Ohh, BenAsher's gonna be like THAT is he?

I suspect Tristan's gonna do something kickass and tick BenAsher off - regardless of the results it got. Go Tristan!

Dood - almost seems like someone wanted Tristian out of the way, what with all his ship malfunctions on first launch.

Although, his interactions with Maes is rather amusing!

Tristian is AWESOME!

He gets a cookie!

Huh! Pretty awesome start!

I like how you managed to get all that background information in without dragging down the flow of the chapter. Good work!

The funny thing about space.. is that you can make ships look like anything you want - such as the U.S.S TOASTER! Interesting ship design, I liked how you described it.

Hi, EnderWinner. I like the look of this story so far. Here's a few thoughts about chapter 1.

"He adjusted the black hat on his head"

Seems a bit redundent, where else would his hat be when he's adjusting it? If it's not on his head that's worth telling us, but since hats are usually on heads you needn't specify.

This bit seemed a bit odd to me.

"Angsten gave him a smile without looking at him, and he smiled back slightly. While it was almost imperceptible, Tristan noted that the Lieutenant’s face shifted from a look of shock back to stoic when he smiled in reply."

If she doesn't look at him how does she know she giving him a smile and not just smiling generally? And how does she see his smile in reply?

A bit of an info dump about Tristan's past. It think I'd like to see it come out more gradually. Like when he stops thinking at "but she..." I like that.

"They were quite prepared when the Claxar struck again a few years previously."

Previously sounds weird there. I know you mean a few years before the present time of the story, but you've already established that the Claxar war is a few years prior to this, so that sentenece above could be:

"They were quite prepared when the Claxar struck again a few years later." or simply "when the Claxar struck again."

I'm mildly dubious of "cat-people", they seem kind of a cliche, but I'll wait and see how you handle them.

There's some Star Trek terms in there. Runabouts. Gamma Quadrant. As a Trekkie I find them a tad distracting.

I liked his disappointment with what the Forest Knight looks like, a nice twist on the usual.

An interesting start. I'm interested in Tristan and want to see just how he's going to upset everyone with his unconventional ways.

Thanks for the mention in your profile, and I'm glad you're not afraid to edit your story. Some authors get a little bit fidgity at the prospect of redoing something they already went through the trouble of writing. However, as this is a first draft, I wouldn't worry about fixing it right away. Just focus on getting the story out. I've seen more than a few stories stall due to premature editing, and I'd hate to see it happen to this one.

On an unrelated note, I'd like to say that my reviewing might be getting a little bit sporadic soon. Between school and job, I'm not sure I'll be able to pay as much attention to the fictionpress community as I was paying before. So, if you put up another chapter while I'm busy, please send me a message. I'll review it when I get a chance.

And, speaking of which, here's my review for chapter 4.

1)"Why couldn’t they make the hats fit his head?" It's little details that help build atmosphere. Enduring the stony silence of the lieutenant is uncomfortable, sure. But enduring the stony silence in the confines of a poorly-sized cap, that really enforces the mood.

2)"but it suited the backwater system." I like the idea of space as just another ocean. It's just much bigger, and sailed by sturdier ships.

3)"Ladies and gentlemen, these lights indicate" The 'ladies and gentlemen' bit feels just a touch informal. You could remove it, if you wanted to, without any damage to the rest of the sentence.

4)"As you have probably guessed, this isn’t the work of normal pirates." This feels a little redundant, especially right after Tristan's thought. I think you could also cut this without changing the rest of BenAsher's briefing.

5)"were all attacked from extreme ranged missile salvoes" Either 'by extreme ranged missile salvoes' or 'from extreme range with missile salvoes'. I'm being nitpicky, I know.

6) "star nation" Firstly, I like that you said 'nation' instead of 'race'. No race acts as a unified whole all the time (well, barring hive species, probably), so it makes sense that there would be different nations within each civilization. However, 'star nation' feels a little cliche. Maybe it's because there's a lot of otherwise decent words that have been made 'more sci-fi' by adding 'star' and 'space'. Not a huge critique here, 'cause 'star nation' isn't a bad name for what it describes, but I thought I'd mention it all the same.

7)"Yes Estelle" comma after 'yes'.

8)"The designers built in a flaw that requires any ammunition transfers to take place from the mass driver loading stations." I'm kinda curious about why that is. Maybe you could mention it later?

9) I like the tactical conference. It strengthens the 'sci' part of the story, giving the reader a little bit of logic to follow. I look forward to reading more, whenever it's posted.

The plot thickens... I like the tensions between Tristan and Asher. It looks like coyote has got grammar and spelling covered, so I won't go over that. No big problems, so I haven't got much to say, except: good work, keep it up.

Exciting chapter. I really liked the idea to divert the electromagnetic energy of the launcher into the kinetic energy of the fighter. Smart! One that I didn't like: Maelys breaks down and buries her face in Tristan's chest. First, it seemed really unprofessional, especially after you'd just established Maelys as an experienced and competent Wing Commander. Second, right afterwards, Tristan notes that "Maelys had handled the crisis well." But she doesn't, really, does she? She hyperventilates and freaks out. True, she managed to pull through, but she wasn't exactly stoic. I just don't think this part is exactly necessary. Finally, Smoky and Kid are endearing fighter pilots... I hope to see more of them.

