Reviews for Atelophobia
123454321 chapter 3 . 3/9/2008
It was not until the end that I did not like Nicoli. Her character was quickly revealed in this little piece and I am glad to say you did so very adeptly.

I cannot be sure whether this story is to be connect with the others or not, but it is very pretty on its own.

Also, their dialogue seems somewhat forced and a little too proper for what is going on. Perhaps if the reader knew where the setting for this is taking place (USA, Europe, Russia) the dialogue could flow better.


Courtesy of the review marathon (link on profile).
123454321 chapter 2 . 3/9/2008
'as he embraced her like the wind of the night.' Good phrase for such an, assumingly, forbidden love.

I like/am weirded out by the way they play eachother's bones. It almost deserves some background music to go along with it.


Courtesy of the review marathon (link on profile).
123454321 chapter 1 . 3/9/2008
Interesting... A little painful, to be honest. Three broken fingers? That idea made me squirm a little, which may have been what you were going for.

But your word choices are smooth, yet sharp; and they create a very distinct mental image.


Courtesy of the review marathon (link on profile).
super happy nuclear girl chapter 6 . 3/29/2007
It is stories like yours that keep me searching FP. God, I haven't read something like this in so long. It is wonderful, you have managed to foil wrap such beautiful characters and feeling in such short chapters, when sometimes it takes people pages and pages.

Your words are perfect too, they are so fluid and eloquent and flow perfectly when you read them. And I love your imagry! The idea of the ribbon, and the beginning chapter where she snaps her fingers back in place.

I love this line "when the ribbon hangs in your art and not on you, sorrow is a yesterday." and the last lines, they are so stark and blatant that it... hits you.

It really is beautiful, you've done such a good job :)
CalypsoDreaming chapter 6 . 3/1/2007
Lovely. Beautiful imagery, complex ideas shown through simple words which have a deeper meaning. And the ending really is lovely. The whole story just conveys such strong feelings, mostly of sorrow and nostalgia.

I love this.
FunkyFlower chapter 3 . 2/17/2007
this was definitely uniqely written. i cant say what exactly, but the way u made the characters speak is not like anything ive really read before :P mysterious,

FunkyFlower chapter 2 . 2/17/2007
this was beautifully written. i especially loved the imagery and some of the oxymorons present in this. the last bit was fantastic, and the usage of similes and metaphors was brilliant. great job,

FunkyFlower chapter 1 . 2/17/2007
ambiguous but it really makes u think. (i never knew atelophobia meant fear of imperfection). btw Aquafied, thank you so much for all ur reviews! i really appreciate it with all my heart and hope u keep reading 'Alisha'. to be honest, i dont think my best friends are as punctual as u in checking out my work :) thank you so much, once again :) and sorry for all the reviewing ive missed out on. hope to catch up to it all asap ;) take care,

beyond.that.horizon chapter 6 . 2/16/2007
i think i'm going to cry.

that was utter beauty. i felt my heart wrench with every word. i've always lived and breathed art, and i had never really thought that it could destroy someone so. it sheds a whole new light onto it.

this was perfection, though. i cannot place my praise into words for this work of pure, raw

no.peace.los.angeles chapter 2 . 2/16/2007
WOW. Quite the piece. There are a lot of striking images in here, like "paper chain ribs." Incredible. The second sentence of this is awkward, though - the "she was touching his fingers that were wrapped" is passive voice (oh, God, I sound like my journalism professor - shoot me now) and it could be reworded to active tense somehow, but my brain is hating me at the moment, so I can't think of the rearrangement of that. Anyway, nice. Keep writing! :)
Kendal chapter 6 . 2/14/2007
I can't quite say I understand this, but I really like it. I tend to gravitate toward things with impact, and this most definitely has that. The language that you use in the piece is beautiful as well.

I do have one suggestion, that may or may not be applicable, and that is that at times, the lengthy paragraphs are hard to read - kind of like a run on sentence that's not, if that makes any sense at all. Ah, ignore me. I just wanted to let you know I liked.
Sunami Silverblade chapter 1 . 2/13/2007
This is beautiful... so detached, yet so poignant...


I have missed your writing.
t-t-t-ouch chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
Beautifully morbid and eloquently phrased. I really like this. I cant compare it much to your other work since this is the first one I've read but it's wonderful. Good job. I especially like the "good bye brown hair" part.
thursdays and rain chapter 2 . 2/10/2007
hmm, don't you just love love? tralalalala..
thursdays and rain chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
i had three broken fingers last week.. surprisingly, it just got healed in an instant.. i think you're my angel, i hope it didn't hurt that much.. though the poem in itself was good, i hope you don't feel that imperfect.. no one is.. ;)
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