|Reviews for Hush little babystory of a five year old girl|
| Frostany chapter 2 . 11/22/2007
This was a really interesting story, I liked the revision better then the first chapter where the spacing was a little odd.
I thought you were really on target with the way a schizophrenic has a problem with loose association so that everything makes sense to the schizophrenic, but to an outsider it sounds like they're rambling on about unrealated subjects.
The only thing I would say I didn't like in this story was the way the character stabs her father. It's a common misconeption that schizophrenics are violent toward others, they're usually more at risk of hurting themselves, but you're story was great. I loved it. You're a powerful and strong writer
| givelifeyurall chapter 2 . 4/19/2007
hauntingly good. it seemed a little bit boring in the beginning, but i had to read this, my mother has schizophrenia and she burned my hands when i was little, so i can relate to this story a lot, from how my mother could of felt.
| holadios chapter 1 . 2/2/2007
I like the way you captured this. It was very good! Keep writing!
| BetaMaster chapter 2 . 1/17/2007
That was pretty well-written. I liked it!
I think that the lack of real spacing between lines isn't so much the author's fault, as it is a fault of FictionPress's conversion of Word documents to the HTML. It's annoying, I have to go into the integrated text editor and manually add extra line breaks between every line. Also, it removes indentation (using tab, or spaces - I've tried both).
Or maybe the author intended it to be like that. I'm not sure. I was just offering a possible explanation!
| Royal Bliss chapter 1 . 1/16/2007
Pretty intense story. Just one or two things. Schizophrenia symptoms don't start showing until mid or late teens, so the:
"I was five when it all started.
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia,"
Is way off.
And as for the:
"A lot of the time Schizophrenia patients' actions are very immoral"
that's not true. Most of the time their actions just seem off and a little weird. And also they are more likely to hurt themselves rather than other people.
But I realize this is fiction so you can choose to take what I've said into consideration or just ignore it. It's up to you since it's yours, but I did enjoy reading it as it was. So nice work overall.
| Kristina Suko chapter 1 . 1/5/2007
That was really good! Amazing...
But it needs some editing, like punctuation and quotation marks.
You never finished "Hush Little Baby" What comes after the diamond ring?
| rhherasgagr chapter 1 . 1/2/2007
Beautiful. Insanity captured perfectly.
| Daniel Clarke chapter 1 . 12/31/2006
I would have preferred some spacing. My eyes kept on skipping lines. But I understand why you did it.
I'm not sure if I should say it was fascinating or horrifying.
So I'll just say good work.