Good chapter! You really picked up the ball and jumped into action-the last chapter was mostly introductions. One thing that I don't like is that Tristan keeps mentioning that he isn't a conventional captain. Show it, don't tell. Or have his reputation precede him, and have a subordinate mention it to someone else. I like Maelys though; cool name. I like the depth of the imagination on all the technology. The way you talk about the fighters or the Forest Knight sounds like you're an expert on military classifications and tactics and all that. It sounds really cool, and adds to the realism of the story. I really like that. Keep it up.

Thanks for the reviews. I've been a little bit late in getting to this one, but here you are.

1) Firstly, best chapter title ever. It's almost Shakesperean, evoking 'slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune'. I approve. A lot.

2)"Give her a hand, if you can manage Lieutenant" I think there should be a comma after 'manage'.

3)"Ah, Wing commander" If 'Wing' is in caps, 'commander' probably should be, too.

4)"pontificating oaf of a captain" Nice.

5)"They may not be able to fight well, but they could outrun nearly anything in the Gamma Quadrant." 'may not have been' would keep it in past tense.

6)"If this start looking bad," 'starts'

7)"You’ll be fine ensign." Comma after 'fine'.

8)"You should have picked a callsign before signing onto this ship," I always thought callsigns were earned from fellow pilots, not chosen. Sorta like nicknames.

9) "Maelys tensed when he called the fighter bay ‘his’. Now wait a damn minute . . " I kinda like the little tensions between their characters.

10)"If he raises the fighter’s energy shields, in theory he should be ok" Uh-oh. Shielding tech. I dunno how hard-science this story is, but sheilds are a difficult thing to explain in most of the universes they're used in. They're cool, granted, but they sometimes difficult to justify. Unless you avoid explaining why they work. Which, frankly, is what I'd do. Either that or make up tech.

11) "I will sir" comma after 'will'.

12)"Maelys let out a slight cry and buried her face in Tristan’s chest. Unconsciously, he wrapped his arms around her." This feels a little bit too soon in their romance. After all, Maes hasn't really adjusted to him yet. I understand this is a moment of stress, so she might act a little bit differently than normal, but it still feels a little bit too much. Maybe she might hide her face in her hands?

13) In any event, good chapter. I like that the Forest Knight isn't some invincible juggernaut. It's going to take a while to return to operating efficiency. Keep writing.

I do wonder what this mystery ship is...aliens? pirate ambush? I must know!

Okay, so fictionpress seems to have eaten your review for "I Do Believe in Faeries". I think. Provided that you did actually review it, and I'm not just getting confused. Anyways, here's another review.

1)"This was decidedly turning out to be a disappointment filled day when it came to first impressions." The 'decidedly' feels like it's throwing things off a little bit. Maybe just 'this was turning out to be a dissapointment'?

2)“One moment, Camille. I’m ogling.” Heh. Excellent line. It's an amusing mix of formal and informal.

3)"It would gather that there are deployment orders in this folder" 'I would gather'

4)"As of now, 1300 hours, I will be formally taking command of this vessel, and start doing whatever captain-y things are required." That's a little bit odd. It makes sense, though. He's a lot more human than most military officers, but I figured he might be a bit formal after serving as a fighter pilot. I guess not.

5)"For an instant, the Forest Knight and her crew ceased to exist. An instant later she reappeared several hundred light years from New Brussels. And into chaos." Nice transition.

6)"Several technicians were clustered around the Wyvern that had been cast the retaining wall between it’s bay and the bay of another fighter." I think you're missing an 'against' after 'cast'.

7)"and started passing out the bulky devises." 'devices'. You have the present tense for the verb 'devise', there.

8)“A Saberclaw?” That's...well, I won't critique your ship naming too much. This one feels almost cliche, though. Naming a fighter for a feline race 'the saberclaw' is vaguely like naming a human fighter 'the manfist'. It's almost overdone. In my experience, a lot of good military naming comes from either abstract concepts, generals, or animals. For example: Retribution, Lee, Orca. However, if the humans were the ones that called it 'the saberclaw' and the Claxar have a different name for it, what you have works.

9)The flashback in the lift is a nice detail.

10)I look forward to reading more. Your story is picking up in pace almost exponentially.

Here's a review.

1)"It wasn’t necessarily his fault, or so he told himself. He had grown accustomed to commanding himself and others from the cockpit and flight deck." Already, you've given your main character a bit of a flaw. Cool.

2) This strikes me-just a little bit-as a conventional sci-fi/fantasy epic. I don't see that as a bad thing, but there are a lot of elements common to the genre in your story. I look forward to seeing how you work with them.

3)"Even the massive fleet carriers had the basic ‘submarine’ look to them," That's cool. Definitely not the snazzy, angular look that a lot of sci-fi ships are favoring. Simple is usually good when it comes to vehicle design.

4) While the opening chapter isn't a reach-out-and-grab-you-by-the-shirt intro, it is a solid beginning. There's world building and character developement that an action sequence would've missed. Overall, I'd have to say this puts me a little in mind of "Wing Commander" and "Babylon 5". Again, not a bad thing. I enjoyed the games and series, respectively.

*phew* that was a close one for Smoky there, I must say. I was sure he was going to blow into pieces!

*gasp*, the captain left THE BRIDGE! *outcry*, *shock* and *monocle*

I like this story. I kind of wanted to bop Tristan on the head when he called himself a dolt for starting to like Ambrose.

Good job on the new story. I think you've created a character that people will be able to get into. I also like how you gave hints about Tristan's past as well.