|Reviews for Book 1: Vampire Tale: Blood red|
| little fox demon chapter 11 . 5/3/2007
so cool love it much i see u have somthing w/ inuyasha good show (thought the last episode was a let down)
| Virage chapter 11 . 4/27/2007
Heya, I'm late, but here's me review!
Yah, I can see how the scenery realy played in. To tell you the honest truth, I really liked. It gave such a cinematic setting in my mind. In fact, the part where Nie disappeared and Kouji was left to stand surrounded by Japanese maples and blossoming sakuras, was just epic. It left such a beautiful taste in my mouth that I could even imagine the camera doing a low shot looking up at Kouji, while slowly spinning, as he just looked around, and the leaves and flowers falling down around him. I'm sure in movie terms there's a name for that camera technique. So the setting was really good (including the dark forest scene when she was getting chased, ooh and when the others got teleported to that weird place with the pond lake thing) and you should continue to keep up with it.
Ok, now for some of the parts that didn't quite make it in my mind, was the lengthy sentences. You had some epically long sentences lol, mostly toward the middle of the story. What it made me do was kinda rush read it because I was waiting for the period to take a breath. So try to shorten some of the sentences and use less commas.
She summoned a gale of wind to push him back, and sent several fireballs his way, when that failed she did her best to put up a psychic force field around herself, praying it would hold since her power of water were useless so high up in the air and her power over earth took too much energy.
I would change it so its:
She summoned a gale of wind to push him back, and sent several fireballs his way. When taht failed she did her best to put up a psychic force field around herself. She prayed ti would hold since her power of water was useless so high up in the air and her power over earth took too much energy.
Simple corrections I think you can experiment with no problem. But the action scenes in this chapter were by far the best I've seen yet. THe beginning was clunky and slow, weird sentence structures and what not, but the second half of the story shined brilliantly. Keep at it, I want to read more chaps like this one (minus the clunkiness lol)
| Virage chapter 10 . 4/1/2007
Interesting chapter, the characters voices were a little more...developed lol. Actually, it was pretty funny how Nie and Rafi went back to their old arguing selves, though I missed the referance about the fireballs; I think I forgot. But yeah, the dialogue was very tight. I'm not sure what it is I'm getting at, but if felt closed. Not making sense am I? The biting was cool, nice little vampire moment lol. Not drawn out or elaborated on, just quick and concrete. I liked it. lol, mentioning Ame's new height was a little funny too. Oh, the chibi sequences, it was kind of awkward for me. It was strange trying to imagine it in my head, having a chibi arguing with Ame, or a Shoji chibi arguing with an ame Chibi, which was cute. But it did have that very anime-esque feel to it, that's for sure.
| Virage chapter 9 . 4/1/2007
I noticed you got a name change! And this is a really old review! Cause I've been lazy! All joking aside, the seriousness of the chapters is getting much more dramatic. There are some hints at humor but most of the plot looks like it's set for the actual real storyline that'll be taking place. I forgot about the betrayal last chap and man, it still feels awkward. But now Rafi and Shoji have to fight for Nie's affection! kurushi!
I'm still having such a hard time with the setting and scenery. I can't put my finger down on what sort of timeperiod this would be. But I'll keep at it, I'll get it eventually, there's so many odd things mixed together, guns, magic, malls, Elias and catdemons and gothic people. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. Anyway, the characters are still doing fine, though with the serious plot, it seems like they've all gotten serious too. But the description for Nie and Ame was a bit weird. It was so extremely detailed and I could see everything you pointed out really well...but that's the thing, they might have been too detailed. In other words, nothing else in the story is detailed like that, ie scenery, the sky, forests, houses, weapons. I'm not saying change anything, just, in the future, think about the balance of details. If characters are going to be eyepoppingly gorgeous, consider doing the same to scenery.
| Virage chapter 8 . 3/7/2007
Cool chapter, but sheesh, it's been so long since I've read it, I had to cycle through my memories to recall who all the characters were. And I noticed you introduced a bunch of new characters this chapter, which sorta might make sense if the wizard and the brick really did go Benedict Arnold on the rest of the group. But I guess some of the characters are kinda funny for the way they act. Shoji has the feel of an old lover, older brother, and best friend, though there's spouts of them fighting each other which is funny. And Katti appeared frightened and nervous at first (the emo goth thing was really funy) but then once she sort of assimilates into the group which is done real quickly, I'm surprised she's on the level with them to the point of calling Nie nicknames like Cat Ears. In a way, she acts a little like Nie. And I noticed your last paragraph went into first person. I did that alot when I wrote my angel story. Sometimes ya just get to into and forget what perspective it's supposed to be.
