|Reviews for When I think about you|
| improvisationallychallenged chapter 2 . 3/4/2009
I know this says review for chapter 2, but it's really for the story so far as a whole (yes...I'm a rebel :p)
The first chapter is lovely. The prose is subtle and flows nicely, give or take the odd typo (“Nothing will being" Nothing will begin?") and the dialogue/chemistry between Sal and...is it Mei? I'm not sure you use that character's name in the first chapter has a good, strong dynamic to it that makes you want to keep reading.
Chapter two...the content's still good...I just don't really have much clue what's happening.
I understood it was referring to a flashback, and that it's going into detail on the relationship (or rather, the one that wasn't) mentioned in the last chapter, but there seems to be a few links missing - it's a bit dialogue heavy, which, while it works lacks the lovely quality chapter 1 had, but the biggest jar is the change from 3rd person to 1st person...
As individual entity's, they work, put together, it's a bit confusing. But...still an enjoyable read. Wish there had been more.
| The Postscript chapter 4 . 8/22/2007
Wow. I like the depth of this, especially closer to the end. You do a great job of developing character and imagery in a short time. Awesome write - keep it up, k.
| An Inside Joke chapter 1 . 1/13/2007
You established your charecters very well, although Sal's freak-out thing seemed to come out of nowhere. Maybe you could have had the narrator be uncertain about buying something right before or something like that to set her off.
| The Postscript chapter 3 . 1/11/2007
Great chapter. The beginning part reminds me of a quote somewhere, that a person can feel good about themselves for a long time on a single compliment or act of kindness they recieved. Keep writing, k.
| boo chapter 3 . 1/8/2007
u know out of all that happened between u and S i didnt think u were gonna pick this one to write about. lol when i read the first few lines i thought it was about the time u fell, but then i saw "ami"
| boo chapter 1 . 1/8/2007
| His Mercy's Waiting chapter 2 . 1/7/2007
I have to say, I really like the title. The story has real potential, especially in the open way you introduce the characters to your audience. The only thing that bothered me was reading that whole italicized segment, but it's not your fault. Keep writing!
| Aquafied chapter 2 . 1/7/2007
seems like that innocent silly a child has
| The Postscript chapter 2 . 1/7/2007
Good second chapter. I know there have been countless of times friends have pointed out what I don't see myself. Beautiful end, especially "As time goes by, it will always be enough". Wonderful work. Keep writing, k.
| Aquafied chapter 1 . 1/4/2007
but my christmas spirit died
| The Postscript chapter 1 . 1/2/2007
The line the other reviewer mentioned I also found a little awkward - but at the same time with an element of deep comfort to me. Perhaps it is correct and I am simply not farmiliar with the order you chose to put it in. Interesting write. You certainly leave it open to all sorts of different ideas with how vauge it is - almost as if there is an idea you have that you are not sharing with the reader in this piece. Intriguing. Keep writing, k.
| akb-inactive chapter 1 . 12/27/2006
At first I thought the one with Sal was a guy, but in the end when I read Sal said the word "him", I thought, the person with Sal is a girl after all?
I liked how it ended though. “Nothing will being, nothing has begun before, so why will it now?”
Hmm, I like the line, but doesn't it seem a bit grammatically incorrect? Oh, I won't be the best person anyway. I suck at grammar.
Great piece. Happy Holidays!