|Reviews for Burnd The Forte|
| Melissa Norvell chapter 7 . 8/17/2007
A truly beautiful work here. As a fellow author I have to say that it's hard to find works that are worth the read, but this was definitely one of those works. A good plot, characterization and well-spaced out events. I like the pace that you're working at and I've became hooked on this piece. So, I shall add it to my alerts list.
Perhaps, if you have the time, you'll be willing to check out some of my works. They probably aren't as good as yours, but I would be honored to know what you think.
| Aki to Tarou chapter 7 . 5/16/2007
Omg, I love this story so far! Your writing style is lovely- I'm so enraptured by it! The entire idea of this is so original- a gift, a blessing, and a curse from God... I guess the gifts are given as apologies for all the pain he has to endure?
I really enjoy the relationship between Carico and Nero- the story doesn't seem slow at all! It seems like things are slowly unravelling; like the characters, we are learning about them as they are about themselves.
Funny thing, 'merda' is similar to the French word for shit (merde). Well, they are romantic languages ;. Keep writing! I've noticed improvements :3.
| rust phoenix chapter 7 . 4/8/2007
The character interactions were very realistic, I wonder how Blithe is going to fit into the story. I look forward to seeing how the story will progress, you have a lot of interesting things going on. One grammar issue:
"“I wonder what was wrong…” She says innocently."
"“I wonder what was wrong…” she says innocently."
You don't need a capital on "she" if the dialogue is part of the sentence. It's no big deal though, a lot of writers make that mistake. I just thought I'd point it out.
Keep writing, this is a fascinating story!
| rust phoenix chapter 6 . 4/8/2007
The character development is going really well, they seem like people you would meet in real life. I like the way you mix fantasy with real life situations. The pacing is good too, this story is really keeping me interested.
| rust phoenix chapter 5 . 4/8/2007
"Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt (I need better lines…)."
I smiled at that, the unexpected humor works very well.
Cool chapter, I like the character development. It was a short chapter but probably one of the most powerful. Rocco's reaction was quite interesting and adds a nice human touch to the story.
By the way, I just saw your character drawings on deviantart and they are amazing. You're such a talented artist. I might do some fanart for Sleet and Hale - it probably won't be as good as your own art, but I can send it to you if you want. Let me know.
| rust phoenix chapter 4 . 4/8/2007
I finally get a chance to catch up on reading this. I agree that school sucks, I'm so glad it's spring break now. Anyway...
I really like the first person present tense, and you do an excellent job writing it. I've tried using it myself in some fanfiction, and I've noticed that it can be hard to remember to use the right amount of descriptions and keep the pacing interesting. You do both of those perfectly.
"After it got dark and coloured lights now lit up the eternal city, Carico and I had headed back to my house."
That was a very poetic sentence, and a great example of what I described above. It drew me in from the very beginning. I think the tense may be slightly off - it seems to switch from past to present to past again. Maybe it would be more grammatically correct like this: "After it has gotten dark, coloured lights now illuminating the eternal city, Carico and I head back to my house." Or if you'd rather, you could make it all past tense: "After it had gotten dark and coloured lights lit up the eternal city, Carico and I headed back to my house." You seem to switch tenses like that quite often, and it's a bit confusing, especially mid-sentence. Personally I think present tense is more effective for this story, but it's your choice of course. Don't get me wrong, this is still one of the most original and well-written things I've read in a long time, it's got a better plot and characters than a published book I'm reading at the moment. I'm just telling you this because you asked to have any verb form errors pointed out.
By the way, sorry that there are probably tons of spelling mistakes in this review, but my dad is calling me so I don't have time to check it over.
| Hawk Raskenark chapter 7 . 3/28/2007
I thought I reviewed the newest chapter already. Well, anyway, this is my personal favorite of all of your stories thus far.
Keep up the great work!
| Hawk Raskenark chapter 7 . 3/26/2007
Love it; absolutely love it. It definitely is your best story so far, in my opinion, at least my favorite of your stories so far.
Keep up the great work!
| FoxyGrampa chapter 7 . 3/25/2007
Ah, I understand the review thing perfectly well. Why do you think I commonly weight at least 2 to 3 weeks before updating? To allow reviews to accumulate. Of course I sometimes wait even longer than that...
"If you haven’t guessed yet, dinnertime is the most important time of the day for my family."
Second person. Eh. It's pretty much your call. I personally would avoid it, but some writers can get away with it. It bugs some people though to see it like this. Try to make it more subtle next time or just rephrase the whole sentance to get a point across.
I'll be reading your update
| FoxyGrampa chapter 6 . 3/25/2007
That was good. Just one thing though;
"Putting the hippo down, the door opens and closes once more."
This sentances makes it sounds like it's the door holding the hippo. Hehe. It should probably be;
"Putting the hippo down, I heard the door open and close once more."
You kind of confuse tenses, I notice as well. Is the story supposed to be past or present tense? I don't really know. o.o;
But yeah. Just some mechanical things everyone struggles with once in a while. You have a good story though, keep it up.
| FoxyGrampa chapter 5 . 3/25/2007
That was good. I liked it. Shows that everyone has their own backround. I like how you just don't have the usual generic teacher characters people throw in a lot. It was good. :3
I shall be reading on
| FoxyGrampa chapter 4 . 3/25/2007
I don't remember reading this chapter. I've been hanging out in the fanatsy section too much-and it doesn't even do me any good! Pfft.
Anyway, good chapter. Yay, Carico and Nero naughty stuff! Now to read the next chapter...
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 7 . 3/25/2007
Heya there! It's me again! Well, glad to see you updated... anyway, nothing much to say on what'sin this chapter except that Abaceos' sis was some annoying kid, huh? I really wonder what you're gonna do with Carico. Will Blithe gets to know Carico's mother? I dunno... maybe I'll find that out in the future chapters... ;)
| Sysi chapter 7 . 3/25/2007
Blithe seems really nosy and a bit malicious. I can't believe that she would be a minion of Satan, though. She is just not... something enough to be.
Not to sound rude, but if you are going to give Nero's parents even a bit bigger part in the story, you ought to deepen their characters. Now they seem a little flat.
Poor Carico. Don't cause too severe depression to Mister Wannabecargoyle! I can't help but think that he doesn't deserve it... I have to read the whole story again some time, because I just realized I don't remember how well he was aware of Nero's mystic magical wings and what comes with them. I mean, he did know about the wings, but what else does he know...?
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 6 . 3/12/2007
Ok, this is a rather good chapter. Like the interaction here. One issue I have here though, is that if you're going to do more fillers in the future, let them be a form of character development. Up till now, I haven't seen much of this. How you're going to portray Nero and Carico's past? What really happened in the past that made them the persons that they're now. What about Sig. Rocco? What was he exactly thinking during the past events? There's so much more you can do with character development at this point of time. That's what fillers are there for: To develope or at least to let the readers know the characters' nature. Think about this. I'm not being mean here. If I sound so, then I apologize. But all in all, this is just a CC on my part, so you can take it or dismiss it. After all, everybody has his own opinion...
P.S: Writing a new chapter of Wolfblood after some hiatus period. Hope to see your review for it soon once it's updated.