|Reviews for Roanoke|
| Starrgal18 chapter 1 . 1/18/2009
Very intruiging Chapter. A question though, why don't you describe what she looks like in the first chapter? Then your readers have more to go off of when they picture what's going on.
| Saroo chapter 29 . 1/16/2009
These past two chapters are some of the best so far. It dragged in the middle for so long that these are just packing it in. I love it. Riley's character is really developing, and the plots thickened.
Don't leave us hanging, here! This is really very good. :)
| mikey magee chapter 1 . 1/16/2009
Your use of descriptions in the chapter were great. I liked how you kept them short, but also used them to get the character's feelings across. Like her shortness of breath. I was literaly at the edge of my seat!
I liked the opening too. How you just dropped the reader in the midst of things and started the action. It was a good way to start off. It had me going from the first sentence.
| Efreisone chapter 29 . 1/15/2009
The Empress seemed a little out of character here... so far, everything she has said has been really emotionless and mysterious. But here, she was just so blatantly irritated when speaking to Riley. And why didn't she just make with the mental invasion? If the Empress was involved with the earlier attack, she should know that Riley doesn't have the strength to fight her. And the brief mood swing ("They are, aren't they?") just makes her seem like this batty old lady.
But then she does that whole Crown Princess thing and seems back to normal.
The fight scene itself wasn't confusing. The aftermath, however, I had trouble with. Riley goes from this intense physical situation to one where she's just getting ready for a ship unveiling. I'm guessing that it just seemed weird because there was no obvious reason for the attack.
Remington's message was ten kinds of cool. I'd be interested in seeing what that brand looks like, as I can't remember the description.
| Nara Merald chapter 29 . 1/15/2009
Oh this chapter was on fire! You kinda always wondered if this would happen in the end but having it confirmed is still totally "Lik! OMG!"
Much love to you.
| Rhapsody's Song chapter 29 . 1/14/2009
big news there
i'm really excited to see what happens next
please continue soon
| The Ferrett chapter 29 . 1/14/2009
Well well well. Who saw that coming? Certainly not me. Loving the fact that Remmy is still kicking hard. But it adds a slight kink. Wouldn't Riley as Empress work towards what the splitaways are after?
| arirang chapter 29 . 1/14/2009
The Empress is quite the crafty old woman! Update soon. I can't wait to see how Riley and Calvert begin battling it out.
| jlr chapter 29 . 1/14/2009
As always, this chapter was very well done. I'm kind of bad with fight scenes, but it did take me a few moments to understand that she was stopping the blade, rather than the copy of Grayson being ineffective. That was probably just me, though. I'm excited to see the story as a whole, and I certainly like this turn of events. Update Soon. ~jlr
| grumpirah chapter 29 . 1/14/2009
I swear the Empress is one confusing woman who loves to mess with people. Looks like Riley is going to have to step it up in watching her back. And is that letter hopefully a hint that there will be some Remington in the next couple of chapters. And I can't help but wonder what Remington thought of that little announcement.
| Written chapter 29 . 1/14/2009
wow, somehow I dont think I read the last chapter, so I had to go back and read both. okay, so I'm really curious as to whats happened to remington. it might be because I read all out of order, but did he escape? sorry, I'm not usually so crap at the details. I think riley doesnt know what happened to him but they didnt catch him either, right?
anyway, this is really interesting, because it's hard to tell whether the empress of calvert are behind certain actions and its also hard to tell how much they know about each others double dealing. so thats always really fun and intriguing, to be honest.
I kind of didnt believe the empress when she said she was only keeping riley around for one reason, though it might be true. I dont know, maybe deep down inside she has some LOVE FOR HER GRANDDAUGHTER? YES? YES? haha, I just imagined a fluffy explosion of bunnies and rainbows with that sentence.
ignore me, I just woke up.
as always, a wonderful chapter. this story is pretty much my fave!
| Sianae chapter 28 . 1/11/2009
I really like how you write, you're able to get me deeply involved in your story. When I started reading it I grew attached to the main character and was always rooting for her, but would always be disappointed because she never gets the upperhand in any situation, or at least not for long. You always let the readers get their hearts up and make them think she will succeed in something but she always just ends up failing. Things just never seem to work out for her which is kind of aggravating. The enemies seem to be perfect and all knowing, which is hard to believe despite their amazing powers. I still don't know where you're heading with the plot because it keeps taking all these huge twists and turns, but hopefully I'll get to see something headed in a more positive direction for Riley.
| Daggerhart chapter 3 . 1/4/2009
Again, some of the descriptions were a little over done. 'Sweating profusely' just didn't sound right for some strange reason, but I didn't spot any spelling errors.
The writing was good in this chapter; I actually found it very fitting when Riley began to panic, and the dialog does a good job because it keeps up with the writing.
I like how the action really picks up at the end of the chapter. You also did a good job ending the chapter on that note.
I didn't enjoy the chapter really until the end; the opening didn't do the chapter any justice at the very beginning, too. Besides that, though, I like how the characters are developing though.
| Daggerhart chapter 2 . 1/4/2009
The opening could still be improved upon. The ending, again, was great. Just try to make the beginning of the chapter start off interesting before you get into describing everything.
Remington seems like another character who's intentions aren't all that clear, which is a good thing. I liked the description towards the end of the chapter when Riley almost cried; I'm pretty sure he saw it too but didn't choose to say anything about it.
I enjoyed reading this chapter alot more than the other chapter, even though some of the description still felt a little overdone. I think that you should also write down who says what also because after a while lines of dialogue without the speaker being acknowledged confused me for a second.
The plot seems to be forming here, as it did in the last chapter. Good job on this one; I'm curious as to who Cal and Lucas are...
| Daggerhart chapter 1 . 1/4/2009
The opening could have been better, because I really wasn't hooked at the start. The ending made up for the lack of a good opening. I can't really tell you why the opening didn't hit me; I just felt that the sentence wasn't dynamic enough for the opening of your story, or any story, for that matter.
The dialog was short and sweet, but I wished to see more than what was presented in the chapter. I liked the way that it flowed, and it fit the setting of your story.
Riley seems like an interesting character I want to find out why exactly she's committed those crimes. But you never really gave a description of her physically, so it was a little hard to picture the chapter in my head.
I think that some of the chapter was overly descriptive, and I found myself reading the same sentence over and over again. Your descriptions did somewhat paint a picture, but the writing seemed to slow the chapter down in terms of action.