Reviews for Lily Payne
InsaneRomantic chapter 1 . 3/3/2008
Whoa. I have goose bumps on my arms, and a shiver making it's way down my spine. Beautifully written.
RulernAvOst chapter 2 . 9/24/2007
I loved it! It was brilliant! Horror is my favorite genre, and it's way to few of those in my opinion. You really managed to captivate the situation. Evil children give me the chills, and you wrote it wonderfully!

Loved it.
Broken Petals chapter 2 . 7/5/2007
_O That was kinda disturbing. But really, really good, although I had to reread the end to really get it. But great job.
Countess of the Spires chapter 2 . 7/5/2007
My, I've never seen so many reviews! I might guess, you barely check on this story much anymore, but, if it counts:

WOW! Teach me to write horror!
Busillis chapter 1 . 7/5/2007
I really liked this story. The combination of helplessness and sadism really worked to create a creepy atmosphere and compelling plot. I loved the ending, I like endings which are slightly ambiguous and make you think. My one criticism, and it is minor, is that the character of Jack seems a little convenient. At times he seems more a plot device than a character. In some places he seemed almost like a metaphor for the divine, at others he just seemed contrived. Nevertheless, this is an excellent story.
Gilded Coins chapter 1 . 6/16/2007
Nicely creepy! This is the type of story I can read repeatedly. I enjoyed the nursery rhymes, but I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or be horrified: I have a slightly morbid sense of humour. I like how you handled Rose's trauma. She wasn't self-pitying or melodramatic. She was frightened, but she wasn't going to let that ruin her life. Overall, her feelings came out very sincere. There was a certain tone to this story that made it feel antiquated. I think it was a combination of the names, the nursery rhymes, and the dialogue.

I was a bit confused to what happened there in the "Lily Rose Payne" scene. I like to think she was possessed by a demon who now moved into her daughter. That last rhyme is brilliant.

The only thing I disliked were the transitions; they felt a bit bumpy. I think it may actually work better reversed: to have the narration in italics and the actually happenings in normal font. Or the apparent bumpiness may be due to my sleep deprivation :-p

Overall, very enjoyable and creepy story. Thanks for sharing it.
Rosegirl18 chapter 1 . 5/5/2007
wow, this is absolute genious! I love your ideas and plotline. You're great at nursery rhymes, too!
Luicia and the voices chapter 1 . 4/20/2007
This is so beautifully horrific! the nursery rhymes are so freaking creepy. i really like how this is going. *shivers* you should do more horrors...

~lu
Xabelle chapter 1 . 4/5/2007
Great piece of writing! When I was little, some nursery rhymes really scared me so I've always thought of them as not really fit for children. Your summary intrigued me, and the story itself didn't disappoint. The twisted nursery rhymes worked well, and you managed to keep the eerie mood of this story all throughout. Thanks for a great read!
Elphie Thropp chapter 1 . 4/5/2007
Wow...

This is officially the first good horror story I've read on FP. AWESOME job!

I really like how you leave the reader to decide exactly what Lily was. Horror stories with thought-provoking, twist endings are the greatest.

Absolutely fantastic, keep it up!

P.S. This is going in my favorites!
King of Kings chapter 1 . 3/31/2007
Wow. That was...creepy. Was Lily Payne a part of Rose? It seems that way to me after the end. Was she a demon? Whether she was or not, she creeps me out. -shivers- Great story! ;)
Dahlia Wolffe chapter 1 . 3/11/2007
This is GOOD. I mean REALLY GOOD. Lily Payne is a motherf*ing child of the korn! Freaky much? But I really like it. I haven't added a story to my favorites in like 3 years and yours breaks the record.

Onto chaper Two!
Sophia Victoria chapter 1 . 3/11/2007
God, you made a well written horror! . I have to envy you for that! Um, I'll add this to my faves and to the C2 which I'm a staff!

Keep writing horrors that I fancy

They make my gloomy day filled with fantasy

If you didn't follow my desperate order

Then be prepared to offer your bleeding liver!

Okay, that's a weird rhyme! I'm not good with rhymes!:)

x/Dark Snow Angel/x
Noihseret chapter 1 . 3/10/2007
creepy. amazingly writen and very thought provoking but... creepy. I loved it
divinexglory chapter 1 . 3/9/2007
I'm not sure I understand, though it's really well written and very good. I'm thinking schizophrenia? Lily Payne was actually Rose? But I don't know. Around the birthing is where I got confused.

I was wonering, though; if Lily was real, Rose could have easily gotten a restraining order for her. Right?
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