|Reviews for Wretchedness|
| pulpy chapter 1 . 10/18/2007
I love the tone of the narrator, it seems very human-like, reminiscient of Bartimaues. I feel that death is a theme in literature that can be...awful. But I think you've nailed it quite well, I like the way you've put a creative spin on it.
Although I do feel that at times, you have used adverbs when they don't contribute a great deal, just question every one, you'll see which are unneccesary. Although, to be fair, there aren't a lot. (Fair play).
'Do you like the taste of death, little whelpling? It’s exactly the same as the taste of life.' That line officially kicks ass.
Good stuff, keep writing my friend.
| CandleQueen chapter 1 . 8/9/2007
It sounds like you had fun with your friends. *laughs* Got bopped on the head with an umbrella? Sounds interesting...
Hm. This was...intriguing. Completely pessimistic, a bit morbid, but for some reason, I couldn't stop reading. I can't completely agree that I think that is how death would feel about his job, but whatever. I suppose you make a few valid points. *shrug*
| anon chapter 1 . 7/25/2007
Hm... interesting. Intriguing. I like it. Oh, and I read your profile and what you wrote about Christopher Paolini, it is all so true. Seriously, you are one of the first people I have that agrees with me about him. I mean honestly, he is one of those idiot who make people not read fantasy, reducing it to a second class genre. When people think about fantasy/sci-fi, many of them think of those stupid books with the scantily clad woman and the steroid dudes on the cover. Still, even those books are not as bad as Christopher Paolini, because that annoying little stuck up punk had the gall to rip off some of the best fantasy, the real classics, and then tape little shreds into his hidious little patchwork book. I hope someone take one of his stupid thick books and throws it at his over-inflated head. Anyway... I like this little snapshot story thing, it confused me in a good way. Yay.
| AluminumMuse chapter 1 . 5/21/2007
Very good. Normally a stories about dragons are completely god awful, but this was quite the opposite. I love the line 'Do you like the taste of death, little whelpling? It’s exactly the same as the taste of life.' Some of it is a bit repetitive (and redundant), particularly how you keep saying that the young dragon is inviting life into his body, but only getting death in return. The ending doesn't sound complete, such a powerful piece deserves a powerful ending. The name Blinding Light is cliche. Blah blah blah, other than that, it is really fantastic.
| Agapantha chapter 1 . 5/13/2007
Ok, here goes. i'm gonna explain to you how i review 'cos i do it as i go along which means all the good points and bad points are mixed up. I'm not afraid to critcise, and I apologise in advance if i write anything that insults you, but i'd rather just say what i think and tell the truth.
Ok, yay, we get to start with good points, i love to start with good points. 'I love this' single sentence, start of a story I can tell exactly what our trying to do. And it works. I love the detail in the 2nd paragraph also.
Umm, ok. I can hardly boast to know exactly how a dragon is born, but, they're reptiles, that means they grow in eggs. it's just that you describe the dragonet developing in it's mothers womb and the first descriptions are ok, but the hardening of the scales is something that would come last. After the egg has been lain. Sorry, but small details like that just get me.
Ah, a past tense sentence! A piece of writing always needs to be in the same tense, it's probably just a typo so i wont rave on for hours, btu ill put it down here so you know which one it is - 'When they finally came face-to-face with me, my laughter only grew more bitter before I began the sorting process' and there's 'happened' in the next sentence as well.
I love the way you write 'the sack of hide, claw and scale' the word 'sack' just adds to the lack of feeling your character seems to have.
Your description that starts 'Painful as it might be' is brilliantly worded, and definitely my favourite bit so far. You end it so well with the question to the dragonet which is also addressed to the reader as well. It is an amazingly dramatic section!
Ok, now I'm confused. You describe the dragonet as is being developed, but then you describe it suddenly hatched, has time passed since your character started talking?
I like the fact that your character has a preferance amongst the names. Normally they just say I am all etc... but this shows that Judgement thinks and, almost, cares.
*sigh* another two past tense sentences. 'soul was full of warmth and kindness' and 'but if you were full or hate and regret,' tut tut. Heehee.
Ok, was working so well as a short story, righ up util the end. Now I just want to read more. I'll let you decide if that's a good thing or not.
Anyway, that was an awesome story. It's so nice to read something about dragons, and shall definitely read some more of your stuff.
Thanks for a great read.
| The Celtic Bard chapter 1 . 4/4/2007
It's interesting. Your Dragonkin's 'death' seems very cold, but not aloof. Just kind of tired of it, of its job, of stupid dragons, of everything, and most especially of gods. It's good.
| bored chapter 1 . 2/2/2007
Which implies a question
more bitter bitterer
creeling? Check spelling
What does: Wherever the place be it, mean?
I like this one-shot and I would like to read more of your fictions.
| nightdragon0 chapter 1 . 1/29/2007
Hm, this is an interesting one.
So, it's sort of 'death's' point of view? The imperssion I get is that like many of the Arkonese gods and immortals, they seem to enjoy playing games with the mortals out of amusement.
| Shadowhound chapter 1 . 1/29/2007
Interesting insight into your world and its inhabitents. Will this be a oneshot or will you continue it?
I like your anthropomorphic (Draconicomorphic?) personification of death.
Anyway, my reviews are worthless today because I'm not in my usual analytical mood. Perhaps I should have put off reading this till tomorrow...