|Reviews for Paladin|
| Canaletto chapter 6 . 11/19/2009
Okay, I’m reading this for the first time, so I don’t know how it compares to the old version. I was going to read what you had and leave a review at the end of chapter eleven, but I feel like I need to say a few things on chapter six.
First off, this is a good story. Your protagonists are likable, your fantasy world is believable (if that makes any sense), and you’ve included enough tidbits about the past and present to keep the plot interesting. You have a good writing voice, and your few grammatical errors are hardly noticeable.
I was somewhat disappointed with how you handled the Heryn issue. You made hints to it in the earlier chapters, then revealed and resolved the entire thing in this chapter. Personally I think Heryn’s death would have had a greater effect on Irian, more than Casey (who seems to know just what to say) could have helped him get over in such a short time. I feel you should have kept with the pace you were using prior, continuing to reveal small facts about Irian and his brother, and resolve that subplot later on.
Bringing me to my next point, Casey seems to be a bit of a Mary Sue: she has powerful abilities, she learns fast, she doesn’t seem to have any flaws, and she is apparently wise enough to council her peers on death, despite having never dealt with the problem personally. However, I’ve only read up to chapter six, so maybe Casey isn’t as perfect as the earlier chapters make her out to be.
Again, let me say that your writing is a pleasure to read, and I’ll definitely finish the later chapters soon.
| Reda chapter 11 . 7/1/2009
hehehe that's cool and creepy at the same time..what with a dead guy in her head xD
| Delcroy chapter 11 . 2/7/2009
Very nice story. I look forward to reading your next chapter, and I like the pace of the story.
| Celyn chapter 11 . 1/28/2009
I like this version better than the last one!
One thing did stick out as a flub, though- "distant cousin" is not adequate as an excuse for sleeping in the same room. Firstly, people marry their cousins (sometimes). Secondly, if there were ever a story that sounded like a blatant lie, that was it.
Eavesdropping at the door helped but didn't remove the fact that it was a lousy lie which a half-experienced landlady would have seen right through. Saying she was his wife or sister would work better.
Your writing has gotten better in the past (checks date) four years ;D
| A B Lewis chapter 11 . 1/19/2009
XD LIBERIS IS HERE!
Also, for the end- *hug*.
Awesome chapter, not much to critique on it.
Um. Not anything, actually, only you need to post more often. :)
| Darth Buttercup chapter 11 . 1/16/2009
YAY! An update!
I love the fail-boat part.
| For What Its Worth chapter 11 . 1/16/2009
You updated! Excuse me so I can do a few celebratory dances. So he was suppressing her memories? Makes sense, and explains a lot of things. All those teenagers in the corridor, though, make me wonder if Casey is going to meet them. Are Casey's parents aware of her disappearance, or does it somehow work so that they don't notice her absence?
| WordSarien chapter 10 . 1/1/2009
I loved the training scene between Irian and Casey; it's so funny how Irian keeps setting up things like this, expecting Casey to do one thing then finding out something completely different. XD (...Okay, that made no sense whatsoever, but hopefully you know what I mean. :P ')
I also liked the training session from the Armsmistress. :) I thought that the balance between Casey's complete lack of experience and her...uh, "help", if you know what I mean. ;) Since I think I know what I mean, but I could always be wrong. ;) Whatever the case, this sentence:
"You know basic forms but you are clumsy, you move like someone in wrong skin."
was a great summary of it, IMO. :)
Sorry for the short (for me, anyways :P) review, but I'm trying to catch up with a lot of stuff. ' (Plus I still need to re-read this to see about the changes you've made. ;)) Anyways, looking forward to more! :)
~Elicael, Fire Sarien~
| Seeker of Knowledge chapter 10 . 12/19/2008
well, im quite liking this story and looking forward to the next update but there is two little nitpicks i could think of.
despite coming from a completely different world and knowing nothing of the customs of this new land, casey hasn't really seemed too concerned about her friends and family back on earth and whether she would be able to go back or not.
fair enough if she wants to stay, but she hasn't seem at all worried about the uncertainty of her chances of having the choice to go back home.
actually just one more: when she's buying the weapons how does she know what coins to give the smith? is it also a spell like the language one. otherwise they could use a whole different type of monetary system where gold may not be the most expensive type of coin.
other than that im extremely enjoying reading this story, please hurry with the next installment (but not rush the story/plot .)
never stop writing
| For What Its Worth chapter 10 . 12/18/2008
It's good to see another chapter again. So is Casey dealing with instincts passed on with the magic, or whatever? Cool.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 10 . 12/14/2008
Hm... still trying to get used to the whole new switch in the reviewing tab. tbh that's super annoying. :S Anyway, hope you remember me lol! :D I do. ;) Ok, so basically, I can see that this is a training scene literally. That being said though, I'm truly surprised at Casey's insane talent for magic and to a certain extent, fighting. Just a word of warning though: Be very sure not to make Casey into a generic Mary Sue where talent wise is concerned. I know that if you still remember what you have gone through in Circles of Arven, you'll know I committed the same mistake as well. Don't. The whole thing, to me atm, seems rather random. That being said though, I admit it can open up a whole new possibility in terms of plot wise where the reasons behind Casey's talents are concerned. :) And yeah, you gonna update this one regularly from now? Have to ask this since I guess this is your top priority fic atm. And yeah, hope to see your reviews for my stories again soon. Have to say there a hell lot for you to catch up with atm. ;)
| Arsenic Cupcakes chapter 2 . 12/13/2008
Hey, I'm kinda likin' this. I have to say that I thought the first part was pretty good, especially all the hints of a fantasy setting, mentioning the Truedark sect and whatnot... Brings up some curiosity.
The second part where you switched to Casey's point of view was kinda hasty... It all happened pretty fast. But nonetheless I was [i]still[/i] hooked by that first part. And maybe the mention of the percussionist, and the DnD, and the Hug Ninja shirt. Peace to my nerd homies! .
| Jareth Valentine chapter 10 . 12/13/2008
Sweet Oz. You updated!
It's been so long I had to go back and re-read to remember where we were.
Great to see something come of this story again.
It's funny, but I feel a bit like Casey here...doing something it seems I've done before, all half-remembered. Only in this case, it's reading the re-written chapters. :P
| 4square chapter 10 . 12/13/2008
i'm loving this story. i just found it today and i've read all the chapters and they're amazing. keep up the great work :]
| Mayaj chapter 10 . 12/12/2008
YAY new Paladin chapter! Oh fun. I missed Irian, and the sword lessons are so great! :D hee, thanks for the plug...