Reviews for In Plain Sight
Kaia Zeffirelli chapter 23 . 6/25/2007
*sniffle* wow... that was awesome... and heartbreaking... this is THE BEST fictionpress story i've ever read BY FAR! i must say, though, that i'm, well, surprised by the ending... *sniffle* i guess i'd hoped it would be happy and neatly wrapped up and kim/max would be with zach and everything would work out perfect, but then again, that's not life, is it? but i still like the way it ends very very much!
aj chapter 21 . 6/21/2007
i love this story! your plot is amazing really well thought out... the only thing that bothered me was that Max didn't know how to fight. with the business her mom was in and with her planning to kill someone, wouldn't she know how to throw a decent punch? other than that its really really good! can't wait for the next chapter!
Lalaith7 chapter 21 . 6/8/2007
Wah! Now she's going to save the day, not get any credit and never see Zach again, until of course either Jacob lets it slip what she did or enough for Zach to piece together who she is or both and then he feels guilty and searches her out.
mandrake-o chapter 21 . 6/8/2007
Okay, next time you don't post in a while I will not assume you are dead. ) But if you leave this for a really long time... that's one giant cliffhanger right there.

) Mandraco.
Kaia Zeffirelli chapter 21 . 6/8/2007
I must say this chapter had a shaky start, but it got much better as it went! Another cliffie! I want to know what happens next! Poor Kim/Max! Don't let her die or anything!
Kaia Zeffirelli chapter 20 . 5/31/2007

btw (i'm relaxed now...)- I like the way Zach found out- the perfume and all- it's perfect! I'm practically itching to know what happens next!

Also, I was wondering if I could have your imput on two of my stories (you've already started reading one)- Alex and Lost & Found. Please let me know what you think.


Katrina Zeffirelli
mandrake-o chapter 20 . 5/31/2007
You know, I really did think you were dead. Well, maybe not. But you and Zebbie (lol) are totally my favourite author at the moment and I was lost without you.

Also: yay, action in the next chapter.

) Mandraco.
Kaia Zeffirelli chapter 19 . 5/17/2007
OMG OMG OMG! Is Max going to tell him? PLEASE PUT UP THE NEXT CHAPTER! I have to know what happens next! (this was a great chapter by the way) :)
mandrake-o chapter 19 . 5/17/2007
Awesome chapter. Twin bonding. And Zach/Jake bonding too. But no Zach/Max bonding. Oh well. Can't expect too much from one chapter. Then there'd be no suspense.

) Mandraco.
Lalaith7 chapter 18 . 5/6/2007
*squeals in delight* you changed it! and they're like almost together now! And you didn't even know it was my birthday. You officially rock.
Kaia Zeffirelli chapter 18 . 5/6/2007
AH! If only they knew! Wow! I could feel the emotion in this. Very, very, very, very, very well written! PLEASE UPDATE ASAP! I have to know what happens next! :)
mandrake-o chapter 18 . 5/5/2007
Ooh a kiss and a cat. And Zach is still clueless poor boy. And oh yeah, in the first paragraph you said "layer" when I'm pretty sure you meant "lair". Not to be confused with "liar" or "lawyer" either. Lol.

) Mandraco.
mandrake-o chapter 17 . 5/1/2007
Awesome chapter. I loved it... But poor ol' Zach still thinks she's a he.

) Mandraco.
Coquijontas chapter 2 . 4/30/2007
A mind twister of a story, which perplexes my curiosity since, when you do reveal information you mystified the story; this is an excellent quality. The characters are believable and so is the dialogue. You have a unique style of writing.

Opening my eyes, (COMMA) I tighten the bandage around my chest, hoping that today will be the last day I do so, and knowing that it will not be.

For the entire world, (NOT all the world) (COMMA) I am a normal teenage boy - though I seem younger than my age.

I smooth my t-shirt down self-consciously (NOT self consciously).

Looking around a final time, (COMMA) I open the wardrobe door and take out the three things that I have kept hidden under the slip of carpet that lifts up at the back.

Two years ago, (COMMA) she was found dead on the kitchen floor.

In her mind, (COMMA) there’s no question that I am anyone else.

As my eyes adjust to the light, (COMMA) I scan the road in front of the building for the person I’m meeting.

She sees me and waves and then mimes looking at her watch.

She sees me, waves, and then mimes looking at her watch.

In a second, (COMMA) her arms are around me tugging me into a firm embrace.

He’s wishing he were (NOT was) me.

He’s wondering if I get to slip my fingers inside her shirt and pop the buttons, (COMMA) one by one all the way down.

If he starts to investigate Uncle Harry, (COMMA) I know he won’t find very many facts that mirror my stories.

If I was, (COMMA) her father I would have told her what was going on, even if it did ruin my nice-guy image.

It’s just that the risks weren’t so big before someone started playing kingpin(NOT king-pin).

I know who else is on that ever-shrinking (NOT ever shrinking ) list and one of the names is mine.

Of that small list, (COMMA) four will die and the one left over is the big cheese.

If you package things a little differently, (COMMA) most people won’t look beyond the surface.

If I don’t pull this off right, (COMMA) I might have to use it.

I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear - mirroring the contact; (SEMICOLON)she gave me, trying to act natural.

All the time I’m looking into her eyes as (NOT like) she is looking into mine.

Her lips hovered open, millimetres from mine.

Her lips hover, open, millimeters from mine.

I mean, I’ve thought about it, (NO semicolon) don’t get me wrong- I’m frustrated enough to have thought about it.

Two years not being (NOT getting) found out is a long time.

Hell, I wish she were (NOT was).

As far as she’s concerned I have just been kicked out by my only living relative.

As far as she’s concerned, (COMMA) my only living relative has just kicked me out.

She stops on the third floor and shows me into a well-kept (NOT well kept) guest room.

Then I start to say something that comes from nowhere (NOT no where).

Overall, you’re maintaining great pace and character development. The story could use more setting but as is, it’s just fine. I loved the terrific surprise ending, which shocked me.

Write On!
Lalaith7 chapter 17 . 4/29/2007
darn, he should've said "Trying to kill each other"
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