|Reviews for Trapped In Mistakes|
| Saikai chapter 1 . 12/29/2006
Okay I have lot's of editing here. First of all, it annoyed me to see everyone's name all over here. Replace them with he/she. It makes the story much better!
You also put an "s" instead of a "d" in "died in the bathtub..."
I think "bathtub" is one word, as well.
I would not center this whole story!
Were you supposed to capitalize the "l" in "Look I don't..."
When you said "L/look I don't..." you need a comma after "Look..."
I put "..." because I don't want to rewrite your story...just thought I'd let you know.
I am not trying to be harsh...I am just a critic, and I like editing.
When you said, Kariah only hung out... you should not use the words "hung out" because in the dictionary, it means to hang something, or to dangle. Use "spent time with" because it makes it more professional, but you don't need to change it if you don't want to.
You have a long way to go, sorry if I offended you a bit...Just don't send me a hate note. Sorry if I am wasting your review space...Continue writing this, it is pretty good so far (excluding the grammar)!