|Reviews for Wrench Worlds|
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 2/27/2007
powerful piece... i really really like it.. i also like the title and the allieration in the title... awesome job
| breezy nostrils chapter 1 . 2/19/2007
i think the complexity of the word choice kind of took away from the poem. it seems to be so bogged down in big words. maybe there's a point to it but other than that i like that line in the 2nd stanza about the household appliance. nice work.
| ViciousMan chapter 1 . 2/1/2007
Ah, so this sounds like hatred coming from a shunned person or an outcast.
We have to be careful about how we treat other people - Shunning people in an undiplomatic manner can lead to trouble for all parties!
| FUCK ME ARSE chapter 1 . 1/25/2007
U SHUD BE KLLED 4 TIS ASSCUNT WURKZ
| Kakyou Takashiro chapter 1 . 1/25/2007
this is certainly one of your pieces where i can you that you'e intently put a lot more effort into writing it. however, i do feel a sense that you're trying to push a little too sincerely all too much. you've asked for my honest, sincere, and lengthy review, and being that it is a thursday night, i would not turn down a friend.
the first stanza. is a bit confusing. not in the sense that i don't have a idea of what you're talking about, but more so of what all means. you seemlying start of your poem describing "you" as someone who has pushed you aside, ignored you, or mistreated treated. and though this is the quality of many linkin park songs, i does not hold anything powerful for the readers. true, poetry is about self expression, but poetry is also an art. and even if the poem is rhythmic and expressive, true art - be it, art that is remembered - is powerful. your first stanza as with the following two stanzas are expressive, they are moving - they have timely placed caesuras, and even though the rhythm is somewhat awkward - it seems to go with the convictions you seem to portray. however, it lacks power. strong words, inciting words, paradoxical phrases, and metaphorical phrases don't make poems strong. that's something else.
now as we move down even lower to the last couple of stanzas of your poem - we see description upon description. personally, i came away from this poem feeling pretty filthy. even though this poem was not addressed to me - or at least specifically me, i felt a hint of disgust. this is not a bad thing... however, it's not a powerful thing either.
now, of course, you're probably wondering why he's going on about a poem being powerful. and truth be told, when i recieved the message from you to review your poem because it's going to be a while before you write another one, and that you'll start writing original fictions to improve and to reach greater heights with your poetry - you were asking me to critique your poetry.
yet on almost all technical and poetic level - i can't really critique it. i feel the sincerity - be it the belligerent sincerely. i feel your anger, your disgust. but on a purely abstract level - devoid of technique and of style - devoid of the conventions of writing. what this poem lacks is power.
it does not move me.
however, this is a huge improvement from your prior works. it displays maturity, and evolution of your own style, and the ability for you to express yourself in simple phrases.
it is important to keep in mind though, even though there is expression, style (though some i'm sure would agree that the sytle here is bad - those of whom i would gladly debate with), and maturity... the ability to move an audience - to create an emotion words cannot create (however paradoxical and alter-universal that idea may be) is just as important.
| Purified Angel chapter 1 . 1/25/2007
Mm, I like. I say there's a lot of big words (yeah, I'm not that bright P) But I guess it kinda...enhances the poem in a way? Iono, just gives it a little "zing" to it in my opinion. M, well hm...really detailed, which is really good. You're getting better and better :]. I love the discriptions and your visuals are really good. Keep it up :]
| Ice and Snow chapter 1 . 1/25/2007
you're getting there ]