| Virage chapter 7 . 2/11/2007
yay another chapter. Fun story but this was filled with craziness, it was a little hard to read. Sorry lol. I tried, but things got convoluted. The Scott was kind of funny though. Weird captain. And I didn't know Nia didn't always have her cat ears. Aww, I bet see looks all kinds of crazy hot and cute. I love neko girls! (drools)
Looking forward to next chapter!
| S.R.Kelley chapter 6 . 1/21/2007
you could always have a human!
discription: blondish brownish,redish hair,gray-blue-green eyes freckles... [so on]
personality:very smart extreamly sarcastic kinda along VERY well with Nia [or eles shed be dead]outcast begs to become a vampire[to Aarons disgust]good fighter slightly,extreamly quirky!
anyway just a suggestion well good luck!
| S.R.Kelley chapter 1 . 1/15/2007
i lke it!
| Virage chapter 6 . 1/15/2007
Fun chap but short as you said. It's suprising what kind of a person Rafi used to be, but it's even more suprising how or why he decided to give up that evil lifestyle. He must have been really powerful to be able to do all of that. I wonder if the others know who he is then. Looking forward to next chap
| Virage chapter 5 . 1/5/2007
There were a quite a few grammatical errors and I think a few missing or miss...somethinged words, which made some spots confusing. That aside, oh, what very harsh words. They stings like the dickens. I thought Rafi was pretty level-headed but he went off on her big time. I'm going to attribute that to one of two things; either he was acting out of character which means his dialogue and actions were unrealistic, or damn did he really care about his vampire catgirl. That was a pretty lively and intense scene.
But I was confused at why she got so mad at him, mad enough to hit him and blow up right back in his face. I reread it a few times and I guess it sounds like he was trying to pull "I'm your master so do as I command" type thing. But poor Niella, I thought she was as hard as a nut. She cracked rather easily.
Bits and pieces of grammatical errors again.
The mystery of the Dragon's Vial is revealed! Hey, what a nice treasure, handy too. Nie is so damn cute, I want a plushie of her! I was going to say that Rafi and Nie's remarkable change of attitudes toward each other was conveniently unrealistic and you should probably look it over again...but you totally saved yourself with the three-ish paragraphs. I'm glad you did that quick flashback. I'm assuming they did sorta makeup which is great! Right? RIGHT?
Personality: DITZ is the word coming to mind, in all caps, bold, and italics. She is very preppy, peppy, wide open, annoying, and very very stupid, very much like most all of her relatives. - lol I am so borrowing that
Wow I didn't know the vampire catgirl was so multi-talented. And...what a crazy time period thingy! I don't remember hearing any of the background story to the world. So there are fantasy creatures like wizards, dragons, faeries, nymphs, vampires, and vampire catgirls(one I guess) but also human secret organizations, scientists, and military men! That's a really interesting perspective on what the overall cutlure is like. I hope this is the first time you went into detail about it otherwise, I totally missed the drop hints earlier in the story. I'm assuming this story still has a long way to go since it sounds like their prophecy and journey is going to take them on a wild crazy adventure. I hope. One can hope.
Looking forward to the next chap/set of chaps!
| Virage chapter 4 . 12/21/2006
Airhead? This should be fun. But I like your grasp on character tension, by your setup, you've got the makings for hilarious comedy or uber drama. You've got a jestful vampire who secretly likes a catgirl vampire, who dislikes him back but may also secretly like him. There's also a sprite mediator who finds them both amusing and now a wizard who hates vampires comes in along with a ditsy bouncy wood nymph who the catgirl vampire would rather eat than befriend.
I love it, I hope you play to those strengths.
Ooh Dragon's Vial; it sounds mysterious.
| Virage chapter 3 . 12/21/2006
Real smooth with the character intro to Ame. The way you described her while still staying with the story was great. And the description was nice too; pixie fairy!
| Virage chapter 2 . 12/16/2006
Not bad for an interesting take on the vampire story. It sounds original, but I don't read too many vampire stories. I will point out that there were a ton of typos from both chapters. Easily fixable though. The namedrop of BK was so random, but it made me laugh. I really like both their personalities, fiesty and short-tempered meets calm and facetious, great combo. I think their relationship will be fun to watch. The second chapter was a little strange; you started off at such a random spot, but then backtracked to what happened beforehand, then returned to the present. I suppose it's not a complaint, so much as an observation. Nice cliff too. If you keep the coherancy and plot rolling along, you can bet I'll come back to this one. Woo for neko girls!