I think it's a quite good beginning. Just could use a little bit more of adjectives and adverbs, you know, to describe things better. To put a better picture in the reader's mind of what's happening in the story. Nevertheless, there is a quote that says, "It is amazing how little information we can give our readers, they still can see the story in their mind's eye."

Keep on writing. :) And, if you want, check out my new story. I'd love a review on it, if you would.

I think this first part could use another read over there are a quotes that are missing. Also it might be good to consider how you describe things, you said a small cottage usually meaning a one to two room house but this cottage has halls and studies, . Your first fight seen was somewhat bad to, try to show not tell when your describing actions. Finally, there are a few confusing sentences that I'm sure you can pick up and fix with the reread. Over all this seems like an interesting story.

Woohoo! I love this story. I gotta tell you I was pretty pissed when Argon just double crossed her like that. Taking her and raising her just so he could turn her over was pretty damn low. But I do like Zek! He's a great mixture between sarcasm and innocence, I find it very endearing.

I can't wait for more of this story, please update soon!

Ollie May

Very nice. You've a talent with creating tension in a scene like when Argon was running through the forest. This was an excellent set up chapter, I can't wait to see where you take this!

Ollie May