Reviews for After
Philip Ellis chapter 2 . 3/26/2008
As a story, it is rich in language and imagery, if maybe just a little clunky. As a fairy tale, it is Angela Carter-esque. Which is high praise, btw.
American Schokolade chapter 2 . 1/15/2007
Another nicely crafted chapter. I think this one is better than the last one, though...I still wish it were longer because I'm still waiting for that plot to come in-or at least hints toward a plot. Anyway, good job and keep it up!
American Schokolade chapter 1 . 1/14/2007
I think this is a great start. Unlike many stories here on FP, yours is flawless mechanically and wonderfully discriptive. I kept getting distracted while reading this, unfortunately (one of the many downsides of having a roommate), so I'm afraid this review is probably lacking as my whole perception of your first chapter is lacking, but I thought it was good nonetheless.

However, I found the scene in the cabin a little flat. I think you glossed over his feelings too much and relied excessively on describing actions and actions alone. While I understand that he may have been a little detached during this scene, it is obvious that it will play an important role in shaping the character later on, so maybe it should come with a little more feeling behind it.

Overall, I think it's great. Maybe you should have went on with this first chapter, though. You set up a good premise for character development, but I couldn't really see any plot in this. It might have done well to extend the chapter long enough to include a taste of what's to come. Anyway, I love your style, your writing's great, and I hope you continue!