|Reviews for Twist of Fate|
| Nemonus chapter 7 . 9/8/2007
Why didn't Ellsun use time travel or opening a portal into Limbo when she was losing to Braedon before?
I'm glad Fable's back, but I don't like how quick Nick was to kill Mac...first of all, I need some reminding of who Mac is, and second, Nick's supposed to be the good guy, not the crazy rage one...
| Alex Actually chapter 7 . 8/28/2007
Gosh, that was quite a twist at the end there. I really liked that story ] Fable reminds me of Butler from Artemis Fowl actually. Thats who I imagined him as, haha.
| Nemonus chapter 6 . 8/26/2007
Of course Nick would begin to feel superhuman...not fearing death could lead him to do some stupid things though.
"An ambulance wrecked into the police car transporting Nick." I've never heard 'wrecked' used as a verb like this. 'Crashed' would work better I think.
Does Fable agree to help fight Braedon only because he admires Nick's bravery? That confuses me after the assassin's no-hold-barred deathwish for Nick.
| Nemonus chapter 5 . 8/25/2007
Quite good. The only critique I have is that the violence with spades and such is rather gory.
| Nemonus chapter 4 . 8/10/2007
In the very first few sentences I am confused; I assume that he is getting dressed in his bedroom, and the knock on the door is coming from the bedroom door. However, he goes into the kitchen to get a knife. Is the knock in fact on the front door?
Fable a servant of Fate. That's pretty cool.
"over skyline toward... " You also miss a 'the' elsewhere with "gazing at comet".
The action is a bit stiff untill the fight between Braedon and Ellesun; avoid using 'to be' verbs like in "He was high from a lack..."
The confrontation between the two spiritual beings came sooner than I thought it would. I like how you pace the two points of view, and though I've been away from this story for a time it's easy enough to pick up and begin to be carried away. Pretty good.
| Nemonus chapter 3 . 8/10/2007
Sorry that I never reviewed this chapter for some reason. Tis a pretty good one. The religious base is explained well, with realistic reactions from Nick.
| Nemonus chapter 2 . 1/1/2007
I think that in the convo with Mac the dialogue tags are too numerous-get rid of some somewhere, because they and the way the two characters repeated eachother's names themselves made the scene feel, in terms of prose and atmosphere, crowded.
Oh great, he died again. :/ Again I am enjoying the suspence and strangeness of this chapter. Your prose is generaly fine.
This " Your problem is that you're alone all the time, maybe if you collect some witnesses the murderer will back off." needs a semicolon where you have placed a comma.
Continually a good ride of a fic.
| Nemonus chapter 1 . 12/25/2006
Nice. I like your original concepts; the living amulet with personality, the unknown powerful being, the casual information that the murder wasn't accidental. The beginning ("It began with a sharp splash of pain. Then it rippled through his body and engulfed his whole being. He rocked forward...") has a wonderful momentum to it that takes skill with words. So, good. Very rarely did I find some punctuation problem that is probably the result of typing. I'm interested in how you continue this.