|Reviews for The Awakening|
| Evenunderscore chapter 1 . 1/17/2007
I really liked it. The graphic scenes were well...graphic, they showed battle the way that it is not some idealized game of pawns (sorry! ranted there for a sec.) Anyway, the only problem I saw was a problem with keeping your story in whichever tense it is you wanted to use(NBD, happens all the time)
| Windfox chapter 1 . 1/17/2007
First of all, this doesn't suck. I could show you dozens of stories that suck, as long as you put some sort of thought into your writing, you probably wont write anything that is truly bad.
That being said, there are a few problems. The biggest being that the "normal girl gets powers/sword/etc. and saves the world" story has been done to death. This isn't a bad thing, but you'll need real quality and original writing to stand out from all the other similiar stories out there.
Also, there are a few instances of tense confusion.
"There are so many dead corpses lying about my feet,"
The bulk of the story is past tense, but the "are" in that sentence is present tense, it should be "were". I'ts important to stay in one tense.
Something that isn't really a problem, but I noticed it, youput in a mixed metaphor(I think that's what it's called, not sure on that).
"It’s whistling sound cut through the air like a knife through water."
Knives aren't typically used to cut through water, something like butter would be more appropriate. But it really isn't that important, I just tend to be nitpicky.
I am definitely interested in the story, and I'll set an Alert up when I finish the review. Good luck!