|Reviews for Roanoke|
| unemployed-joy chapter 1 . 12/20/2008
Hi, hi. Review game review for ya.
Ha, I like this. It's a really interesting plot and setting that you've established, that it doesn't make this feel unoriginal. In that way, it's really compelling to the reader to, well, keep reading. Love the first sentence with the little aside: "And not the other way around." It's just a great little detail that establishes so much.
Here's my dislike, aka nitpicky grammar for you. In this sentence: "Following the shot there was more incoherent yelling..." you don't need the "there" there (hee). Removing it would give the sentence a better flow.
And also, in this sentence: "holding the familiar keyring carried by the guards." It's passive, which is fine (but I'd lobby for active), but in this case it's a little confusing. I'm not 100% sure on who the referent of "guards" is. Maybe reword that part a bit?
Anyhoo, good start. Onto chapter 2...
| SRC-SI chapter 25 . 12/20/2008
i love this story...ittis one of the best i have read so far...
it has a really interesting plot and love the characters in the story as well...
keep riting and update soon!
| MZ PEACHESZZ chapter 25 . 12/17/2008
Have you read Come Lie with Me by Linda Howard? The hero's name is Blake Remington. haha, I thought it was funny but perhaps it's a common name? lol. UPDATE SOON!
| arirang chapter 25 . 12/16/2008
I have no suggestions for this chapter...I loved it.
As for predictions? I think Riley's going to realize that her aether-purification abilities can somehow kick Calvert's ass and then she will win the day. Some very cool climactic scene. A lot of Remington getting beaten up again...it seems like you enjoy doing that to him.
Also, I predict a very quick update. Don't disappoint. :]
| fairy Eva chapter 25 . 12/15/2008
I love, love, LOVE this story. Nothing about it is too corny or cheesy, the characters are well thought out, Blake sounds super shmexy and Riley is an awesome female protagonist. This chapter definitely made my day.
| Efreisone chapter 25 . 12/15/2008
Wouldn't the blood dried in Riley's hair be a little questionable when she walks back through the ballroom? I mean, maybe it wouldn't be anything huge, considering this dysfunctional family, but it would turn some heads, yeah?
As for the romancin'... I feel like you're getting more comfortable writing it in, but there's still that mechanical feeling to contend with. I mean, I think Blake is awesome in this Matt-Damon-Action-Star way, but I don't get why Riley LOVES him. (Maybe it's just because my personal idea of love is different- I've flipped through the other reviews and it seems like I'm the only person with an issue here, haha.)
My super-quick breakdown of this weirdness is that: Madison just told Riley that Blake loved her, so she decides "Eh, he's cute. Let's hook up!" and there's very little development of their relationship or personalities that is COMPLETELY separate from this international conflict. I get the feeling that if you strip away the plot here, the two don't have anything holding them together. They never just TALK. It's always Revolt! Rebellion! Smack Lips! Gun! but very little existence. (If that makes any sense.) If this is any indicator: Cal is my favorite character right now. Mostly because he's the most 3D grape in the bunch.
Obviously, you can't change what's already happened until your rewrite. But before you delve into the relationship again, maybe just try picking up a new book. Something fun and useless, but completely character-driven (The first few books in Megan McCafferty's young adult series would be awesome for this. It's hilarious, and in first-person, so it is ALL character-voiced). Because your plot is totally golden at this point, character is what you need to take deeper consideration of.
I'm sticking with my Crazy Body Swap theory. Mostly because gramps and his whole "You look so much alike, wink wink" spiel. Maybe the Empress is suppressing Riley's copperblood power with some freaky brain action? Popping in on the frontal lobe now and then for a checkup?
| Glissoning Raven chapter 25 . 12/15/2008
Wow. All I can say is wow. Please continue!
| The Ferrett chapter 25 . 12/14/2008
Yes, yes yes. *happy dance, spins* God how I loved that ending, and how I was biting my fingernails as they beat Remington. Great chapter.
| Written chapter 25 . 12/14/2008
OH MY GOD YOU UPDATED. sorry I just got all fangirlish on you. OH, ps, re: your troubles on the tiro site. if at sometime you want to like. I don't know, try voting and I'll let you know if your votes went through? unfortunately we don't have a paid account, so we can't check IP addresses which makes it a bit more difficult.
I really do wonder about her grandmother. if she needs her or if she is just... sentimental somehow. it does seem impossible, but you know?
[“Someday, I’ll remove the stones and have this place covered in stone. ]
this sentence reads a little strangely due to the repeat of the word "stone".
oh my god, blake. this entire scene with the beating was just gripping and CRUEL. I love blake :(
I like when they get a chance to talk though. it was very much missed. they are so very cute together which sounds condescending I suppose but I don't mean it that way. gah, I love them. and then they KISS. oh my gosh, I love it. I seriously hope they have a happy ending...
and regarding your author note, I wouldn't worry about this chapter, as far as romance goes. i thought it was well done. and we hadn't seen blake in a while, so it was nice. and also not over the top.
just my opinion.
| g chapter 25 . 12/14/2008
You did just fine with the romantic scenes. I personally can't wait for Calvert and the Empress to be taken down. Also I'm wondering about the full extent of Riley's art.
| gabijaluvs2rite chapter 1 . 12/8/2008
| essie chapter 24 . 11/20/2008
So my question to you all is, was your immediate thought upon reading that scene 'Oh god ... not another villain speech'?
No. he seems even more bone chillingly mad because he was so normal ... er more normal than i thought he would be anyway (besides the whole shooting in the head thing anyway).
| Ink chapter 24 . 11/16/2008
That's... really weird. They can't be killed? o.o
My first thought was not oh god, another villian speech!, it was oh god, calvert needs to go kill himself. Obviously, that's not possible.
Nice chapter. )
| LaFarfalla chapter 1 . 11/16/2008
A very interesting start to your story! You have a writing style that draws the reader in and makes them want to keep reading. Your characterization is good and you created a defined voice for Riley. I like how you add some little details to make it more interesting like the blood on the key ring.
I had trouble imagining what Riley looked like since you didn't describe her but since this was only the first chapter, perhaps you describe her elsewhere.
Overall, a good start to your story! I'll come back to read more later.
| Lana Sky chapter 24 . 11/16/2008
Wow, alot to take in here. So, Calvert is an immortal and he can bring people back to life...like a grim reaper! Now I'm starting to see why Riley offed this guy...brother or not.
Fitting, I suppose. Interesting twist, does the empress know this little tid bit of information?
I wonder how it feels to be shot in the head and brought back to life...not very pleasant I suppose. :S
And about his speech...no, it wasn't like the "dreaded I'm so evil let me gloat" speech. He didn't elaborate and told only the facts like any crazy evil person would.
Very interesting...I wonder how things will play out?