|Reviews for Solid Ground|
| recycle rhymes chapter 2 . 2/6/2011
i kind of like the formatting of this one better, as well as the word choice.
| recycle rhymes chapter 1 . 2/6/2011
i like this...the metaphor is interesting.
| deefective chapter 1 . 10/27/2008
Review Marathon Prize!
I really like the second stanza in this piece. It has a sort of wistful poetry feel to it that brings the emotion to the reader. I can feel what you're writing. But what I didn't like was that last phrase there.
"but that sensation is now replaced with nausea"
It seemed a bit out of place with the rest of it. Maybe because it's so different from the other verses but I think that cuts off the flow just a bit. It's like an abrupt ending. But I guess maybe that's the effect you wanted to have? But anyways, other than that, nicely done.
| Sexy Vampirechick chapter 2 . 4/8/2008
Since this one is the most recent one that I haven't reviewed.I guess this one it is!
"this never ending dizzying merry go round"
I think this line has too many adjectives "ending" and "dizzying" both joint together sounds a bit odd,but I do get your point.
I simply just love your last 's so beautifully word choice is absolutely amazing!
| a silenced revolution chapter 2 . 3/20/2008
I think the edited version is significantly better. The first stanza in particular is better than the original. Nice poem.
I especially like the lines
"We used to fly away together exchanging
the agony of the world for breathtaking views,"
-cool idea and well expressed.
| burning in effigy chapter 1 . 2/23/2008
interesting formatting.. if the last stanza were right justified, then the poem would look like and remind me of a one strand of a dna helix... or rna i think.
and i really like how the two lines in the middle make up a little poem of their own, rhyming and working well together :]
| heartbroken922 chapter 2 . 2/21/2008
i like the lines and separation from each sentence.
its almost like trying to read a merry go round! lol
my favorite line is 'we used to fly away' its just really sweet
| heartbroken922 chapter 1 . 2/19/2008
on second stanza, instead of saying 'and this never ending merry go round' i think it would sound better if you changed 'and' to 'on' since you ride on a merry go round. then you would have to change 'is' on the next line to 'it's'.
i like the format of the poem. its all scrambled up (if you could get it right justified ) like a merry go round makes you feel. i liked the comparison. great job.
| jojoba-music-girl chapter 2 . 2/18/2008
This piece is very original! I really liked the editted version, but also the first version was great. Though it made some difference editting it like that, the point you tried to make hasn't changed, which is the best part. I liked the sentence "but that lovely sensation is now replaced with nausea". Good job!
| Moon-Chaser chapter 2 . 2/17/2008
I love this, and having it right justified does make it better, too bad that fp won't let you do it! I love the flow of this.
Keep it up.
| multiples of six chapter 2 . 2/16/2008
I like the edited one better. ) It's awesome that you're fixing up old stuff, I never have the patience for that, haha.
| Manuel Fajar chapter 2 . 2/16/2008
In spite of all the flights of fancy dreamt
I know there's true love somewhere in this world
It's just she's dressed in plumage camouflage
Impossible to clear discern right now
When wandering through woods of obstacles
Each one rich world of incessant clamorings
From fleeting starlings flying limb to limb
For I seek no such chimeras for heart
| GothicSpook chapter 1 . 11/16/2007
I like it. Its great how you use a merry go round and compare it to a love life.
| Her Wishing Well chapter 1 . 3/3/2007
I like the stanzas where they are- the most emotional lines 'love is more than enough (you swear to me)' 'just let me feel solid ground again (I plead' are centered so really stand out. Pretty powerful and beautifully written.
| Anna178 chapter 1 . 2/4/2007
Alright, so my favorite thing about this poem is how you had (you swear to me) and (I plead)...I dont know, that just really made it for me. I guess it's because I always love description of feelings or manner of people. "but here we are once again" I like the simplicity of that line, the way you dropped it right there starts this poem off well. I dont have any great ideas for you though, sorry.