|Reviews for Thirteen times two|
| Ganina.Marie chapter 1 . 8/20/2012
Wow, I have a friend named Richard who is almost 13... And I beat a shocking resemblance to the ghost...
Can't wait to tease him over this amazing story!
| Adelois chapter 1 . 5/27/2011
the ending is rushed, but it's still good to read
| Revenge Is Bliss chapter 1 . 3/12/2011
I was engrossed in this story. Very morbid, I like your style of writing. My horror stories (or, the ones soon to come) cannot compare to your's. Continue writing.
| Ioga chapter 1 . 1/7/2011
Ooh, I stumbled on your first piece! Quite brutal. You have something against Richards? ;) The end came rather quickly after the more calm-paced start, but it holds its age quite well.
The girl reminds me of the kid in Ring who crawls out of a TV set to kill you. Br.
Minor nitpicks: Quite a few of the paragraphs (non-thud ones too) and some sentences within them start with a non-capital letter. It doesn't seem to be consistent enough to be stylistic. The second and third paragraphs have rather many 'but's starting a sentence. There's also apostrophes missing from the "Richard's" right after the girl was gone, and a hyphen out of place in "it's" (in genetive). Finally, I think "26 year old Richard's" should be 26-year-old. I figure maybe you want to keep the thing as it was though, for historical purposes. :)
| meowmie chapter 1 . 11/26/2010
| invisible black sheep chapter 1 . 9/22/2009
Amazing! Is it wrong to say that I like the little girl? Of course it is, but I say it anyways. I've never been one to be in their right mind... of course, that would be too boring. Great job on the story!
| im.a.werewolf.rawr chapter 1 . 12/28/2008
Interesting piece here. It's very vague, but that's what I like about it.
| Scared-stiff chapter 1 . 12/28/2006
m i like this very intersting
| Disraeli chapter 1 . 12/22/2006
the first paragraph was very atmospheric, but the second and third seemed a little rushed.
| Krizzie Kurisaki chapter 1 . 12/22/2006
hehe... pretty good, but very confusing. Why did the girl pursue him? Why did his whole family die? Was he cursed or anything. I don't think you're story has a very solid plot.
The thirteen times two idea was cool though.
| Radio Saturday chapter 1 . 12/21/2006
Hm. This is a pretty good story, very interesting and wonderfully gothic - your delight in the weird and macabre is charmingly apparent (or seems to be). However, I think the story needs a little work.
It starts off fairly strong, with the description of the sound from the attic and Richard's fear of it. But slowly, as the story progresses, we lose that detail and that intimacy with Richard, which should have been maintained. It would have been nice to know a little about what he thought and felt during the 13 years he was, apparently, confined in an institution. Some questions need to be answered. What does the girl signify? What is the meaning of the numbers? (Obviously, thirteen for bad luck and the onset of adolescence, but some of the others are a little less clear.) How does Richard feel about what has happened to his family, and about his confinement? (Having a character spend his adolescence in solitary is pretty tantalizing, and a chance not to be missed for serious introspection.) Also, some indications of things like time, place and the significance and character of the girl, should have been given.
All in all, I'd say you're definitely on to something cool here, and you've got a very good story on your hands, but it needs work, especially towards the end. Good work, but do keep working.
| Not Human chapter 1 . 12/20/2006
This is creepy! I like the atmosphere of it, the encroaching dread, the use of numbers. I'd love to see more from you, so keep 'em coming.
| Spare Change chapter 1 . 12/20/2006
Very nice and straightforward. I like no-frills horror stories like this one. Hehe. :)