|Reviews for The Adventures of Dremron and Company|
| Casey Drake chapter 3 . 12/26/2006
Allrighty... the plot seems sound, though a touch heavy on the RPG influence; I'd suggest a quick departure from those rules or this'll end up clichéd. That wouldn't be too bad if it was interesting enough, but that's tough to do. A good example of non-clichéd fantasy of this type is Celyn's 101 Uses for a Dead Catobleepas.
Also, I'd either cut down on the dialogue or add more action. Not "action" as in a fight, but think: how would these people move if they were speaking? Do they gesture while they speak, or do their hands hang motionless? Do they pace? Does Dremron tremble when a sword's against his throat?)... preferably the latter. Oh, and a little more description wouldn't go awry. What are the cultures of this world like? Are there certain things you can or can't do? What is the religion like? Are there other languages? What does the land look like? How does the government work, and is it working well or poorly? How does magic work-what are its effects on the user? You don't have to answer all of these questions, and certainly not all at once, but think about them as you write.
| Casey Drake chapter 2 . 12/26/2006
Let's see. You seem to know where to put the thees and thous and you conjugated "to have" right, but "That's a relief" seems a touch out of place. Otherwise, unless you want me to be annoyingly nitpicky, you've got an ok chapter.