|Reviews for Legendary|
| Sekine Hana chapter 2 . 3/25/2008
It's just conversation after conversation. I see inverted commas everywhere. It's starting to feel shallow, and it definitely falls under the category of chick lit. Your characters are really superficial, and they don't have much personality.
Try reading more professional work to help get your writing become more refined. Either you read work on fiction press, or read profesionally published books. Try stuff like Lord of the Rings (Also fantasy and adventure), or twilight (fantasy in the modern setting, like yours). Harry Potter would be good for characterization, especially when it comes to teenagers like your characters.
If you can't get a hold of books, look through work on fp. I recommend 'heaven and a nightwish' by Rayz. If that's too big a jump for you try 'under the cherry tree' by which is really simple and nice. You can try my work too but I wouldn't rate it as exceptionally good ;. heh
well don't be discouraged by what I'm saying. I started off writing like this too. It takes time. Just try your best to improve. A good piece of writing does not appear over night. Most author's devote years to writing just one story. Keep trying hard.
If you need any help you can always approach me.
| Sekine Hana chapter 1 . 3/20/2008
Hmm, I kinda liked your style at the start. Formal and descriptive. Do note that you should not change the point of view after every paragraph. It breaks the flow of your writing. And it confuses the reader.
However after the first 4 paragraphs, it slowly started sounding like fluff and chick lit, which I happen to dislike greatly. Try to keep the formal tone going, instead of making it all informal and teenager-ish.
I'll review your other chapters when I have the time.