six months.. the alliteration was nice and I love the phrase "wings of starlight"
3. Nice personification.. I also like how you call it a throne
4. Again nice personification and alliteration... interesting saying you want our lives to be like dead leaves..
5. I like the switch from nature to emotions... and how you tie it together
6. Nice slice of life.. wanting to speak, but not doing it.. nicely done
7. I like this one.. very relateable and true
8. Not my favorite.. kinda boring... not sure how you cant remember is name... seems like we need more background
9. powerful last line... the differing temperature changes is awesome as well
10. The white black thing is a great contrast and its beautifully described
11. The whole idea of dragonflies being monsters is nice.. also nice word choice
| disabled account chapter 4 . 2/23/2007
The first three were a little conventional, but the rest of them improved immensely after that. You have some wonderful lines: "I might have won the battle if there hadn't been a war," and "Memory must now suffice where love was never enough." I particularly enjoyed "Price" - gorgeously cruel - as well as the imagery in "Clouds." Adieu, Kat
| R. Louise chapter 1 . 2/19/2007
I love them all! They really pull some feeling out of you.
| sergei chapter 1 . 2/18/2007
Easy to use
However u think twice
Before setting the price
We keep your rights
Do not forget about ours.
| disabled account chapter 3 . 1/21/2007
"Brutal" was quite clever. I love the idea of the sun and moon being estranged lovers.
| disabled account chapter 2 . 1/21/2007
"You are only gentle with things you've already broken" - beautiful.
| Maggot Blood chapter 1 . 12/18/2006
Really cool and interesting, I like how you gave me alot of Tanka's to read. Keep it up.
| disabled account chapter 1 . 12/16/2006
These are terrific. I adore the fact that they begin with a simply aesthetic sentiment and, in the end, savagely twist to form a dry observation or take an unanticipated turn. Most people admittedly do not make the most of - if You will - highly condensed and structured poetry, but these show a mastery that I have never before seen on fictionpress. Congrats. Adieiu, Kat
| art by sola chapter 1 . 12/15/2006
I've never liked haikus, but I find these quite beautiful. Perhaps because haikus are so often thrown about and used as an 'easy way to write poems'. These tankas seem nicer because they are uncommon to me.
But it might just have something to do with your writing, which I think is very good! The first two of these were the best, I thought. '...carry immortality/on wings of starlight' was awesome.
It's nice to see someone trying to actually follow the patterns and traditions of a form of poetry, and not just using the syllable limit as an excuse to write short poems. Thanks!