|Reviews for Pure Instinct|
| Agapantha chapter 30 . 8/23/2007
Wow, I loved the plot in that one and some of the more subtle ideas were great. I also loved the line about nostalgia and also when she think 'always late' in her mind, that was good too.
Well done! Update today.. at least!
| Frosthold chapter 14 . 8/5/2007
Oh... very cool! I loved Jake's thoughts about taxies, very original. And bit about the hotel door was hilarious. Otherwise, there were a couple of errors in this chapter and I thought the end needed to have more discription in it, about the red light and all.
p.s. Are you still reading nyx?
| Agapantha chapter 29 . 7/31/2007
Heya - Sorry it took so long. *Cute expression*
'For better or worse,' that's good - it makes him seem quite wise (well not wise that's not the word) but sort of penisive (that's not the right word either but oh well.)
'content to follow her whether she answered or not and whatever her answer would be.' Aw, wub the eetle puppy dog.
'to tell h I’m th' Just wanted to point out the typo becasue it made me laugh. Don't as kme why.
'don’t beg, you might end up damaging your ego' Lol. Made me smile, I think I'll have to use that one.
'Kacie was blunt, almost angry.' I like that, I often have trouble for finding another way to write 'snapped' amd that one works really well plus it has the seriuos tone as well.
'within Me.' I'm not sure sure if the capital was intentional but it was good, it suggested that she was putting stress on that word.
'A black panther. Dark, dangerous, deadly' I noticed the alliteration. Although it would have been so cool if you'd written it as three sentences: A panther. Black. DArk, dangerous, deadly. I don't know why, it just seemed cool. XD Ignore me.
'This is what the rest of my life will be like. A constant battle against a silent hunter and I can’t even run' I love this! You should set it as your msn name.
'Even if the creature doesn’t just take one piece and you end up giving all of yourself away then at least you tried to end the silent war' That's so sad. It put me in mind of the last line in a tragic end to a story where the hero is about to embark on the last test, the last test where the chance of returning is null but the choice has gone.
'complete and utter desperate despair' great...only... desperate despair? I can see you just had so many adjectives to describe that and all you wanted to do was put them all in but the desperate doesn't work. Solly. *sheepish face*
'Aww mon mignone!’ Luis’ voice was soft as he wrapped Kacie up in a tight embrace.' Aw, mon Louis.
Feels like a traitor...
I still prefer Jake.
'all barriers put aside' I don't know why I like this. I think it's because it sounds like 'mature' writing. Don't ask me to explain that.
'Luis shifted Kacie’s weight from one of his arms to the other so that her weight was more balanced and he would be able to better bear it' Is he carrying her or is she just leaning against him? And if he is carrying her, why? Wouldn't Jake want to know what was wrong if she seemingly couldn't carry herself?
'The foul, harshly sweet, smell of drying blood and torn flesh made Jake gag with revulsion' [This is curiosity, whatever you do don't change the sentence.] (just in case) Does a newly slain corpse smell/ smell like that? When you see it on telly you never wonder what it smells like. XD
'motherly way of a mother ' I don't think I need to say anything. XD
'snarls of crossed hatred' Very vampiric, perfectly ameiable until you anger them (or they want to eat you) and then they just get savage.
'Colette was too bitter to be a reliable ally, too manipulative and gullible' I like that, don't ask why.
'too shocked or exhausted' Being shocked isn't something you admit to. It works and sounds good as a sentence but it doesn't sit well as speech.
'I know why too Izzy' Dramatic!
'She knew that you were the one vampire who got injected with the second gene therapy, the one that turned everyone into the ‘monsters’ that the world labelled you. She knows that your injection infected the rest of the race.’ What! This bit I do not understand at all. I think there was a link back to the prologue but I can't remember what you said there. Mind you, if I didn't have to wait so long between chapters I wouldn't forget what happens now would I? angery hint hint. lol
'Meanwhile, to save on the time that they were wasting away, Carmen took over the planning of what they were to do next since Isabella was unintelligible' Not needed. Sorry, that was maybe a little blunt. It just flows better if you don't have this.
'It was decided' lol, great chapter ending. It was really, sort of... firm. I liked it.
Anyways, Loved the beginning! (and especially her conversation with Luis especially especially) I think you can gather that I didn't really understand the ending but oh wells - I could still tell that it was written well, I just didn't understand what it linked to. Sorry.
Love it, always have loved it, always will love it. Great stuff!
| Frosthold chapter 12 . 7/25/2007
Lol! Another funny chapter ending. Anyways, I'm glad we get to know more about Jake in this one. What a sad story! Some phrases I loved:
"He must hold so much resentment towards his father. Can’t say I blame him."
Kacie knows about that doesn't she with Izzy as her mom.
"...the birds chirping in their annoyingly happy voices..."
She's so cynical!
"Stupid covers. Kacie lapsed back into her old self for a moment until she managed to few herself from the offending inanimate object."
Lol : ) Did you really mean to say few though? shouldn't it be free?
