Reviews for Pure Instinct
Virage chapter 9 . 4/2/2007
Oh! So dramatic! The only problem I have is it was so emotional and dramatic, I don't know if the tension was properly built. I'm not really sure why Kacie is freaking out so bad, going into super hysteria like that. Maybe I'll go look at the previous chapter again, but if it has to do with the elders and how they lied to her or betrayed her or something, then that should really be beefed up more. I just wasn't as empathetic with Kacie as I should have been, or felt I should have been. But the other characters look alright I think. We already know from Jake's reactions that he seems to reall like Kacie, and is practically in love with her, in a very touchy feely kind of way. Aw, he wiped her tears. And Isabella seems to be along the same lines, though I'm suprised the two of them didn't rush back to her room right away if they were that worried, before Kacie started screaming.

I definitely got the emotional feeling, just not all of it. Though, I'm not sure how I would fix it either. Hell, maybe the emotion was just fine (other viewers please comment) and I'm just wrong. But overall, I some pointers:

Why are the elders so evil?

Whatever happened to that human guy that was hanging around earlier?

Is Kacie still going to ask her mother about that stuff earlier?

Those are just things that float around in my head as the story continues. But a good chapter nonetheless, so many questions, must keep reading on to find out the answers.
puppymobile chapter 8 . 3/14/2007
ok i have to say wow, what a GREAT chapter, and i mean it. i can't find a single fault in it. damn i hate it when that happens. anyhoo, i really look foward to reading more. i know this hasn't been of any use to you, so i will give you one and only one word of avise. it is how to use a theasarus on your computer. highlight the word you want and press F7. that's all i got. keep going! luv ya!
stormy-soul chapter 1 . 3/13/2007

loved it soo well written lol you should add more if your already planning to then thats good to lol god i dont make sence. loved teh description of the kill was v. nicly done.

jake was strange n seems like the kind of people i know (a bit like you lol joke!)

see ya l8er

Sweet Child chapter 8 . 3/9/2007
This chapter was really good! And it was long enough, definitely *laughs* Thanks for considering my opinion.

Anyways, I loved the way you described what was happening to Kacie. The way you wrote about her emotions was great. It seems to me that you've now got really into writing this story. Everything was so... clear and strongly written. I loved it. Congratulations on that. This chapter was awesome. )
Virage chapter 8 . 3/9/2007
Waho! I noticed you pretty much got completely rid of second person! I'm so happy for you! (I hate second person because it makes me feel uncomfortable) But now you're cooking, I think you'll notice you can start shaping your voice more. And great chapter; Kacie is so badass, and the atmosphere of this story is pretty dark. I still wish I could write that way. But maybe I should try to do my own vampire story; the twist would be that it's all kinds of humor and not dark at all. Which, may or may not work; experimental fiction perhaps? Anyway, I liked your characters, the criminal was hesitant at first but then quickly convinces himself he's just gotten lucky. And the elders are bad? Aw, they seemed so nice at first, I thought they really were looking out for the best interests of the vampire community.
Sweet Child chapter 7 . 3/3/2007
I think that Kacie has improved. She seems more alive now, with the way she suddenly felt the hunger overtake her. That scene was good. Although, the chapter was kind of short. *pouts* more next time?

Oh, and I like the way your writing is clearer now. Before it seemed kind of rushed. Now it's going at a nice pace. Keep it up, and I hope you'll update soon.)
puppymobile chapter 7 . 3/1/2007
Wow! that chapter was pretty cool, if a little short. i liked the bit about "She almost felt alive." that made me laugh. i have a question for you though. why aren't you reviewing me? just wondering. you know i'm hooked on this story, so keep writing!
puppymobile chapter 6 . 2/27/2007
y'know, i reckon Jake should be some kind of half human half something else. i would be so cool if he was. don't stick with something traditional, make something up!
Virage chapter 7 . 2/20/2007
mm, this is going to be a little tough. It was a pretty emotional chapter and a ton of stuff happened, but I think they way you went about it was a little premature. A lot of things happened so fast, it didn't feel real. And as shallow as I'll sound for saying it, I didn't really empathize with either of the characters. I did a little with Kacie, but I think you left out a lot of stuff. The characterization was really good, just too quick and too easy. Kind of like, you blew the volcano too soon. I'm not going to to go into super significant detail because I'm not a teacher or anything, but if you want, I can go over in extreme detail what wasn't working with you later. It's still constructive criticism I swear.

But I can't wait to see what Kacie's mother reveals! You've properly built up that line of tension for sure.
Beautiful Pixie chapter 6 . 2/14/2007
this is good, I think you need to keep Jake for the time being unless there is a lesson learned from his death.
Virage chapter 6 . 2/7/2007
Oh man! Awesome drama! I want to know what happens too! I really like the interplay between Jake and Kacie; he's not so bad, he's actually kind of...soft lol. I'm surprised he let himself be dragged along by Kacie. Maybe he is much nicer than he seems. But I especially liked the last bit at the end. What could Isabella possibly want to hide from her own daughter? And too bad Jake opened his mouth, because now Kacie has a bone to pick. I hope it's nothing bad, it would be terrible then. I actually can't tell if there's grammar mistakes or not since Brits spell some words different than Yanks. Everything else is pretty good.

But this is the only thing I didn't understand:

‘M,’ Kacie mused to herself for a while before returning with a musing question, ‘you didn’t answer what I asked. What did my mother say to your question?’

I didn't understand what question was asked? Did Kacie ask him a question? It looked like it was missing. So because of that, I didn't understand Jake's answer either.

Oh!’ Jake blushed in embarrassment, he’s forgotten the question in his reminiscing.

Also, I think "he's" should be "he'd."

I didn't see any other mistakes, but what a fun chap!
Sweet Child chapter 6 . 2/7/2007
So far, the stories been really interesting. I love vampire stories, so I had to check this out. Also, I liked your idea for how vampires were created. It was original, not always the same about one curse or other.

As for your characters, I like Jake, he's cool. Isabella is also cool, most of the time, but she has her annoying moments. Kacie, on the other hand, I find to be ignorant. She is so arrogant... But I guess that, with Isabella's and Jake's help, that'll change over time.

Great story, I hope you'll update soon! )
puppymobile chapter 1 . 2/5/2007
i luv u! the book is so great! iluved the twist- spooky!loads o lyv! bex
Virage chapter 5 . 2/2/2007
I feel empathetic toward Kacie. Damn that Jake! He cheated! She'll get him next time just wait and see!

Nice chapter though, the initial setting was fun in the way everything was evenly described and laid out. The fight between both of them was pretty intense, but I got as confused as Kacie at how much of a cheater Jake was. Disappearing? Surviving Kacie's signature move? That's just not fair. But I bet Jake will be just as awesome later. I can't wait to find out what kind of person he is and how he was able to do all those things. And just maybe, he'll turn into Kacie's love interest.
x-kit-x chapter 4 . 1/15/2007
Oh I liked the twist :D It might just be me, but it wasn't predictable... Can't wait to see where this story takes us...
97 | « Prev Page 1 .. 3 4 5 6 7 Next »