|Reviews for Roanoke|
| Aeriim chapter 1 . 7/14/2009
First off, I'd like to start by saying that I loved your story so far. I read all 30 chapters in about a day and a half. I think it deserves all of the reviews it has gotten. But there's a few things that stop me from liking it as much as I could. I'll just say a few things right now, and if you'd like me to, I'd be more than happy to give a more in-depth review.
I'll start with the pacing. There were multiple times when you stated that you were worried that the story was going too slow. Never once did that even enter my mind. However, more than once I felt that the story was moving too fast. Take a look at a regular novel, especially if you plan on attempting to publish this. They have a lot more down time than you would expect. They have lots of action, but they also have plenty of breathing room. There were times in your story when I felt that there hadn't been enough buildup, enough characterization, for the writing to feel natural.
Next, the plotline. I absolutely loved it, but a few things bothered me. Have you ever watched or heard of the T.V. show, Avatar: The Last Airbender? There was numerous times when I thought I might be reading the same thing. There is countless similarities between the two. I'm not accusing you of copying, but it did stick out to me quite a bit. Another thing was the predictability. There were things that were extremely obvious to me that I felt should have been the exact opposite. There were very few "big reveals" in this story that actually managed to catch me off guard. I'm not saying the plotline isn't good; like I said, I loved the story. But just concentrate on foreshadowing the right amount. Too much, and the story becomes a bore.
I'll talk about just one last thing, unless you ask me to continue. The magic system. I love the idea of it, but I am so completely and totally lost about it. We start off the story thinking that all aether is good for is flying ships. Every step onward after that is explained only at its bare minimums, and it left me floundering in the water. We need to know more about how it works, who is able to use it, what it can do. I was completely bewhildered when I found out there was a shapeshifter that was able to do it because of aether. I was under the impression that you could only fly and make things explode with it! This was probably the biggest dissapointment in the story in my eyes. You have a wonderful magic system, but the readers don't know enough about it to be able to love it as much as they should.
Great work on this story. I loved it, despite it's flaws. I'm anxiously awaiting the next chapter. And like I said before, feel free to message me if you want me to continue. I truly enjoyed this story, and would love to help you make it better.
| Sin Piedad chapter 30 . 6/11/2009
This is the best story/novel/book...whatever the correct term is, that I have read for a long time. I'll put it this way, I hope you publish soon. _
Anyway, good luck on the next part!
Eagerly awaiting the next update,
| lilxseeker chapter 30 . 5/12/2009
wow that is some crazy twist in the end...wowowowow haha but yeah this story is amazing!
| D-Mish chapter 30 . 4/20/2009
I really like this story. I was hesitant to read it at first, but I liked it after the first 3 paragraphs :P
Update soon, its really enjoyable but doesnt always make sense (i know thats the point so its okay). Its looking good, I never know what to expect. And i really like how you don't explain what everything is- makes it seem like we're actually there.
| vivlavide chapter 30 . 4/14/2009
I absolutely adore your story! I think that is one of the best stories on this site. I hope that u r doing ok in Iraq, will u be able to update before your deployment is over?
Positives: the plot is really original, the dialogue is good and the world is unique. I love the paintings of the faces and cant wait until u update! please do soon.
My negative comment is about the relationship between Remington and RIley. They defiantly have chemistry but I feel that is is underdeveloped, especially in the beginning of the story. There should be more talking flirting sexual tension ect, leading up to the kiss, otherwise it seems to completely come out of the blue. Over all it is good, but maybe add some more hints on the rewrite.
I cant wait until u update! and hostages of fortune as well
| grumpirah chapter 30 . 3/29/2009
I hope you're doing okay, looking forward to the next update. I can't wait to find out how things are going to go down with this latest development.
| cherrypiesizzle chapter 18 . 3/22/2009
wait a moment...the suggestion that Remington loves her, already? They've hardly talked, it seems so unbelievable. hm. -strokes invisible beard I'll have to wait until the end of what you have written so far to make my opinion
| cherrypiesizzle chapter 2 . 3/21/2009
I'm hooked already.
| The Pregnant Scholar chapter 2 . 3/7/2009
Is Snowden named for Catch-22?
| ilikebooks chapter 18 . 3/2/2009
i havent read this story in quite a while. i read like the first half but never got back to it.
like all others well written, and the plot is one of the nicest ive read. great work.
| Miss Fairytale chapter 30 . 3/1/2009
Woah totally didn't expect that! Cant wait for the next chapter!
| g chapter 30 . 2/28/2009
i miss u, come back!
| Night Innocence chapter 30 . 2/8/2009
Great plot development!
I love the plot twists and it never bores me. I was disappointed when I found out that Riley wasn't a copperblood, but it turns out that she is! Too bad that she's controlled by her grandmother. Can't wait to see how you get the Empress out of Riley's head.
And I think that in the end, Riley will be the empress with Remmington at her side! (I really hope the story's going to have a happy ending.)
| An Inside Joke chapter 4 . 2/4/2009
For a new addition to the crew, Riley seems to have a lot of responsability in this battle.
| An Inside Joke chapter 3 . 1/30/2009
The chapter seemed a bit slow. The descriptions make the pacing feel too slow to really be appropriate for the rush of battle. I found myself wondering about the time this takes place in. A medieval fantasy world with airships reminds me of Final Fantasy, but little details make me wonder if this might include modern touches, too.
At one point, you describe the uniforms as jumpsuits, which for me evokes shiny cheese jumpsuits worn by astronaughts in 60's style science fiction. I don't think that's the image you mean to evoke, so you might pick a synonym.