Reviews for Roanoke
G.C MacBeth chapter 1 . 1/6/2007
i like the way you ended the chapter, and described Riley's imprisonment. good work, i like it!
Jave Harron chapter 1 . 1/6/2007
Certainly an interesting way to start off your story. As a fan of steampunk, I will keep up with this.
Shdwphoenix chapter 3 . 1/5/2007
I admit, with some shame, that while I was reading this, I was afraid Riley would just commandeer an aether ship and start kicking ass left and right despite being out of shape and out of practice. I'm so sorry for having such little faith in you. D: While I'm on the subject, the concept behind the aether ships is really neat. It's sort of telepathic yet not really, because there's that tube-in-the-neck process involved, so you can't just pop anybody with strong willpower onto them and let 'em fly. The aether ships almost seem like they have a mind of their own, the way you described them. I really like it.

Snow is a lovely nickname. It fits the Corporal so well. Soft. Fluffy. Evokes warm, fuzzy, compassionate feelings as long as you're indoors. And I love that you made him a prankster and not an assassin or something else macho like I usually see.

Action chapter next, right? I can't wait.

- Shdwphoenix
EnderWinner chapter 3 . 1/4/2007
Whoa, interesting story. I like it. It's certainly a bit different, but it's neat. I'm still not all that clear on everything, but it's mostly because you haven't given all that much background, but that's fine.
BlindUnknown chapter 2 . 1/3/2007
Hmm, pretty good. The dialogue is very natural and there's just the right amount of hinting at Riley's origins to sort of figure out where she comes from and why and all such things.

Social hierachy seems sound, and I'm a sucker for "tiny Great Britain vs. big bad empire". Gotta say I like it _
Shdwphoenix chapter 2 . 1/3/2007
Haha, I can see this as an ongoing joke for several more chapters.

"You're a criminal, aren't you? Treason and two murders."

"One, actually."

"Pardon?"

"I only killed one."

And then you'll explain her crimes, at which point it'll probably cease being funny since she seems to feel (or felt) some attachment to that Lucas fellow. Poor Riley.

This chapter is just as good as the last, if not better, just for the little teasers you snuck in. Don't think I missed that dignitary clue. Actually, if she really used to be some high-status person as I think you're hinting at, yet she's still not an extremely bitter, bitter person after what she went through, then I just like her even more, because she's strong-willed on top of being calm and intelligent.

I can picture her saying "little national suicide mission" with absolute frankness. It's great.

-Shdwphoenix

(Thank you for reviewing my one-shot story, by the way, and yeah, I was excited when I realized you listened to Vienna Teng as well. )
Shdwphoenix chapter 1 . 1/2/2007
Three cheers for steampunk

This is a nice start. Your sentences flow really well and establish a comfortable reading pace. I'm intrigued and I definitely want to read more.

I especially like that Riley isn't a sarcastic spitfire picking fights with anyone within speaking distance, as I'd imagined her to be when I read your summary. Somehow, her relative calm and level head only convinces me that the Imperialists somehow wronged her. She's definitely a character I like already.

Please update when you have a chance!

-Shdwphoenix

(And Vienna Teng is awesome.)
Alteng chapter 1 . 1/2/2007
This is a very good beginning. I like that reminder that Riley is sickened by the sight of the dead bodies, despite what she had done to get herself in this situation.

It is odd that you choose an extravagant color like red for the rebels and grey for the imperials. Usually those in charge have the brighter and more noticeable color. Indeed, since I do not what you have planned for later on in this story, you may have a good valid reason for this.

A mild spelling error for you. (And my spelling is atrocious! That is why God created spell checkers!) 'Site' should be 'sight'. 'Site' is usually a location.
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