uuurrghh. I kinda don't want him to end up with Ashton.. H pisses me off a bit. I like trent though.

are you going to edit the story? If you edit the story this could turn out to be a really good piece. the plot needs improvement... there wasn't much of a closure to his relationships. there should have been a closure with Cole's sex friends and Trent. I mean it left me hanging with a 'what the fuck'... personally i hate pedophiles, but hey... if you want them to be 'human' then so be it...it's your story... i just notice that the story doesn't really revolve on romance but more on how teenagers let their libidos get the better of them. No real love either. Just obsession and lust. The characters *like Rachel and Vincent* were a little...well not really a little, i'd say too... nutz. Do some people really talk that way? co'z I've never really met one. Anyways...i love the how this made me laugh so much... I love it but also hate it *co'z you know the pedophilia. The guy should have gone to jail* The cursing too, should be minimize. Co'z it's hurting my brain to keep reading the same fucking cusses over and over fucking over again.

I just have to add by the way...OH MY FUCKING GAWD! YOU WERE FUCKING 14 WHEN YOU WROTE THIS! I WAS STILL INNOCENT WHEN I WAS 14! HELL, I'VE ONLY LEARNED ABOUT HOW TWO GUYS DO IT WHEN I WAS ALREADY 16 AND GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL! the world has gone mad!...

Type your review for this chapter here...

Firstly im loving your story. Secondly i have a problem with american writers saying AIDS started in AFrica when research shows that it started in some american prison and whoever had it there moved to africa hense the first people to be diagnised with it are african and they werent even from south africa.

Not possible. At all. I mean, THIS written by a 14-years-old? Are you fucking kidding me? I know you cringe when you reread, but for a unknown reader, an anonymous girl on fictionpress who's discovering your story for the first time : this is fucking hilarious.
I realized we are the same age (unless you lied, again, about it :P) and that I would have NEVER (like NEVER) been able to write something like that. This is so smart, so well written. I know what you think, but, hell, yeah, Rimbaud wasn't in love with himself. He kind of hated everyone AND his books. Okay, he acted like he was arrogant and full of himself, but I'm sure that inside... no wait, I don't have any clue about Rimbaud, why am I even talking about him ? Maybe because I'm French. I always have to quote fucking French writers. But, the point is, that Rimbaud was between 14 and 18 when he wrote all of his stuff. After that, he couldn't do it anymore. But during this 4 years, he was like God. He was so talented. So, you're kind of a Rimbaud of our time. Even if you're a girl. And American or whatever. And that you wrote about same sex relationship.
... XD Ok. So I know you think I'm crazy, but just read again your story and you'll understand that you are (or you were) too.
I know that we all evolve, and grow up, and get smarter -clever- better and everything which ended by "er". BUT you cannot dislike your story. It's fun, it makes people smile, laugh, happy. And even if you think "OMG I was so stupid at that time and WHAT IS THIS WRITING?" you should remain yourself that people love it. And I mean, I'm not stupid. I'm not a teenager who just think about sex, or who loves mary sue stories, who dreams about prince charming, and so on. No. I'm a serious student lawyer (hein hein, that's a good joke), I'm almost 21, and I usually hate first character story. I think it's bad. and I do hate a lot when there is no gramma. And I'm a pretty bad ass when it's about being sarcastic. It's my way of life. My friends can't follow me anymore, it's killing me, but I can't stop. that's painful. Really. But after two chapters, I already loved Cole, I loved him during this 31 chapters, he made me laugh so hard which is really rare when I'm reading. But the fact that you depreciate this, it makes me think I'm stupid to love it. Does that make sense? I'm like "wow the writer herself doesn't like it, why am I stuck to it as my life was depending on this?" So yeah. Maybe you were 14. Maybe you're not the same girl anymore (I hope for you :P) but with this story, you made the day of 922 persons (at least) and that's pretty awesome.
OK. I'm gonna stop here. First because I have my fucking (wow, I said this word a lot, I'm so sorry) notes to study. And Also because I'm annoying you, and I'm note sure you still come on fictionpress. And this is too long, as always. If you have to remember one thing, just remember that I do love it. A lot. I mean, of course it's not perfect. Maybe you have too much characters on it, and too much strong personalities, like crazy ones, so sometimes it's hard to follow. Too much screaming. Sometimes, it's messy. But this is part of a story, too. Like it was your first story, of course it's not perfect. It's not what reader are looking for. We're looking for a great love story, for fun, for originality. And you gave us that without any doubt. I’m grateful you posted it, and finished it. Thanks for your good job !
Staphy.

