Woah, please update this...the cliffhanger is too much.
Or u know. U could end this book as part 1. And work on next part as a sequel or part 2. This is too good to be left as it is. Please update. Really love this. It is brilliant. Please consider ur dear readers who are waiting for the update for so long. Maybe take ur time but consider writing the next part. It is as good as a novel published. U could do so once u successfully complete it. I know I would buy it. But please complete it here first.

few tips on the description it would be better if you described the people and places rather than named them since people not invested in the story dont care enough about the name for it to tell them anything

I've been following this work since my fangirl days in high school (for a scale of time, I've now gone through enough of college to feel somewhat jaded), and I am so glad to hear that you're still around. So many of the wonderful authors I used to follow around here have left that discovering your updated author profile made my night! :)

Hi Jessie, I just finished reading all 30 chapters in one sitting, and it is truly a wonderful story! Do you still work for the Army? If so, I hope everything is going well for you. I understand it has been a few years since you updated, but hopefully you will have the inspiration to post another chapter soon! Thanks again for sharing your work :)

Well I certainly enjoyed this story, or at least the beginning :) Hopefully it will stay just as enjoyable all the way through.
I really liked your main character, though your line "at least she could keep her identity secret" makes me think she gave the wrong name to them. She shows a lot of fortitude for someone that was locked up, and I really, really like that. I can't help but admit that I am very curious as to what she did, who she murdered. Hopefully I'll find out soon. I can definitely see how you got your awards from this piece-its obvious that you've worked hard and that you've put your soul in to this. I will continue reading, because I really enjoyed the style in which you write and describe her world. Like the blood on the key. Doesn't seem like a major detail but it brings the story to life, drills in that though these soldiers rescued her, they still killed to do so and may in fact be bad people themselves. BRAVO!

I enjoyed this. As a suggestion, I thought maybe there could strong adverbs/adjectives at time. I also like Riley's narrative. The dialogue flowed for the most part, but it would be even better if the characters trailed off a little. The beginning did a nice job of hooking me, coming from a person with a very low attention span. The plot was interesting enough, and overall it was good.

Are you serious? You're leaving it here? So close to the end? Now I have to go to bed frustrated about a 3-year cliffhanger. Thanks.
Seriously though, this is fantastically written. What I like the most about it is the setting. The steampunk world, the design of the Imperial family and their magic and politics and the aether. It all fits together really nicely and makes an interesting and different fantasy world, unlike any I've seen before. This is really worthy of being published. If you wrote a book, I'd totally buy it.

This story is amazing. i do hope you continue one day.

Write a book. Really. Please?

This...is SO good. Really, I read this straight through. When I got to the end...IT'S SUCH A CLIFFHANGER!

I hope one day you finish this and decide to post it on to FP.

Thank you so much, and keep writing. :)

Another great chapter, now I'm officially caught up about what's going on here. And that's always good, if there is ever a hint of doubt, just cease it in the next chapter, awesome job with that.

And the pace is great, not to fast or slow and that is awesome when writing a story.

Wow, very nice so far, and it really did deserve the Most Original Plot Award, never seen anything like this, and I've seen a lot on FictionPress in my short time here, this is awesome.

And the description, spot on, I'm serious I can not find a flaw in this, if someone can they are a better editor than me because this is demonstration of perfection!

Review Marathon on Review Game Today! (link in me profile)

Please, I beg you, finish this story. Or better yet, publish it as a novel. It is that good. I must know what happens!

~Shadowstreak

the escape and the split seem surreal.

riposted