|Reviews for The Reality Of Perfection: Oneshot|
| Keenon chapter 1 . 9/10/2007
That was pretty awsome. I don't know if it's just me, but i kinda found the ending a bit funny. Maybe I'm just having a crazy moment though. i'm known for these. anyhoo, good job, i loved it!
| Lady DreamWriter chapter 1 . 8/28/2007
I enjoyed this story, even though I think that Bridget went to extremes by killing her husband, I nonetheless that that David got exactly what he deserved for cheating on his wife. I think at some point, everyone has ever been cheated on has this kind of fantasy revenge. Again, the detail in this was wonderful. Even in this short piece, you can tell that Bridget was the dominant partner in this relationship. Whatever she says, David had had no choice but to go along with it. This dynamic makes me wonder if Lilly made David feel as though he was the one in charge than the other way around.
This is a great story, and I really hope that you will consider writing a second chapter! I think that it would be very interesting to see what ‘the other woman’ has to say.
Member of Reviewers_Found
| jj37362 chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
Oh my god! I really didn't see that one coming. I suspected that he was cheating on her...but did she have to kill him? Again, nice delivery. You use the element of surprise very well in your witing. One thing though, when you said 'daring' did you mean 'darling'? And why was david walking around with a black suitcase? Was that supposed to be a briefcase? Anyway, that's all from me.
| Jacide chapter 1 . 8/19/2007
Wow, that was unexpected. Really. I thought you're going to make them make-up or something. I really like your writing style, the description's not so flowery, but enough to give us this giddy feelings after we've finished the story.
There are some sentences that are hard to read, though. Like 'His wife really didn’t poison him it was all a big joke and I funny one at that' and 'Six mouths and four days ago he had met a young blonde by the name of Lily Madison at his office' (shouldn't it be months?)
| The Ferrett chapter 1 . 8/19/2007
Ouch. The nasty nasty man got the flick - literally.
Hehe, great build up and delivery. ::))
| Mad for Figs chapter 1 . 5/21/2007
Whoa, the plot twist was freaking amazing. I thought I was getting a hint at something when you said "David ran a hand through his long brown hair as he turned the corner down the street, not wanting to make a visit to a certain someone." I already thought something was going to happen then; I just wasn't sure what.
You made one pretty obvious typo, "six mouths" instead of six months. But I'm sure someone else has obviously pointed that out already.
Anyway, this one shot was purely skill. It was very well-written; and everything was just perfect. Well, to me at least.
Keep up the most excellent writing. I'm loving it. :D
| Queen Anabella chapter 1 . 5/18/2007
Hey, sorry for the late review. I've just been busy lately with tests, school, and all that jazz.
I thought that the concept of the story was good, but it could have been better executed. I think the main fault is that the characters were not properly cut out. We know Bridget is the femme fatale, but who is David? Remember, it's the characters that make a story interesting, especially a story like this.
However, the ending was excellent. And keep writing!
-Queen Anabella from Reviewers_found
| angels and effects chapter 1 . 5/17/2007
Meant to review earlier but got held up, sorry... anyway, I think this one-shot's quite similar to the other one. Not totally, of course, but it's more or less concentrated on the fact that the husband did something wrong and the wife killed him, only in this, Bridget didn't kill herself.
What I like about this is that I totally never expected that David was hiding something - I was like 'whoa!' Your twists are always interesting and I like it. :) If anything, the way Bridget took vengeance on David is kind of sadistic... I never did like the idea of killing people just like that. David's right - she's an adult, after all. Perhaps you could have built up a tenser climax, to make it more dramatic. It does say 'Suspense' in the sub-category, but a little more suspense would do the trick! Can't go wrong making your readers' breath hitch in their throat and continue reading! :)
Once again, still some grammatical errors and typos. Like 'Her breath speed up as she did this' should be 'Her breath sped up'. The improper use of commas kind of splits the entire story up and doesn't make it flow as well as it should. There's a tad bit of awkwardness in the expressing of what you want to write, like in this part:
As he opened the door a new Bridget sat before him. One that was happy and joyful.
It just sounds kind of off and not really professional. I read in your profile that you're only 14 this year, though, so I can't expect too much, of course (I'm only 2 years older, after all, and my writing when I was 14 was blah too). Spice up your sentences a little (happy and joyful kind of mean the same thing) with some adjectives, like:
As David opened the door to the passenger seat, Bridget, noticeably more cheerful and enthusiastic, slid into the driver's seat next to him.
The thing with Lily (kind of cracked me up, because my English teacher's first name is Lily and imagining her in an affair is just... extremely amusing) was, of course, quite intriguing. So what's going to happen to her? Is Bridget going to push her down a mountain too? (By the way, very creative way of killing someone; makes a better twist than drowning him or something) It'd be so cool if you could write something about that, haha :D The ending was mysterious enough though, makes us wonder what happened in the end.
That's about all then... hope that helped! :)
| C.F. Anne chapter 1 . 5/13/2007
Sad, and another depressing story. So THAT"s why she was nervous. I just have one question: Why was she "dead wrong" about the fact that no one would find out about the murder. Anyway, great short story.
| Bomee chapter 1 . 5/13/2007
woah can we say psycho? never mess with a woman! bwahah, aweseomely written meghan! reviewing you from reviewers-found- and i really enjoyed this, the twist is freaky cool! :)
| President chapter 1 . 5/9/2007
Hahahaha! Funny!:P I really can't understand why you don't much reviews though, cause this really is an interesting and funny story. I'm sorry I can't help.
Well actually, it is possible that your use of 3rd person made people uninterested upon their first glance at it. Oh well, that's all I can conclude.
-Avius from Reviewers_Found
| Faith Adeline chapter 1 . 12/28/2006
wow. . . So, someone found out? lol. I liked it, good twist too. Keep it up :)