|Reviews for Dark Eyes and French Fries|
| breakthehabit chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
Liked it, but a bit too long. :P
| Affair chapter 1 . 6/13/2011
Lol twincest :) sorry can't think straight today, but I liked this story :)
| Anonymous Freak chapter 1 . 4/1/2008
Heh...snort...heh heh...I'm high on ur stories. I'm in luv with u! wanna have an orgy? lol. tank u 4 writing it. And yes, plz continue and give me worthy mention in the next chapter coz I luv u and...heh heh...i am eating ur sexy stories up! ;) (I'm still high on them)
| Elodie Wolfe chapter 1 . 2/9/2008
OMFG i SO did NOT see that ending coming
i know it's a oneshot and i rarely ask but please more?
cant wait for it if you do make another part
| Always Pencil chapter 1 . 1/24/2008
The title is what got me. I loved this story. You should write one about me...
| Initial Death chapter 1 . 10/27/2007
Read the story. Nice, though the angst got to be a bit much.
Little note though that there's no real need to put anything down as "interracial".
| WickedLoveChild chapter 1 . 10/18/2007
So first off I would like to say that your idea here is pretty cool. The whole twin sister dynamic is awsome. Your characters definitely have potential. Your attempt to portray lesbians in a different way is admirable, but I really have to agree with...oh, I forgot her name! The October girl!
She made a really good point about Lilly. Lilly's cool, dude! And I'm so sad that she seems to lose a part of her sister at the end. What has she done that is so wrong, so damaging that it's unforgiveable? I think you should develop that part a little more. You make the twins close, best friends even, but it's almost like you destroy them at the end. All she was doing, it seemed, was asking questions. And those questions would have been answered calmly if the the sister and her girlfriend weren't bent on being defensive all of the time.
That's what it seemed like! Ashely and Lucita were way too defensive, especially towards the Lilly, who for all intents and purposes, accepted her sister. Sure, she screams "I'm not fucking queer" but the other girls pushed her. Like I said, the couple is way too defensive and loud about their relationship to really be okay with it. And what Lucita does to Lilly is quite...harsh. And in reality, I don't think the other twin would have stood for that.
My point here is that perhaps Lilly isn't as bad as she's made out to be. And maybe Ashley and Lucita are not as victimized as they're made out to be. Great story, definitely, but needs tweaks.
| hot-caues-your-not chapter 1 . 7/5/2007
I love it!
| K. Silence chapter 1 . 6/14/2007
golly gee, you sure do love lesbians. but that's okay. so do i. in a totally gay kind of way. i got you figured out. it's too brutal to put here. those chicks are total chicks. they sure talk a lot. i'll slip you that five later.
| Your Different October chapter 1 . 3/20/2007
It was... interesting.
Let's see, the way you write things sometimes (in this, anyway) can be a bit confusing.
From the door Ashley let her sexuality filter the air. She held no qualms to the blind prejudices and misguided views. Ashley wasn’t unique; she dressed a reflection of a common virtue, if only understood by a similarly eccentric creature.
I don't know why that's slightly confusing. I think it's this weird sort of backward writing that a lot of people seem to have. This probably wasn't the best example of it, but... It's some kind of weird switch in the verb or adjective placement, and obviously it's really fucking hard to describe.
Anyway. I like your characters; they're interesting, though a bit underdeveloped in places. Oddly enough, I found myself liking Lilly most out of all of them. Which, by the ending, I'm guessing wasn't necessarily your goal.
For whatever reason, whatever honesty initially showed through in Lucita and Ashley seemed to fade into some sort of cliche lesbians-as-sex-objects type of thing. I don't know why; perhaps it was the overtly sexual nature of most of their dialogue. Granted, a lot of people are like that, but in this it seemed a bit much.
Now, here's why I like Lilly (and why I don't): She's exceedingly honest, and doesn't always have that brain-to-mouth filter that we like to call 'tact'. I enjoy how she says the wrong thing, but I don't necessarily like that she would always apologize for it and immediately understand what she had done wrong. Believe me, I am usually lacking in that same brain-to-mouth filter, and I don't always realize when I've put my foot in my mouth, so to speak. Just saying.
The ending is extremely confusing, and I'm still filtering it through my brain. I got the initial impression that Lilly had done something irrevocable and wrong, but there seemed to be no point at which the joke turned into something unfunny. I understand how the "I'm not fucking queer" comment might've disturbed Lucita and especially Ashley. But both of them seem to come to a consensus after that, that Lilly is no longer worth their time. THAT is essentially what vexes me about the ending.
It seems like Lilly kind of gets left in the dust without any explanation. You write: "Ashley shook her head at her sister's true nature", and yet you never really identify just what that nature is.
I'm not trying to flame you; I honestly like this idea for a story, and a majority of what you've written. I just think the areas I've mentioned need improvement and consideration. That is, if you plan on editing it at all.
Either way, I still think it's interesting. :D
| Tarra chapter 1 . 2/12/2007
I couldn't stop reading the story till i reached the end. If you continued writing this i would definately read it,
i loved the story well written and easy to relate to.
| Rae D. Magdon chapter 1 . 2/2/2007
Heya, Knightmare. I liked this oneshot! The idea was interesting. Even though it seems to be a popular porn topic, twins aren't really written about as often as you'd expect. I liked the characters and such as well. _ Overall, the story made me happy!
As was mentioned in another review, there are a few comma errors, but I know how hard it is to actually go back and fix 'em. I hate editing. Aside from that, the ending was slightly confusing to me. What -exactly- happened? I know I'm probably just being stupid, but the last few paragraphs are a bit fast-paced and disorienting.
Aside from that, you do a great job of showing and not telling most of the time, and I'm looking forward to more updates!
| Windthor chapter 1 . 1/28/2007
This is an awesome story, mate. Don't stop writing.
| gnomeworshipper13 chapter 1 . 1/27/2007
i love it...really long but worth reading. if you would continue it, that would be awesome...
| Chasmodai Blue chapter 1 . 1/23/2007
I so love this story...it's t3h AWESOME! One of my best friend's name is Lilly, and oddly, I could see this happening to her. Maybe that's why I love this story so much.
That, and it's written brilliantly. Mostly that part. BRILLIANTLY.