Reviews for One Conclusion
Tytherpol chapter 1 . 11/23/2007
"...the fuse

That ignites inside you when you

Ask, “What else is on the news?”" -so beautiful.

but i wish it ended there.

the rhymes, rhythms, and throughts in this are so awesome.

i really, really like it.
Sally Can Wait chapter 1 . 7/12/2007
:O

I hate you.

For being so good at writing poetry.

You awesome possum personage.

-Sallykins :3
Crossing the Rubicon chapter 1 . 5/16/2007
You've managed to write a well-conceived rhyming poem where nothing sounds forced. I especially like the first and last stanzas. Great work.
Jared DeVries chapter 1 . 2/28/2007
tThis is pretty great, another well done and well informed piece of writing.
Ladiebug chapter 1 . 2/27/2007
Really? I love Sally Can Wait's stuff! O, please keep me notified about when you plan to release the first chapter! With your writing and her writing, it's going be good haha.

I'm 14 by the way. I just felt like saying that.

Anyways, since I wanted to reply to you, and I couldn't reply on the same poem twice, i clicked on another one, and i think i should at least read it, if im going to review or i'll feel guilty so one moment...

kool. i see what you mean by 'political', i like the message your getting across though, about government and warfare. The only thing I have to suggest is that one word 'crayon' in the third stanza. It doesn't quite fit. Though i see what you were up against, with rhyming 'depression.' haha. possesion? confession? anyways,it's going to take me a while to work through all your stuff. ( 63. holy cow!) so, i better go lol. .

V
tangelos chapter 1 . 2/25/2007
I see the anger in this piece and I like the interesting use of shout-outs because they do enhance the conveyance of agitation against a corrupted society. I do feel, however, that some ideas could be brought across in a subtler, less emotionally-charged way. For politically-themed works in particular, I find that sometimes, more people may sit up and listen when you are not hollering (or doing the poetic equivalent of a riot). Do keep writing! :D
The Animagess chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
The last four verses are the weakest and suffer from a certain lack of inspiration in the rhymes, perhaps sacrificing rhythm to getting the message across. It starts off wonderfully though, and I'd have to say the sense of dynamism and word choice is far stronger than in your "Rusted Train" poem.

-Reaching for the printer paper,

When they do not have their crayons.
jekodama chapter 1 . 1/29/2007
insightful, indeed. I pray to whatever Higher Being out there that people start thinking like you do, because our current leaders only think about themselves and not about the well-being of the rest.

Jessica
nostalgicEXPLOSION chapter 1 . 1/27/2007
Haven't talked to you in a while. I hope everything is going great!

I loved this and it exactly mirrors MY feelings about everything that seems to be going on these days. Aigoo!

My favorite lines have to be: ‘Cause The world is getting colder

/While the sun is getting bright,

I love that line. It really does portrays the world as it is now. Everything seems to be falling apart.

Anyway, I would end this long-ish review with a, "Gorgeous job!"

You really did great. Keep writing!
theCoffeeEnzyme chapter 1 . 1/27/2007
OMG!

I'm sorry, I really don't mean to gush but, this took me by surprise. Catchy title, inviting description but, nothing really to describe the writing. It needs to be read.

And, wow, reading it... Such a powerful message. I take your view on the topic and I've tried to write it but...you beat me by a long shot.

Exquisite work.