hey stranger!

me likey!

2nd person is definately unusual, and i've never read a story with it, but you pull it off coz you're the shizz like that.

anyway, you sometimes stretch sentences or have unecessary content/sentences that don't really need to be there, which sometimes are a repition of things past said.

but otherwise, interesting and kickass, as i would expect.

now put up your other stories!

coz i said so :)

I liked the way you started your story. It's very unorigonal, but in the way you put it, it isn't at all bad. Most people concern themselves with originality to an unhealthy extent to that their stories start out very badly. Good job. you say this is revised, eh? so u must have more of it then. post, please.

Nice little Prologe. It would be so much more interesting with the actul story. I can't wait until you update.