Greetings, Fetus. You probably never open you account anymore but I think I'll just leave a review or two here. I read your story for the first time when I was 15 or 16, when I was a pretty heavy fictionpress reader. I really liked it back then. But being a shy non-native English speaker teenager that I was, I never wrote any review to your stories. or others. ha ha. yeah well. all in all i was really bored at work and decided to go to fictionpress. you know, reliving old days and stuff, and then I found The Cole Turns To Ash and I think to myself, wow this sounds familiar and guess what it is!
God I really miss this - more than for the stories. Because this is one many things that represent my teenage years, you know, the gold old days when everything was so simple but was made to be difficult by my overdramatic bitch self. Anyway, thank you for the stories. Now that I've grown up and better in english I noticed grammar errors and misspelling every now and then, even the plots now seems ridiculous - hey, no offense. I know this was just for shit and giggles, not Pulitzer. Anyway to sum up, your story's awesome. Sequel will be very, oh so very, welcomed.
Kidding. write it pleaseee.
Love,
Tita

Finally I have finished! I love Cole! and Vincent! I swear I use so many Cole-ee and Vincent-ee quotes like everyday! ...

naked penguin fetus! (don't you have some kind of nickname for that?) i loved your story! it'a absolutely fantastic, made me laugh and say what the fuck?! at least 10 times every chapter! ok, getting a little bit serious again: the characters you build are wonderful! Cole is just such a strange kid, but you can't stop loving him! just so funny every time he says something like "so i just went away, slamed the door and like sulk...ish...ed...ness.. well, yeah. Whatever. You know, like the you kind of.. Fuck. Never mind. Tide goes in, tide comes out." haha it's just like WTF? loved it. i like the way he just does not make everything a big deal, you know, when it just gets so drammatic you wanna shut down your computer and throw it out the window.. lucky i live at ground level, so there's not much damage... well, anyway, it was really a very good story, i never knew what was comming next, it's kind of impossible to predict what your wiked mind is going to come up with, so i gave up around chapter 7 and just kept on reading non stop till the end, totaly worth it may i say! i was getting bored with the usual stories of fictionpress and fanfiction, so yours was a life saving story! hmmm... well i'm not sure if you actually care about it, but i'd like to give you a constructive criticism (not like the one of Rachizzle, so don't just skip it): at the beguinning the story had just the perfect balance of your random writing and the actual story line (or plot, eanglish is not my first language as you might have noticed) you were folowing, but kind of at the middle, it was really so much random stuff i kind of got lost, like i just couldn't understand if what was happening had actually some importance in the whole story plot or was it just stuff of no meaning.. Cole was also weirder than before, rambling way too much on some occasions. still fun though, so if you don't care your stories might have too many "what the fuck?!" parts, then it's ok, don't mind me and just keep writing as you wish! in the end the balance got back on track, so i am a satisfied reader. well, that's kind of all i wanted to say, so thanks for writing the story and now i'll just go to your profile and see what else can i read.. if you want to answere i actualy have an account on as kabeli, or mail me at tefi_mod hot :) take care!

just like i thought
!
I LOVE THIS FUCKING STORY !

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i have only read one chapter and i already LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT :P this story is just fucking amazing, i wonder how you came bye that character ... and i know my english is worthless like shit but i don't care :P
Cole is just like me, wel sort of, i tink :P
But i'm talking nonsess again :D X3 i Just love this chapter and i will probably love the whole story but that i will not find out untill the end

Really w

I'm just like dude can you stop sleeping with everybody jesus

Tamagachis can talk?!

Okay firstly I would like to say is that I fucking love you. You are the Marsha to My Sarah! The Ash to my Coal 3
I know you finished this story in 2009 or some shit but omg this story is fuxking amazing and its so funny! I just love how Cole just babbles on about random shit! He's such a slut -_- I FEEL SO SORRY FOR TRENT, I love him so much o.o and Ashton is just mehh.
But omg Afsjdkdldksjs. I love you o.o
And this is the end of my fangirling _
Absolutely fucking fantastic story mate xx

This story was ... Good. It's wasn't the best, nor the worst.

1. You didn't really express Coles feelings about anyone, other then Rachel.
Whenever Cole was getting fucked you made it seem like Trent and Ashton never existed.

2. The random Yelling and swearing is soooo much! There is a line of how much you should make characters yell and swear. You went over that line, I had to skip at least 10-20 paragraphs of them talking.

3. I really liked the beginning of the story, the story line was good, then it just went... Bleh. You never te much about Cole getting shot, like I state before his feelings towards others. You should probably work on that!

I know that its fun to just write in your own words and such, btw. Great sexy-times in there! But just tone it down a bit on swearing and the yelling and complete randomness.