In the para "‘Oh, sorry Jake. I guess I forgot to tell you how to reverse the change. Just do the same as you did to become a cat but substitute your true form into the place of the cat. Simple. Changing into something new is always the hardest part.’ Kacie informed Jake in a rush." Shouldn't it be Izzy informing him?
Another great chapter!
| Frosthold chapter 11 . 7/24/2007
Another very interesting chapter! There were a couple grammatical errors like:
‘Do you truly believe that Kacie, r is that just what you’ve been brought up to believe?’
‘You’ll be in France by 10 O’clock tomorrow morning.’
You don't need to capitalize the o.
Also, I never thought about it before but Stonebrooke sounds a bit like a retirement home, we have a chain in the states that's called Edenbrook.
And I thought I was kind of funny that everyone but Kacie realized that Jake and her were supposed to be partners.
| Frosthold chapter 10 . 7/23/2007
Oh, very interesting. Quite a good chapter ending, makes me want to read more! I can't tonight though, it's nearly eleven, but I will tomorrow.
| Frosthold chapter 9 . 7/22/2007
Aww, Jake is really sweet! Kacie on the other hand... maybe needs a little work : D. She's a very good character and so is Isabella although I'm not sure the interactions between her and Jake are all together believable. They seemed to go from boss to trainee to worried friends really fast. Anyways, another awsome chapter, I'll read more soon.
| Frosthold chapter 8 . 7/20/2007
Wow, amazing! I loved the bit at the end and as soon as Kacie figures out about the elders she judges them. That is some serious character development there.
| Frosthold chapter 7 . 7/20/2007
hmm... gruesom (in a good way : ) )! I'm not supprized you had trouble with this chapter because of the nature of it, but I would not have guessed if you hadn't put in the note. The only thing I found wrong with this chapie is "the homeless and the criminals that have agreed to pay their rent through blood being willing blood donors." It is kinda repetitive. Anyway, I think the phrase "she almost felt alive" is hilarious. Kudos!
| Frosthold chapter 6 . 7/20/2007
An amazing chapter! It really upped my interest in the story and made me wonder if something more sinister could be going on after all. I loved the phrase 'her evil smirk discontinued.' Great work, once again!
| Agapantha chapter 28 . 7/19/2007
'she was trapped' Great
No intro today.
'They’d died of broken skulls: Carmen had smashed their skulls' skulls twice. And I think you used 'half-breed' too many times but I can't think of another word for it so I guess it'll be ok.
'Kacie learnt that each vampire had a specific animal within them, often one that reflected their personality' ooh ooh, you should like say Dracula's one was a bat - if he people thought he turned into a bat that is. I havnt read it. - it would be a great detail to add!
'sentiments, Rafael three Jake and Kacie back into the whirlwind of conscious life.' huh? I'm not quite sure how this sentence should sound. XD
Ok, another good chapter as always. I don't know which number this 1 is but it seems like the novel is starting to draw to a close - I look forward to the ending. XD
| Frosthold chapter 5 . 7/18/2007
Another very good chapter, extremely descriptive. Great job with the new character!
| Agapantha chapter 27 . 7/18/2007
No review reply? *sniffs*
Ok, the book sounds so complicated and yet so intriguing. can I guess the trainer? It's 50/50 so I'll have a go. Luis?
After all your effort you'll hate for me to say this but you don't need the 1st cut scene.
'She said nothing more.' great.
YAY! I was proved wrong! Score. I thought it would be Luis, though, 'cos he's had more experience.
'to a live state, (meaning that they’d go off as soon as an unstated individual entered over the threshold of the floor), ' to a live state is a brilliant description and I wanted to point that out. But you don't need the explanation in the brackets afterwards.
Ok, you say that Rafael doesn't show himself to them immediately but it seems a bit like that to me. If maybe you added the hours ticked by in the middle somewhere it might create that eerie sense where, where they are, hours have passed but actually when they get back they havn't. Or Rafael has come immediatley and it's only been a few seconds but it was so hard to keep track of time that it seemed like hours.
'I was to ask you to give me my promised training, would you?’
‘If you asked, yes.’ Rafael replied.' dunnoa y i liked this, i just did.
'I should of known' I did.
'would have wished for: five half-breeds' get rid of 5 half breds and the bit after the next cut scene - it is such a brilliant cliffy without it. And the cut scene's not really neccessary either - we all know she's gonna let the deamon possess her.
WOW Hol. I loved the book bit, really I did, and the demon in the black? So clever, so thoughtful. )
| Frosthold chapter 4 . 7/18/2007
Very interesting. I thought the twist was quite good, although the way you told it was made the story go a little slow. Also where was Jamison through Kacie and her mom's conversation? I think it might make more sense if Isabella told her hubby (or is he just a boyfriend) to leave the room before exposing Kacie. Also you should say something about Kacie being confused and not sure which set of orders to follow to make her character seem more believable. All in all I thought it was a very good chapter and I loved the way you described Isabella as exotic.
| Frosthold chapter 3 . 7/18/2007
Wow, very suspenseful! Just one thing, although the phrase 'breathing in the breath he breathed out' is very poetic wouldn't that mean she was breathing in carbon dioxide? That's me for you, always pointing out details. I guess it doesn't really matter : )