Wow. This reminds me a lot of the late 19th and early 20th century child labor problems in America, though I'm certain neuroguns weren't used there... the brutality in that time period was due more to neglect, although several children did die because of the horrible working conditions, and many more lost hands and feet to the machines they worked around.

Anyway, this story had a big impact on me, and I didn't notice any huge grammatical problems. Keep writing! Although the ending to this piece is fine as it is, continuing might be nice. I also like the way that you describe your setting without shoving the background information into the reader's face. Good job at giving it to them naturally.

~ Rogue