Reviews for Finale
Torn and Tattered chapter 1 . 1/25/2007
You know what, I will go ahead and comment on a comment (I rock!). So i say... i like the simplistic fashion of this poem and like the flow. the repitition of simple words doesn't make it too cloudy and its all reflecting... if you get that.

very nice... this is my favorite of the last two you just posted.

as i said before, you're getting better as we get older (though technically for every second i type this... we are getting older... imagine that Crispee.)

Your best friend and hopefully a GOOD editor (depends on the authoress for that opinion...)

*Rakiz*
Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 1/22/2007
This would work great with stanza breaks if you keep your repetition. Something like:

One more angel in heaven.

One more tear from an eye.

One more sunset forever.

One time only you die.

One more empty apartment.

One more lamp left on all night.

One more child who’s crying.

One person out of the fight.

One less smile in the home.

One less laugh you will hear.

One less plate on the table.

One missing heart to hold near.

One less person to talk to.

One less candle to burn.

One less door to be opened.

One final missed turn.

One life is eternal.

One memory is passed.

One more angel in heaven.

One new life will last.

However I would recommend changing it all up as your repetition feels flat because you're repeating very simple words and you're doing it the whole way through the piece.

It feels cliched with that repetition and some of your imagery. It's a nice idea but it's been done before in similar fashion. You need to put an original spin on it to get a reader interested.

Hopefully this was helpful.

.:midnight:.