|Reviews for Shattering moon|
| Ioga chapter 10 . 8/17/2011
Hi again. Haven't seen new stuff from you but I have a couple old ones saved so I used one now!
This was rather different from the other stuff I've read from you so far. I was kind of expecting to see Elira or Rupert to show supernatural powers or for her to snap and go on an axe-murder spree or something. But hey, I can live with this too. :)
One sort of major thing I noticed towards the end: In chapter 9, Kim speaks of "Des" as the person who helped her out, but in chapter 10, she's planning to show the apartment to "Nina" for comments. Aren't these both the person she's moving in with and has the hots for? Or did I miss something big? The timeskip and emotional-development-skip between chapters 9 and 10 was a bit long compared to the other things though, so it might be there was something we all missed there.
In terms of minor nitpicks, there were half a dozen misspellings that my memory claims will be spotted by a spellchecker for you (due to the time I'll skip listing them), and particularly in the beginning there's titles of songs and tv shows that should be capitalized - and scattered around somewhere later, there's some capitalizations of words like you started a new sentence in mid-sentence; they looked like symptoms of starting to restructure a sentence and forgetting to finish it by removing the old starter of the sentence. ;)
All in all it was cute and went down smoothly enough (given that it wasn't 100% my genre of story and had something to do with high schools, which are horrendously prevalent here, the demands were higher than average too). Thanks for this!
| invisible black sheep chapter 10 . 9/22/2009
Haha, so sorry I haven't reviewed until now, I was just so caught up in the story. It's really interesting! And you got me on my toes on what's going to happen next- is it going to be a mildly normalish day or is Rupert going to need to go to the hospital? Well, I can't wait for more!
| Justin Carlton chapter 1 . 6/12/2008
Hey - nice writing! I like how easily this flows, and you've got some great wordplay. The aura of this reminds me of Stephen King's "Carrie" - which isn't a bad thing at all.
Keep it up.
| Not Human chapter 8 . 6/12/2007
No apologies! It's always good to see this story in action. Bring more!
| Not Human chapter 7 . 4/16/2007
Stop apologizing! It was a good chapter. In my opinion, I think it would be hugely satisfying to write a passage in the next one where the air-headed receptionist gets in trouble and possibly fired. I would LOVE to read that, hah. Otherwise, I like it. I don't think anyone acted really out of character, and I promise not to take your medical advice. Hang in there with your personal problems; remember, your own wellness is more important than frequent updates )
| Not Human chapter 6 . 4/2/2007
Good to see you again! Really, late is okay, as long as it gets here! I loved the way this chapter allowed Rupert to see Elira in a different light, and to recognize that he doesn't really have any friends like her. I am especially fond of the description of her in the front hallway, her seeming fragile but finally at home. Lovely work, and I hope your home troubles pass soon.
| Not Human chapter 5 . 2/19/2007
Good chapter! Sorry to hear about your personal problems, and don't worry about lateness. This is good enough to wait for.
| Not Human chapter 4 . 1/27/2007
Sorry I'm late in reviewing and that I'm doing 3 in 1, but here goes: it's looking good. Interesting problem Elira has, with the seeing red and all. Just in general, these three chapters have been engaging and I'm looking forward to more.
| ind-fam chapter 4 . 1/9/2007
Who is Rupert fighting this time. Himself?
| ind-fam chapter 3 . 1/4/2007
is this is a one POV story or will you add Elira's POV. and I would like to get some sense of the boy. He is coming out to be a coward but I would like to know why. I mean the idea of your story is good but little more of why they act the way they act would work wonder.
| Not Human chapter 1 . 12/25/2006
I'm glad to see this isn't a one-shot. I was getting a little antsy by the end, I didn't see closure happening any time soon. I like Elira's fire, and I'm looking forward to reading more.